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Moving unis to be nearer my (now ex) bf

Before anyone starts yelling at me I'm a "mature" student aged 21. :rolleyes:

I am currently at uni but had asked to transfer to another uni to be nearer my bf and now have an offer from that uni for September.

My problem is that between then and now the bf has become an ex, and he was pretty much the reason I chose that uni because it's in his hometown. I'm not that happy with my current uni which is why I didn't mind moving so in a way I do want to get out of here, but I'm not convinced it's a good idea to go to one where he lives as it will prob bring back lots of memories and might be quite uncomfortable for me? :frown:

I have no plans to see him or anything like that but just the thought of bumping into him in the local Tescos is kinda a thing I can live without.

Do you think moving there would automatically spell disaster?

Reply 1

dogtanian

Is it a big university/town? Would you still have loved it there even if the then boyfriend was never an issue?

Without meaning to sound condescending, this is exactly the reason why I think basing your university choice on a partner isn't a very good idea. But that's not a comment aimed at you, I think you've realised that already. Hm.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Oh don't worry, I'm not going to get offended (though I know some people will be quite nasty about it, I've seen it happen with the young ones who pick their 6 choices as a carbon copy of their bfs/gfs UCAS form) :smile:

It's a big city so from that point of view I'm sure I'd settle in there just fine and I would have most likely moved to another uni in September anyway, I just picked that one because of him.

I'm one of those people who thinks all stuff happens for a reason and maybe him finishing with me is like a sign I shouldn't go there or something. I'm not under any illusions about us hooking up again ever and won't even tell him that I'm there, but I can't help but think it's bad karma or whatever, know what I mean?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I should also say that I probably wouldn't have picked there if it wasn't for him, but only because I wouldn't have even looked at that town because I'd not really heard of it before.

Reply 4

dogtanian

Hmm.

I think you should remove the bloke from the picture, and really seriously weight up the pros and cons of the city, course and institution. While you might not have considered it before, you might like the idea of going there.

And I go to university in a large-ish city, and I've not yet bumped into the person I didn't really want to, hehe. I have to make a real effort to see my friends too.

I'm sure it'd be fine, but only go there if it's right for you in other respects.

Reply 5

dogtanian

Oh and:

Anonymous

(though I know some people will be quite nasty about it, I've seen it happen with the young ones who pick their 6 choices as a carbon copy of their bfs/gfs UCAS form) :smile:

*shudder*

I really really hate that...

Reply 6

SexyKe

I hate to be devils advocate but im afraid im gona have to be. I came form york where I knew probably 50 people from york and when i moved to manchester I was only aware that a couple would even be in the same city. So far iv bumped into two in the same night in the same pub and another in my SU. (out of them i only knew one (an ex) would be in manchester and all 3 of them wouldnt be people id really wanna see again!!). I do think that you are more than likely to bump inot him no matter how big the city/town is and you have to be prepared for that. As other people have said the best thing is to decide if the place is right for you, then if you dont mind bumping into him and then you can mkake an informed decision as to whether you should go ahead.

Reply 7

xx_ambellina_xx

Well, I'm at the same uni as my ex. He copied my UCAS form, and we both got into our first choice. It ended really badly, so I was scared of seeing him every day (the city our uni is in is tiny, you can barely go into the street without seeing someone you know), but in fact in the two terms we've been here, I saw him once in Sainsburys, and we weren't that close to each other so I didn't even have to speak to him. I'm guessing your Uni city is a bit bigger than teeny tiny Cambridge, so I don't think you have too much to worry about.

Reply 8

spin

dogtanian

I think you should remove the bloke from the picture, and really seriously weight up the pros and cons of the city, course and institution. While you might not have considered it before, you might like the idea of going there.

I'm sure it'd be fine, but only go there if it's right for you in other respects.

That's good advice. The only thing I'd add is to think about whether knowing he is in the city will mean it takes you longer to get over him? Whether you'll think about him more often and always wonder if you'll bump into him..

Reply 9

WokSz

may I ask what uni you're going to attend as it will help analyze the situation? :smile:

Reply 10

Talon

I chose my uni with consideration to my gf. It s a good uni though and I am hapy here. It is still 80 miles away but does a coach service to Stansted Airport (near my home).

Reply 11

gemma123

If he doesn't actually go to the uni,, chances are you wont see him. I know of people at other London Unis and have yet to see them around.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all the advice so far :smile:

He doesn't actually go to the uni so I'd be lucky enough to avoid him on campus but it's more the socialising scene I'm worried about, his brothers gf also goes there and does a similar course and for someone who doesn't go to the uni he hangs out with an unusual amount of people who do.

I'm trying to keep him out of the equation completely and think about what choice I would make if he wasn't living there but I can't seem to do it! The town has so much going for it otherwise and I'm sure I wouldn't be unhappy there, but I have this nagging feeling that it would be a bad move. Grrr.

Reply 13

sticky-kitten

Is it too late to ask to transfer to a third uni? If you don't want to stay where you are, and you're reluctant to move to where your ex is, then maybe going to a completely different one might work. Unless the transfer was done through UCAS and all the deadlines have passed... sorry, i don't know much about the process.