Concerned

I want to apologise for posting my first message anonymously, I misread the registration form and put my name in the Username box.

I think I have a problem. In any case I am slightly concerned. I get on well with my lecturers (better than with my classmates if I'm honest) and often see and speak to them outside of class. In general my classes are small (<50 students) so there is always a lot of eye contact and familiarity with the lecturers but I lately have felt uneasy around a certain male lecturer. I would like to stress here that I am not in the least part attracted to him. Unlike the other lecturers, who are friendly and encouraging but treat me for the most as other students, he makes a point of coming and speaking to me personally immediately before or after every lecture (he never speaks to anyone else unless they approach him and in fact comes across as strict and badtempered). When I miss a class he always notices and later comments that he hasn't seen me for a while and asks if I am alright. Also he keeps making eye contact (much more than the others) and smiling strangely at me (he never smiles at other times) when he is lecturing, even to a large (Tuesday afternoon rather than Monday morning sized) class, and yesterday he sat back in his chair and stared at me for a solid ten minutes whilst waiting for everybody to arrive and settle. I smiled just to be polite (and he smiled back) then looked away and pretended not to notice him still doing it as I felt very self-conscious. He keeps asking me to come to his office and makes a big deal of everything (for example, I was doing practice problems from a book relating to the module and could not find an answer for one so I asked him about it. He asked me to go back to his office, which I did, and he sat down and asked me questions unrelated - where I came from, where am I staying, siblings, what I like to eat etc, then eventually got onto my question, which he could have answered in one word (typo!) back in the lecture room. Then he said to come back and see him whenever I liked and when I stood up to leave he stood up also and held the door. Every lecture in the following two weeks he came over and spoke to me more than once to ask how I was getting on with the others in the book and remind that he is there if I need). I love his subject but it isn't my best and I by no means excel in it, plus there have so far been no assessments in the module so I don't see as he could think I'm especially good or poor in the area. Reading back it doesn't sound much strange but it is. I am quite close to one or two other lecturers but this feels odd. I'm sure that I do not imagine this and it's really creeping me out, so much so that I feel uneasy attending his lectures and examples classes. There are only a few months left until the end of the year but I don't want to miss out on any examinable material. I don't know what I am expecting to gain from this other than a marginally clearer mind, but am at a loss as to what to do! How do I tell if something is wrong?

Reply 1

Fenella

His behaviour would not be unusual - if he behaved like this to everyone else. I think it's normal for a lecturer to want to get to know students, but if he treats you different to everyone then it certainly is odd. I'd ride it out till the end of the year, you don't want a scorned/spurned man situation and in reality he's unlikely to act on anything. So just maintain a forced smile, don't encourage him and see what happens at the end of the year.

Reply 2

pumpkin7

this sounds like the other persons problem.. but without the kissing..

Reply 3

Rozaroo

Try to be polite, and a little friendly, but do your best not to encourage him. At the moment it would probably be fairly difficult for you if you wanted to report him or anything, as he hasn't done anything "wrong" you just feel uncomfortable etc. Maybe you could let it slip that you have a boyfriend/ make up a boyfriend at another uni?