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Friend always criticising me

This may sound petty or whatever but, every morning at school, one of my good friends always criticises something about my appearance - never anything big or really harsh, but it's always something, like if there's a run in my tights, or if she thinks my hair is frizzier than normal. I may be making too big a deal out of this, but it seems that everything she says is critical! Any advice?

Reply 1

amie436

ive had this recently with one of my friends and i find the only way to stop it is to tell them.. admitidly i had to be pretty harsh coz my friend just wouldnt understand.. but if you tell them its upsetting you they may realise that something they thought wasnt anything bad kinda is and they'll stop..

Reply 2

white_haired_wizard

16

Just ignore it. If you're happy with yourself, then it means nothing and therefore the criticism shouldn't so much hurt you but rather annoy you. I don't so much get criticized but some rather annoying teasing (in a way that feels bullying, some of my housemates are sly) which is mild bullying, regarding what they perceive as stupid pronunciation of words - i'm from the North whereas they are from the South, they are more 'south' linguistically than i am 'north' - there's only an extremely mild Mancunian accent to me...ignore it, in my particular situation it is jealousy and it shows them to be lacking self esteem and confidence in themselves and their own abilities etc...i know this is a text-book, shrink-esque answer, but often it does ring true in reality...blank it all out and just remember who the f uckwits really are in the whole sorry situation

Reply 3

Pink Sparkles

13

Maybe your friend is jealous of your appearance and so puts you down in order to make herself feel better? Just a though .....

Reply 4

notsoperfect

1

i have a friend who does this to another friend and i find it really funny, because the one who does it is obviously SO jealous of the one she criticizes. she'll get at her with little things, and it's because she's jealous, plain and simple!

it's probably best to say something. i wouldn't make a big deal out of it, i.e. taking her away for a CHAT type thing - i'd just blurt out "why do you have to criticize me?!" really snappily, if you feel you need to, as this will probably shock her into stopping.

Reply 5

Handy

10

She probably can't help it.

I can't.

Reply 6

jd27

Why not show her how it feels? Mention something amiss in her own appearance. Guys tend to go through something similar when they have the piss taken out of them - it's easy to feel victimised. It could just be banter, without any malicious intent, and you won't feel as bad about it if you're part of it. Make certain there is an issue before you have a 'talk', or you could make the situation worse.

Reply 7

lil_sweetie

OP

1

jd27

Why not show her how it feels? Mention something amiss in her own appearance. Guys tend to go through something similar when they have the piss taken out of them - it's easy to feel victimised. It could just be banter, without any malicious intent, and you won't feel as bad about it if you're part of it. Make certain there is an issue before you have a 'talk', or you could make the situation worse.

I've thought about that, but I don't really want to stoop to doing that - it seems kinda pathetic to me, if she feels she needs to put down my appearance to boost her own confidence (because I think that's why she does it). It's not so much upsetting as annoying, especially as she always says it really loudly when there are loads of people around, just so everyone notices! I mean, what does it matter if my hair is that much frizzier one morning?! :frown:

Reply 8

hippieglitter

19

Sorry to say the only thing you can do about it is completely dump her as a friend. I have a friend like this only mine is slightly harsher. I told her about it and she went mad, she had no idea what i was talking about. she stopped talking to me for a day or two, then quit the criticising cos she wanted to be my friend again but that didn't last long. She just can't stop and when she starts i just switch off, i've given up listening cos my confidence really can't get any lower.

Reply 9

Rosie

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. Tell her youre upset by it, if she can't or won't stop then concentrate on your real friends who care enough not to say hurtful things.

Reply 10

girl afraid

I used to get that at school. The fact sad is, they weren't my friends. Sod her.

Reply 11

Chris123456789

1

Friends don't do that. Yeah, maybe an occasional comment every so often and clearly made as a joke, but not that much at all.

I used to have 'friends' who did that kind of thing for years (among other stuff), but now I've gone to uni I've ditched them all and none of the mates I have now would do that to me. That's only further proof that the people I used to associate with were bad and wrong for me. :biggrin:

Reply 12

m_ferg06

Sorry to say the only thing you can do about it is completely dump her as a friend

Well, you can't exactly just tell her to dump her friend. We don't know exactly how long they've been friends or what they've been through. But i see what you mean....I have two like..major best friends and if they take the piss i just tell them to shut up...I reckon lil_sweetie, if you can't just simply tell her to stop then maybe you aren't as good friends as you thought. Jus my opinion...
Ferg

Friend always criticising me

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