Advice on this guy

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well only time will tell you if he's one of them people who "falls out of it" because of not seeing you often..over time see how he is with you, whether he makes an effort or not to chat to you, whether he seems as fond of you as he did when you spent time together

Thing is, he did say 'goodbye' when he left. Or I didn't physically say goodbye as he didn't have much time and he wrote 'maybe it's better as I don't like goodbyes'.
So my impression is that he wants to see me, but won't make it official. I don't have doubts he likes me and I don't have doubts he's a good guy.
I'm not into LDRs - I know people have made it work, but not so early on.
He's contacted me a few times since he left and says he misses me, dreams about me sometimes etc. He asked when he could see me, I said I have exams but that I might be available in the end of May. He asked to see me then, so it's pretty much up to me to bring it up.

I really want to see him, in fact, I have to. But the problem is, I'm dying to sleep with him again, to cuddle up in his bed, all that. I know he does too. But if I do, it will just maintain a casual thing. I will miss him a lot, I know he'll miss me, but as I am emotionally involved at this point, I will struggle to meet someone else (because I ultimately want a relationship).
So the alternative is for me to stop by his city (I do sometimes anyway), to ask him to meet me for lunch or whatever (daytime, outside his home), and just tell him that I like him a lot, but I don't want to be friends with benefits or whatever and the only option is to not see him at all. Which will kill me, but is perhaps necessary.
If I tell him I'm going to his city, he will want to and expect to have me stay over, that's why I think I need to write to him beforehand that we can 'meet up for lunch'. I don't know. i find this difficult.

Reply 21

Zara<3

you're right, LDR is less likely to work with people that are long distance from the beginning because then the strong commitment between the two is not initially there, so its good that you realize that..but if you really like him that's the risk you have to take i guess? just don't let your feelings completely take the better of you and don't trust him blindly straightaway..kind of be on your guard for the time being, if it does develop into a relationship and he seems to be loyal and really loving then like i said just go for it and trust him..but if you think no matter how good he seems and how decent he seems you will still always be wondering if he really is being faithful..then don't take things further as hard as they might be because you don't always want to be thinking what's he up to and feeling uneasy..that's unhealthy and you shouldn't be feeling like that in a relationship

Reply 22

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zara<3

I don't even know if he'd be up for a LDR.
My reservations on LDR are not primarily related to cheating, they're related to the fact that I find them almost 'pointless'. There is no possibility of a regular sex life and you're not really 'together'. If a couple has been together for ages and are practically engaged and one of them has to go away for a few months, I suppose it's tolerable. But even then, more than a few months would be wrong to me.
He only lives about 2 hours away by train, but summer is coming up, I'll be in different countries and all that. If I was moving to his country next year or he here, then it'd be different. Although I plan to live in his city eventually, it'll be a year and a half from now.
I think my only option is to tell him it won't work out. I have to see how strong I am in terms of keeping things 'casual', but I'm not really pro a system like that. I've had flings and FWB since I was 18, I want something serious now. I feel like he will be in not too long (he's 26, but feels older). I have no doubt regarding him missing me or feeling strongly about me (and I am cynical by nature), but I really don't want anything to be 'halfway there'.
I suppose the best way to do this is discuss it with him properly, in non-sexual, sober circumstances. And tell him how I feel. If I say it's best that we don't see each other in a sexual way ever again, I know he'll be very upset, to the extent that I'm afraid he'll agree to something long distance due to our sexual attraction. But I need to be rational.

Advice on this guy

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