am very concerned for the safety of my family ...

Basically I am on my gap year and am going away for a very long time. I am worried that when I leave things will get very nasty between my parents.

I am scared my dad may do something bad to my mum - and is waiting for me to leave. I will be gone for so long and so far away I will have no contact with the "outside" world and dont know what to do.

I could inform some people, but that won't prevent anything from hapening.

Any advice .... ?

Reply 1

ATESalisbury

I am in year 13 and gonna go to uni this year, and beleive it or not have had the same thought as you have stated in your post SO MANY TIMES, and it makes me even more scared coz i have 2 little sisters.....its sad coz u feel so helpless :frown:

Reply 2

dede

That is so scary - I'm really sorry. You shouldn't have to worry about this.

You should at the very least tell your neighbors. How bad is "bad"? Bad enough to ask the cops to keep an eye on things?

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Hey.
I'm in quite a similar situation actually.
I'm off to University in September & I'm worried about what will happen too. My dad is sometimes quite violent towards my mum. But I'm always there so I kind of help my mum. But it'll be hard when I'm gone. :frown:

The only thing I can do is ring my mum everyday to make sure everything is okay..

Reply 4

Sweet Adeline

The easiest thing you can do is talk to her, you can find out if she's worried about the same things as you and make sure she knows she's not helpless, and where she can go for support if things get bad.

Do you, or does she, have family members or close friends who she stays in touch with regularly? I'm sure it would put your mind at rest to know there are people keeping an eye on her, it may not "prevent anything from happening" as such, but if your dad knows your mum isn't isolated he's far less likely to do anything, and if something does happen at least your mum will have somewhere to go, if it comes to that.

That said, if things really are bad, is there any chance she could leave? I know it's a lot easier said than done. Try not to worry too much, it could be that your anxiety about going away is making things seem worse, you haven't been too specific so it's hard to tell. You shouldn't have to deal with these problems on your own, if you tell people it could really help you to cope and help you feel less guilty for leaving, even if nothing else changes.

Good luck, and do try to take the opportunity of a gap year if possible, I hope things get better for you because it's a horrible situation to be in, feeling selfish and worried when you should be having a great time.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

(I'm the person who started post)

bad - as in lets not think about it - but i keep having horrible images. nothing "too" bad has happened yet - but thats cos ive always been here to prevent it.

the thing is, lets say the police got involved, or my dad discovered anything (ie. that my mum would leave or the neighbour found out) then that would actually make it worse.

because of the nature of where i am going, i will physically not be able to call back home

i feel so stuck

i should talk to my mum about it

Reply 6

Sweet Adeline

My family was in a very similar situation a while ago. It ended badly, to put it mildly.
I really feel for you, because it is like being trapped everywhere you turn. If he is that bad, though, it may be time for you and her to think about leaving.
That may be melodramatic, only you can really know that, but be aware that it is possible to leave an abusive husband/father behind and start again. It's horrible, for sure, but it may be better.
Obviously that's not an easy thing to do, trying to leave is far more terrifying than just staying and trying to keep the peace, but honestly, if things get to a point where it's dangerous for you to leave your mum there alone with him, then things have already gone too far.

Good luck whatever you do, and others in similar situations too, it's shocking how many people out there are going through the same things.