My Sisters are Rotting Away =(

I have two younger sisters, both of which are wasting away their lives at the moment. They're both very immature, have been poorly brought up, and are turning into hermits!

One is 16yrs old and left school mid-GCSEs because of bullying. My father, who has a full time job, (silly man!) decided to teach her rather than bring in a professional home tutor. Shes not learning much (addicted to the internet), so she'll only go for one exam this year and plans to do the rest in college a year after. Hmm...

The other one is 19yrs old, tried two different courses at college and gave up on both of them. One was I.T. and the other art and design. Now college isn't for everyone, but this girl has a habit of giving up - she couldn't even complete her 5-day work experience when she was younger. She currently is addicted to the internet, obsessed about wasting her parents money (no job, of course) and has still got that teenage agression I was hoping would disappear so we could become friends. Last night I found out she had gotten a nose job without telling me because, in her words, 'you'd go mad if I told you!!' Going mad translates as 'having an opinion which doesn't agree with hers.' She'll throw a tantrum if you don't agree with her. :eek:

......what a mess.

I used to try and visit every weekend to sort out as much as I could. Even my parents are going a bit senile, because the house is filthy and I get sick and depressed after I spend the night there. I would literally spend my weekwend visit cleaning the place as much as possible so my sisters wouldn't be inhaling so much dust!

But theres a limit on what I can do to help, I'm now in my final semester at uni and don't have time to visit anymore. :frown:

My parents won't remove their net connection because my sisters will go insane (my god, they have too much control!) and they won't stop giving them money (god knows why!!).

My sisters seem to be on a downward spiral heading nowhere, I've tried talking to them on numourous occaisons, even made a little comic about funky careers to give them hope for the future, but they didn't even thank me.

I know its a very bizarre situation, but is anyone else dissatisified with their family behaviour and doesn't know what to do??

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Reply 20

Angelil

perhaps they DESERVE to be traumatised?!

Reply 21

blondie45

Angelil

perhaps they DESERVE to be traumatised?!

you are very brainy arent u and y are your sisters rotting away? :confused:

Reply 22

Arminius

I think this is a deep trap that more and more people fall into.

Your sisters obviously have VERY low self-confidence, little self belief, they are probably unhappy because they cannot see a future for themselves.

What they need is to achieve, they need to be proud of themselves again. But this is going to be hard because they have been jobless/out of education for years.

The Net is the means by which they are "living". Its like a alternate reality where they can hide from their problems. They sound like recluses to me. Just a guess but do they spend a lot of their time online in chat rooms or on online games? because that would confirm the theory.

I'm saying this because for a while i almost fell into this trap myself, i was doing badly at college and i spend more and more time on computers. Its only through working hard and getting good grades that my confidence really increased.

I think you need to take it slow, try and take them out into the real world. Cinema would be easy for them to take. I expect they would be scared of going out to a club or something like that. So it would be better to get them out slowly.

Ultimately what they need is SELF BELIEF and to do that they need to achieve things. The job centre seems like a great idea, they need to take the first step out of the home.

If necessary your parents could make some sort of deal, like if they start trying to get a job, they won't cut the internet. Perhaps. To shock them out of their rut.

Reply 23

Sam Beckett

SciFi25

You need to back off. You are not their master!!

They will figure out what to do eventually. In the meantime you could suggest temping as an option to get them used to the workplace environment.

I agree. Everything will work out and as long as they are happy you should be happy for them. They will learn eventually but will be resistant to learn if you or someone else is always having a go at them or demoralising them.

Try to support and encourage them, not point out their bad points.

Reply 24

Anonymous #1

Zakatu

I'm saying this because for a while i almost fell into this trap myself, i was doing badly at college and i spend more and more time on computers. Its only through working hard and getting good grades that my confidence really increased.

Same here, I'm so worried because I almost became stuck into that lifestyle for a while. Had left a college and was unemployed, spent too much time online and the only thing I looked forward to was going to uni and being independent. Obviously thats not the best solution in this case, but that worked for me. I felt stifled by my surroundings, but at uni I felt freed.

Thanks for the response.

Reply 25

Anonymous #1

Sam Beckett

I think I may have been acting up as the typical big sister and pestered them a little too much, they certainly seem happier to talk to me when we're not focusing on them.

More encouragement wouldn't go amis. :smile:

Reply 26

Arminius

i disagree with people saying " they are happy, let them be" type comments.

I think the situation will get worse if left, and to be honest i reckon they are actually quite unhappy. But probably won't admit it.

Reply 27

blondie45

just wondering how old r u sam

Reply 28

Sam Beckett

I'm 20.

To get back on topic, if someone is happy in themselves then that is a good thing, and not everyone IS happy. However, if they are secretly sad, you could address that but you have to do it eg telling them they're hermits, need a job etc will only make them withdraw more, into their own world, where they may be happy or sad or any combination of emotions.

So I would say encourage them, try to keep positive for yourself and for them. Sooner or later, they will discover what they want to do with their lives, and will be even happier they found it out themselves.

Good luck.

Reply 29

BexTait

On a similar vein to taking them to the cinema (might be a tad more expensive), why not try taking them put for an evening meal. Not to a proper restaurant, but a pub in town that does food and is also visited by people on a night out. You could sit and have your meal, followed by a few quiet drinks, yet the potential is still there for you to meet people, or perhaps move on to other pubs/club?

Good luck, sounds like you are a caring sibling.

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

Update:

I took my older sis (19yrs) out to a central Lonon restaurant. BUT get this; as soon as we'd got to the entrance she said it looked to small and ran away. I don't know why she was so scared of going into a place she simply didn't like the looks of, and what's worse is that there was a anti-Bush protest going on just down the road in Trafalgar Square. When I called my sis asking her where she'd gotten to all I got in response was; why can't you find me? Can't you see me? I'm here, by the bus stop (followed by plenty of swearing). Obviously there were thousands of people and I had no hope of finding her. I let her go home on her own and went to eat by myself.

Disgusting behaviour. What a disrespectful and nasty b*tch. :frown:

I only wanted her to come in so we could have a chat.

Anyone want to swap sisters?!

Reply 31

tanusha-tomsk

I'll be your sister :biggrin:

Cheer up!

Reply 32

Sithius

You are not their parents, let them do what they want.

Seriously...

Reply 33

Saf!

talk to your parents and tell them to sort it out.......give them a few ideas as to what they should do.....like ppl have said...its not job, its your parents .... and because of this ur sisters probably don't respect you and wont listen to you, but they'll listen to your parents

good luck!

Reply 34

Anonymous #2

I'm like your older sister. Let me know if you figure out how to fix it... I could do with stopping the interweb addiction and becoming focused on school work.

Reply 35

Anonymous #1

Anonymous

I'm like your older sister. Let me know if you figure out how to fix it... I could do with stopping the interweb addiction and becoming focused on school work.

Really? Well I guess the general consensus is that I have no hope of helping, and that the only person who can fix it is the person themselves.

I do understand though, I went through a similar thing myself during my late teens. I hated studying, left a course half way through & was completely addicted to the net. Actually picking the perfect course and heading of to uni saved me - no easy net access, met loads of people who helped me to find focus and enjoy my course. I'm not sure if that'll work for you at all, but its an idea.

I've got a theory that people who can't focus at school just haven't found their passion yet. They need to experience something which makes them stand up and go; WOW! I'm gonna try and do that and get paid for it. Something like that anyway. :wink:

The problem is studying isn't for everyone, have you tried part time jobs? Earning money for yourself can be a real confidence boost and helps you to focus on better things you could be doing full time rather than packing boxes, serving customers or pricing up cans of beans. Let me know what you think...

Reply 36

pink_lucie

its kinda weird cos my older sister whos gonna be 21 in may has ****ed up her life aswell, she has taken all my parents money to go to uni and failed all 3 years. she cant look after herself hasnt got any chance of getting a good job when she moves back to london. she doesnt do anything with her days, shes got a job but is still living off my parents. she wastes all her money on getting drunk and make-up that she never wears, its like she has no self respect. always wearing the same nasty clothes :frown:

anyway good luck, you should just forget them, ive tried hard to hint to my sister to change her aways but theres no light at the end of the tunnel :frown: