screwed up big time!

ok so i had a bit to drink last night and went to a club where i ended up pulling my mate. not a problem except he is sleeping with another friend of mine, just sex but still. and she saw us and freaked. i feel awful and dont know what to do. how bad was this? ive never had a just sex relationship so dont really know the emotional attatchment involved etc, is what i did practically the same as kissing her boyfriend? thing is i think i like him too, i dont know what to do

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Sex is just sex. There should be no emotional attachement if it's just sex realtionship. Are you sure it's just that though? Maybe they do like each other...maybe it is going further... in that case, I'd back off. If it's just sex, and your friend doesn't want anything more with this guy, then I'd say go for it with him.

Before we can say how bad it is, we need to know how your friend thinks of this guy???

Reply 2

jovialtom

2

chel

ok so i had a bit to drink last night and went to a club where i ended up pulling my mate. not a problem except he is sleeping with another friend of mine, just sex but still. and she saw us and freaked. i feel awful and dont know what to do. how bad was this? ive never had a just sex relationship so dont really know the emotional attatchment involved etc, is what i did practically the same as kissing her boyfriend? thing is i think i like him too, i dont know what to do

how are you in a position to say that its just sex?! even if it was there is still always going to be some level of emptional attachment. Even if you were completly certain that they didnt have feelings for each other (which you clearly wern't) you still should have checked things out with her, and the fact that you didnt, even just out of courtacy shows complete disregard to your friendship. So yes, what you did was equivalent to kissing her bf.

Reply 3

jovialtom

2

Firebird

If they're not in a relationship, she has no right to flip out at you.

ha! thats a load of crap! What if she really liked this guy... wanted something more to happen?! ...and now her so called friend has just gone and ruined everything for her. How would you feel if your mate went and kissed someone who you had feelings for- let alone someone who you were sleeping with!?! To me, thats totally out of order and you friend has every right to be pissed off with you, even if she has no emotional attachment to the guy, purely on principles alone.

edit: and i think sleeping together counts on some level as a relationship, don't you?

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

But if they're just F buddies, then I don't see the problem.

Reply 5

notsoperfect

1

you did the wrong thing, because she obviously likes him or she wouldn't have flipped out. you were drunk, but this was wrong of you because for all you know they might have become a couple. he on the other hand sounds like he just wants to get anything he can. i think you need to say sorry and forget about him. you can't steal him off her or you will ruin your friendship. i think you're really selfish.

Reply 6

BexTait

1

Surely it's just as much his fault as it is hers? Plus by the sounds of it, the OP's mate and the guy are/were just **** buddies, ie no strings sex?

Reply 7

wendizzle22

1

notsoperfect

you did the wrong thing, because she obviously likes him or she wouldn't have flipped out. you were drunk, but this was wrong of you because for all you know they might have become a couple. he on the other hand sounds like he just wants to get anything he can. i think you need to say sorry and forget about him. you can't steal him off her or you will ruin your friendship. i think you're really selfish.

Maybe the friend only realised she had feelings for him after seeing someone else kiss him - no-one was in the wrong if all parties had always professed that it was a no-strings/feelings f-buddy situation, even if she was covering it up. It looks like they wouldn't have become a couple at all seeing as he obviously wants to mess about with a few people and doesn't want commitment.
To me f-buddies implies the ability to kiss others with no repercussions, so I don't think anyone was wrong unless they were aware that deep feelings were involved.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

All this shows is that at 16, 17, 18, whatever, you're too young to disconnect emotional attachment and physical intimacy, especially when you're still at a stage where you're discovering intimacy. It's already hard enough when you're an adult.

Your friend clearly likes the guy but was convinced, like a fool, to try a casual relationship. She probably likes the guy quite a bit and having slept with him is not going to help things.

Even when you're an adult, it requires a certain amount of emotional detachment to just have sex as sex. Why are a lot of pornstars, strippers and prostitutes women who were abused as children? It's because emotions and sex are related, even when you're trying to separate the two. A lot of girls who sleep around have unhappy family situations, lacked affection.

Some people try to avoid mixing emotions and physical intimacy, because of emotional issues. So in a way, emotions never disappear. We just sometimes attempt to ignore them or suppress them, as best we can.

When you're still a teenager, being naked with someone, being intimate, kissing... is bound to lead to feelings developing.

Reply 9

username47781

20

THis is the problem with casual sex someone always gets hurt in it.

Reply 10

chel

OP

But thats the thing she doesnt like him like that. it was supposedly no strings both had told me that and he really thought it. and they had both said that it was over and werent going to sleep with each other again. i know what i did was awful but i was really drunk and i really really like this guy. I think its slightly unfair to just say im selfish as i do feel terrible about it now. But your right Carl1982 i think this does just show that sex is never really no strings and ppl always end up getting hurt.

Reply 11

username47781

20

Maybe she lied and did actually thought it was love between her and the guy you pulled.

Reply 12

Sam Beckett

7

Well since he knew what the relationship was (if it was sex etc) then it is mostly his fault. You can't really be blamed or hurt too badly since they aren't boyfriend and girlfriend and even if they were, the lad shouldn't have kissed you or told you to f off... :wink:

Reply 13

bret

12

i don't think from the sounds of it you've much to feel guilty about.

generally girls stick together in these things, and the bloke gets chastized. that's been the case when i've done similar things as the guy in question.

Reply 14

katie_m4

I guess it depends how you feel about sharing someone. Even if your friend has said there is nothing more than sex there, I would still think that it's weird to sleep with the same person, but at the same time if they've never said exclusively that it would be wrong to do it then hopefully it'll just blow over.

screwed up big time!

Related discussions

Articles for you