Is this relationship fixable? Help :(

Hey i'll try to keep this short so you guys don't get bored and can give me some valuable advice :frown:

I've been with my guy for 3 years now..at the start of the relationship, he broke my trust..he didn't exactly cheat but close to i guess..nothing physical..but still really hurt me for what he did, i then was about to break up with him but he begged me to stay, since then because he broke my trust, i always used to be suspicious about everything, doubt him, and even when he used to try so hard to show me how much he loves me, i showed nothing back and just threw it back in his face..i love him with all my heart,did then too but i was so scared to be hurt again, didn't want to be vulnerable again,he made my heart grow of steel..i was so reluctant to show him much love at all..and started to always accuse him of stupid things, he used to just take it coz he felt he deserved it and didn't give up trying rly hard to win me over..i even said stupid stuf like i flirt with other guys to get back at him even though i genuinely didnt,i love him that much that id never do that,just wanted to hurt him back for him hurting me so much..then after a while, maybe 2 years into our relationship, duno what happened, he just switched, he became rly rly cold and said to me i'm not going to take your crap anymore, said some really horrible things, and said that ive given him nothing over the years. ironically at the same time i was ready to show my love to him, ready to open up and give him everything, thought ive punished him long enough..but now he's the one that finds it hard to show me love :frown:

sometimes he says some really horrible stuff that makes me wonder if he loves me at all? he even broke up with me a few times but then he'd say sorry and that he's just so hurt and ive made him into this bitter person that he finds it hard to love me now because he doesn;t want to get hurt again..he even says he cant trust me anymore because of the things i said..so since then till now, its been really hard for me, ive literally just taken his crap like he did with me, and ive even begged him at times not to leave me. he gets angry over the slightest thing now and then shows so much hatred towards me, but when he's in a good mood and is calm, he's sweet and tells me he loves me, last night we had another argument again, he started it, he brought up the past..why? and then he got so angry because this time i was arguing back, then he was saying its over and i literally begged for him not to give up..so after saying every horrible thing he could, he said he's not going to give up just yet but if i piss him off again he's gone, he's got exams now too..and so after i was like..i'll give you a break maybe a week or two? till your exams are over, and then we can try make things better, and he was like ok and i told him i love him and wished him luck for his exams,i then left it to him to txt me when his exams were over..but this morning he then txt me saying im sorry for last nyt :frown:

i'm still yours, forgive me, and i love you a lot..and i was like don't worry its my fault, and told him i love him too, and then he said he's going to chat to me later when he's having a break from revision..so basically..all we do is argue now and then be sweet then argue..and he's always close to breaking up for good, then saying he's sorry..just want some advice :frown:

do you think this relationship is fixable? or is too much damage done? what can i do to show him he can love me again like he used to without being scared? i want the old him back, he's not the same person anymore :frown:

can this relationship be saved? would appreciate some really valuable advice :frown:

Thanks x

Paragraphs.

Apologies:

Hey i'll try to keep this short so you guys don't get bored and can give me some valuable advice..

I've been with my guy for 3 years now..at the start of the relationship, he broke my trust..he didn't exactly cheat but close to i guess..nothing physical..but still really hurt me for what he did, i then was about to break up with him but he begged me to stay, since then because he broke my trust, i always used to be suspicious about everything, doubt him, and even when he used to try so hard to show me how much he loves me, i showed nothing back and just threw it back in his face..i love him with all my heart,did then too but i was so scared to be hurt again, didn't want to be vulnerable again,he made my heart grow of steel..i was so reluctant to show him much love at all..and started to always accuse him of stupid things, he used to just take it coz he felt he deserved it and didn't give up trying rly hard to win me over..i even said stupid stuf like i flirt with other guys to get back at him even though i genuinely didnt,i love him that much that id never do that,just wanted to hurt him back for him hurting me so much..

Then after a while, maybe 2 years into our relationship, duno what happened, he just switched, he became rly rly cold and said to me i'm not going to take your crap anymore, said some really horrible things, and said that ive given him nothing over the years. ironically at the same time i was ready to show my love to him, ready to open up and give him everything, thought ive punished him long enough..but now he's the one that finds it hard to show me love sometimes he says some really horrible stuff that makes me wonder if he loves me at all? he even broke up with me a few times but then he'd say sorry and that he's just so hurt and ive made him into this bitter person that he finds it hard to love me now because he doesn;t want to get hurt again..he even says he cant trust me anymore because of the things i said..so since then till now, its been really hard for me, ive literally just taken his crap like he did with me, and ive even begged him at times not to leave me. he gets angry over the slightest thing now and then shows so much hatred towards me, but when he's in a good mood and is calm, he's sweet and tells me he loves me

Last night we had another argument again, he started it, he brought up the past..why? and then he got so angry because this time i was arguing back, then he was saying its over and i literally begged for him not to give up..so after saying every horrible thing he could, he said he's not going to give up just yet but if i piss him off again he's gone, he's got exams now too..and so after i was like..i'll give you a break maybe a week or two? till your exams are over, and then we can try make things better, and he was like ok and i told him i love him and wished him luck for his exams,i then left it to him to txt me when his exams were over..but this morning he then txt me saying im sorry for last nyt i'm still yours, forgive me, and i love you a lot..and i was like don't worry its my fault, and told him i love him too, and then he said he's going to chat to me later when he's having a break from revision..

Sso basically..all we do is argue now and then be sweet then argue..and he's always close to breaking up for good, then saying he's sorry..just want some advice do you think this relationship is fixable? or is too much damage done? what can i do to show him he can love me again like he used to without being scared? i want the old him back, he's not the same person anymore can this relationship be saved? would appreciate some really valuable advice Thanks x

Reply 3

Malkmus

I have a question: why do you want to fix it? It sounds like you're striving to save something that doesn't even exist anymore and a relationship that isn't doing either of you any favours. People change and certain people are never a good fit to begin with. Sometimes you just need to know when to give up, sometimes too much water has passed under the bridge. From what you've said, it sounds like you're stuck in an unhappy relationship and have been for some time... how long do you want to keep trying?

If you want to make a fist of this, you both need to let the past go and not keep bringing it up. Unfortunately, we're all human and it's much easier said than done and very difficult (if not impossible) not to forgive but to forget.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Malkmus

Because I love him? I know love sometimes is not enough but he's my first love and I'm his, this is the frst relationship for both of us, and i don't know if its silly or not but i still have a glimmer of hope that maybe things will be ok again? and this is just a bad phase..although its been here for some time..because i really love him i just dont want to give up, something tells me this isn't going to be like this forever..that's why..he text me again today saying he's really sorry and to forget last night ever happened and he loves me to bits..i've let go of the past..now he needs to, else this isn't going to work but something tells me he wil soon learn to let go?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dubs_ski

Given my past experiences, if I was in this situation I would move on and try to find someone who made me happier and safer.

I guess I've become really weak..so weak that I think I can't cope without him..so I keep hanging on..he doesn't ever break up with me for good either though..if he really wanted to end things he could have done but he doesn't? and when he's calm he's always saying how sorry he is and how he said stupid things and he hopes I can forgive him..just don't know when he will see that I'm not out to hurt him anymore..why do you think he doesn't end things for good? I'm so confused

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

And also don't get me wrong, our whole relationship hasn't been a complete misery lol..we've had a lot of good times and beautiful memories, and when he's calm and he's not thinking about the past or we're not arguing, he's really sweet to me and makes the effort and i make the effort back and things seem to be on track again, but then something silly will trigger off his anger and he'll become cold again..but we still do have our good days and when it's good we both equally express our love for each other

Reply 7

username94219

Personally I would hang up my gloves, ditch and move on! :dontknow:

Just my opinion . .

Reply 8

laurentommo

Ive had a relationship similar to this around 3 years ago, it went on for so long, I was heartbroken when it was over however I am so glad I am no longer with this person, it was a similar relationship to how you are describing, ever since I have been a new relationship for 3 years now and there hasn't been a moment where I regret it :smile:

.

It just shows that sometimes two people can clash and sometimes some things are not meant to be. However exam stress can play a big factor so maybe give him the benefit of the doubt right now... But do not let him whip you because if you carry this on too much longer the more hurt you may get if you guys did break apart. Also too much arguing is unhealthy in a relationship.