Being shy and quiet makes people around me uncomfortable

In my workplace where Ive been for a few weeks Im extremely quiet and shy and tend to mumble my words. I think this is linked to my low confidence and self esteem. Im generally good at talkin to people if they ask me somethin about work etc, but just in those casual ''laughy'' conversations everyone has where they make jokes and talk about nothin basically I get uncomfortable cos I never know what to say.

Ive lost count of the amount of people who have said to me ''youre quiet'' and after a while they look at you funny :frown:

Its making work so awkawrd and I hate being around people all the time cos of it :frown:

Reply 1

guitargirl03

13

That used to happen to me at work, I'm still like it at college... But what I found helped was to try and join in with conversations, even if it's a nod of the head in agreement. I have low self-esteem and I'm shy as well, but I found that just trying to invole myself in conversations at work helped :smile:

Reply 2

kateykat

Anonymous

Ive lost count of the amount of people who have said to me ''youre quiet'' and after a while they look at you funny :frown:

I effing hate that! People go "oh you're so quiet" then proceed to look down at you as if you're diseased. I constantly get that at work and it begins to grate after a while. I could easily announce, "You are a loudmouth who thinks their funny when they're not and constantly talks ****" but I don't because it's personal and rude; I wish people could see that it can actually be offensive to be singled out. People could say I bring it upon myself and need to try harder, but it's not that I'm unsociable; I just hate being loud or hanging around with loud people!

Anyway, I can't really give any advice because I'm more or less in the same situation. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel!

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

When you have one-to-one converstations with people, talk about the others behind their back and stab them in the back... you'll soon become popular! And once your popular with each person from your individual conversations, you'll fit better in the bigger groups.

It works for me!!!

Reply 4

Sithius

16

Anonymous

When you have one-to-one converstations with people, talk about the others behind their back and stab them in the back... you'll soon become popular! And once your popular with each person from your individual conversations, you'll fit better in the bigger groups.

It works for me!!!

People like you should really be shot.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Sithius

People like you should really be shot.

Hey, I only started doing this after I realised that everyone else was doing it.

I didn't do it to start with, but if everyone else is doing it, I might as well join in. If they can give it, they can recieve it!! :biggrin:

Reply 6

ames123

1

Yeah I know what you mean, a lot of the time its not that I dont want to join in, I just can't think of anything to say! When people say your're quiet or shy, you think we don't know that?! What a previous poster said, we could quite easily say your loud!

Reply 7

Higgy

2

I was always like that when i first started work but i soon got over it and became quite cocky about my confidence to some people saw me as arrogant, i've calmed down now though so dont take confidence too far lol

Reply 8

kitty_koo

12

i get exactly the same thing, i volunteer one afternoon a week in a charity shop and i dont talk to the people who work there much,because i dont know what to say! ive been the same at school from yr 7 to 11, im in yr 12 and im not as bad but im still quiet. i absolutely hate it when people say "you're really quiet" or "do you actually talk?" coz how am i suppossed to answer!! standing there and smiling just makes me look like a ******.
also when people say "its always the quiet ones" i hate that too,coz its like people are expecting me to screw up and go psycho.

rant over now,lol

Reply 9

sheepgirl

2

I realy get offended when people call me quiet. Im studying drama and constantly get this whole thing of ' quiet people cant act', 'quiet people are too scared to drama' which is not the case. Is difficult to come back from someone calling you quiet. You dont have to tlak to be involved in those 'chatty' conversations. Just smile and nod and agree (or not) with what people are saying. You'l soon get involved in peoples conversations.

Reply 10

anjurdsg

11

drink alcohol until you're buzzing... this will boost up your confidence and you'll be able to talk...

then keep doing this until you realise you don't need alcohol anymore...

oh well, just a personal experience... worked for me :smile:

Reply 11

white_haired_wizard

16

anjurdsg

drink alcohol until you're buzzing... this will boost up your confidence and you'll be able to talk...

then keep doing this until you realise you don't need alcohol anymore...

oh well, just a personal experience... worked for me :smile:

That's pretty sad IMO :biggrin:

Reply 12

grace

15

elbow_fan

People could say I bring it upon myself and need to try harder, but it's not that I'm unsociable; I just hate being loud or hanging around with loud people!

there's a difference between being loud and joining in with sociable conversation between work colleagues.

Reply 13

username47781

20

Well it's not a crime being quiet, some people just have nothing better to say.

Reply 14

Profesh

20

sheepgirl

I realy get offended when people call me quiet. Im studying drama and constantly get this whole thing of ' quiet people cant act', 'quiet people are too scared to drama' which is not the case. Is difficult to come back from someone calling you quiet. You dont have to tlak to be involved in those 'chatty' conversations. Just smile and nod and agree (or not) with what people are saying. You'l soon get involved in peoples conversations.

Are you sure? I would have thought that screaming in their face might take them, quite soundly, to task.

Unless, of course, I've misconstrued 'come back' in the context.

Reply 15

kateykat

grace

there's a difference between being loud and joining in with sociable conversation between work colleagues.

I know. Why do you feel the need to tell me that? I join in with social conversation with work colleagues but I'm saying that I resent being looked down upon when I don't join in with loud and boisterous behaviour. This doesn't mean I just stand there looking serious and not smiling though! I can have a laugh and I can socialise but at the same time I am reserved and I'm not loud. I accept that this is the way I am and if other people can't handle the fact that someone is different to them then they can feck off.

Reply 16

Cellardore

11

i don't handle big groups very well, because i can get intimidated easily, unless i like ALL of them which is exstemely unlikely lol. I'm much better on one to one's and can have really good conversations. That's the only way people can see the real me.

Whatever you do, DON'T give me a drink, people have done that in the past, it can turn pretty nasty :redface:

Reply 17

notsoperfect

1

i'm sure it's not because they don't like you that they tell you you're quiet. try not to let it get to you if they tell you this, and carry on persevering in conversations - honestly, the longer you know people, the more comfortable you will be with them. it might take longer for you, but you will eventually feel like you fit in. unless these people are total ******s.

Reply 18

xChellex

You all sound like me! :smile:

I'm very shy and while I talk a lot with friends, I stay very quiet in college and work when in groups of people that I don't know well.
What's more annoying than those people who say, 'What, do you have a voice?', is the people who assume that because you're quiet so much that that is the extent of your personality.

The best thing that I've found has helped me so far, is to pick small goals and work towards them. Decide that for a week, you are going to say just one thing to someone you usually don't speak to. It eventually builds up your confidence. Eventually, you will talk more and more, and it gets better. I've used this method in lessons and socialising and it is helping me improve, even if the progress is slow, it's progress I would otherwise have not made.

Reply 19

Star_crossed

I think you need to build up your confidence; the best way I've found of doing this is to act it. I used to be pretty shy a few years ago but I started making myself do things like talking to people, going up to people in shops, asking strangers the time, etc. At first it was horrible but you just act like you're the most confident person in the world, and you really start to believe it. I promise! Just tell yourself 'I am a confident, interesting person!' I'm actually very extroverted now (perhaps to a fault...) but it makes life so much more fun!

Being shy and quiet makes people around me uncomfortable

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