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no self worth
i don't understand why, but i have so little self worth.
i mean, i can wake up one day feeling great & get compliments from people. but when i think about what people have said to me, i just ignore them & pretend they only said it to make me feel better.
today, i was at work & this guy came on, who often comes in. he kept glancing over at me & you know, it was just THAT feeling you get when you know someone likes you. but anyway, at the time, i was really happy. but now, when i think back to it..maybe he wss just looking at me because i was looking at him? maybe he glances at everyone? or maybe even because he saw me from a different angle? you know, i kind of tear myself down on purpose & i have no idea why.
yesterday, there were some builders doing some work near my house. theres this one guy that always says hi to me. i said hi once, but now i've just stopped saying hello to him altogether. mainly because i think he is taking the p*ss when he says hello, or that he thinks i'm ugly & wants to have some kind of 'authority' over me, and wanting to appear all cool & hard in front of his friends.
now you see, i don't understand why this is.
i just feel as if i'm really ugly (although i probably am not) & i can't get rid of these horrible thoughts.
it may stem back to past experiences i have had..but i just can't stop this way of thinking at all. i've been like this for years now, and i won't let people love me because i cannot love myself.
i just needed to let that out.
i mean, i can wake up one day feeling great & get compliments from people. but when i think about what people have said to me, i just ignore them & pretend they only said it to make me feel better.
today, i was at work & this guy came on, who often comes in. he kept glancing over at me & you know, it was just THAT feeling you get when you know someone likes you. but anyway, at the time, i was really happy. but now, when i think back to it..maybe he wss just looking at me because i was looking at him? maybe he glances at everyone? or maybe even because he saw me from a different angle? you know, i kind of tear myself down on purpose & i have no idea why.
yesterday, there were some builders doing some work near my house. theres this one guy that always says hi to me. i said hi once, but now i've just stopped saying hello to him altogether. mainly because i think he is taking the p*ss when he says hello, or that he thinks i'm ugly & wants to have some kind of 'authority' over me, and wanting to appear all cool & hard in front of his friends.
now you see, i don't understand why this is.
i just feel as if i'm really ugly (although i probably am not) & i can't get rid of these horrible thoughts.
it may stem back to past experiences i have had..but i just can't stop this way of thinking at all. i've been like this for years now, and i won't let people love me because i cannot love myself.
i just needed to let that out.
Scroll to see replies
Aw, honey, everyone feels this way- those little niggles of doubt over a compliment; the moments of paranoia. I struggle with it: someone will do something and i wonder whether they're really being nice or if their comments have a veiled meaning. Or alternately, they will annoy me and I'll stew for hours over whether it was careless, but not deliberate, or whether there truly was intention behind it. Anyway, I am trying to just 'let it go'- take compliments and seemingly kind comments at face value. For the mostpart, the compliments are true and if you're getting male attention from more than one source you're obviously attractive. Believe in yourself! I know it's a hard thing to overcome- I really do, but when you start trusting and believing it's amazing how much more you glow; how much more confidence you gain and how much energy you'll save through not stewing over it all.
Perhaps you 'tear yourself down' because deep down you believe you're not worthy? I certainly know that it took me years to get over a spate of bullying in y8 and y9 (all my friends turned on me and I had nobody, through sheer jealousy of the fact that I was getting good grades- but they've all wrecked their lives up now- drugs, smoking, failing their GCSEs etc, whereas I have good grades and a Durham Uni place hahahaha *wicked laughter*) and for a long long time (literally until last year) I had such low self confidence. Or is it that you believe you don't deserve to have happiness or that this happiness will never be permanent- it can never last, so why set yourslef up for disappointment? These are only amateur attempts at psycho-analysis: only you can unlock the fundamental reason why and thus have the happiness and freedom you so deserve.
Perhaps you 'tear yourself down' because deep down you believe you're not worthy? I certainly know that it took me years to get over a spate of bullying in y8 and y9 (all my friends turned on me and I had nobody, through sheer jealousy of the fact that I was getting good grades- but they've all wrecked their lives up now- drugs, smoking, failing their GCSEs etc, whereas I have good grades and a Durham Uni place hahahaha *wicked laughter*) and for a long long time (literally until last year) I had such low self confidence. Or is it that you believe you don't deserve to have happiness or that this happiness will never be permanent- it can never last, so why set yourslef up for disappointment? These are only amateur attempts at psycho-analysis: only you can unlock the fundamental reason why and thus have the happiness and freedom you so deserve.
aww! thanks for the reply. i don't know..i just feel like i can't believe in myself, no matter how much i try. sometimes, i feel so great. but other times, i just think of compliments as nothing.
i didn't have a very nice childhood - i think that may have had quite a severe effect on me as its made me really shy & very lacking in confidence. yeah i think your right, i feel like i don't deserve the happiness, because i don't know..as a child, i wasn't given the chance to experience that happiness so maybe i feel like i shouldn't be happy?
i just wish i could have the confidence to see myself as beautiful. i just can't. i don't feel attractive at all. i could have people tell me i'm attractive but a few days later, i'd put it all down to them seeing me in the morning when i looked fresh, or seeing me from a certain angle, or as something they say about everyone.
i feel like i rely too much on other people's perceptions of me. yet that is only short term. i just can't stop these thoughts at all & they are ruining my life.
i didn't have a very nice childhood - i think that may have had quite a severe effect on me as its made me really shy & very lacking in confidence. yeah i think your right, i feel like i don't deserve the happiness, because i don't know..as a child, i wasn't given the chance to experience that happiness so maybe i feel like i shouldn't be happy?
i just wish i could have the confidence to see myself as beautiful. i just can't. i don't feel attractive at all. i could have people tell me i'm attractive but a few days later, i'd put it all down to them seeing me in the morning when i looked fresh, or seeing me from a certain angle, or as something they say about everyone.
i feel like i rely too much on other people's perceptions of me. yet that is only short term. i just can't stop these thoughts at all & they are ruining my life.
Anonymous
aww! thanks for the reply. i don't know..i just feel like i can't believe in myself, no matter how much i try. sometimes, i feel so great. but other times, i just think of compliments as nothing.
i didn't have a very nice childhood - i think that may have had quite a severe effect on me as its made me really shy & very lacking in confidence. yeah i think your right, i feel like i don't deserve the happiness, because i don't know..as a child, i wasn't given the chance to experience that happiness so maybe i feel like i shouldn't be happy?
i just wish i could have the confidence to see myself as beautiful. i just can't. i don't feel attractive at all. i could have people tell me i'm attractive but a few days later, i'd put it all down to them seeing me in the morning when i looked fresh, or seeing me from a certain angle, or as something they say about everyone.
i feel like i rely too much on other people's perceptions of me. yet that is only short term. i just can't stop these thoughts at all & they are ruining my life.
i didn't have a very nice childhood - i think that may have had quite a severe effect on me as its made me really shy & very lacking in confidence. yeah i think your right, i feel like i don't deserve the happiness, because i don't know..as a child, i wasn't given the chance to experience that happiness so maybe i feel like i shouldn't be happy?
i just wish i could have the confidence to see myself as beautiful. i just can't. i don't feel attractive at all. i could have people tell me i'm attractive but a few days later, i'd put it all down to them seeing me in the morning when i looked fresh, or seeing me from a certain angle, or as something they say about everyone.
i feel like i rely too much on other people's perceptions of me. yet that is only short term. i just can't stop these thoughts at all & they are ruining my life.
100% ditto.
Anonymous
Trust this first gut instinct.
Anonymous
If a builder shouts "Hey sexy, wanna sh.ag" then he's takin the p*ss. If he just says a simple "Hi" then he probably means it in a nice way.
If this has been going on for a long time and it is really effecting you then maybe counselling might be a solution and I am in no way saying there is something wrong with you as I think we all feel the way you do at some point of our lives. It is just an idea.
Good luck
Okay, this is what I think:
About the guy at work being all friendly-*******s. If somebody compliments you, they do it because something about you has struck them so profoundly they feel the need to tell you just how wonderful you are/ youare looking. And usually when a man does it (correct me if I'm wrong) it's because they can quite easily imagine themselves getting horizontal with you.
The builders like the look of you and feel all manly and showy-offy for talking to you. If they thought you were unnattaractive they wouldn't give you a second glance. Such is the way of lechy builders.
You have recognised that your self-perceptions are dangerously scewed. What past experiences are you refering to may I ask? Are we talking comments made by bullies or something similar? In which case, as hurtful as these things are, and as lng as they stay with you, they are complete crap. You are over-analysing throw -away comments and blowing things wildly out of proportion in your mind. It's a horrible mind frame to be in and the situation will only get worse as it will make you more and more intropective until you get the "everybody's staring at me and thinking I'm this or I'm that" feeling. I am sure that you have nothing to worry about..apart from this state of mind. It is so, so self-destructive. Please don't go down this path- you will look back on it in a few years and regret wasting so much time preoccupied with imaginary things and feeling so sad. I would suggest you ask mates/ family to tell you your best features (physically/ character) or even think back to past compliments. Look in the mirror at your best bits. What are you most proud of in your life so far? What have you achieved? What do you want to achieve? What are you good at? Maybe you're a good listener, a really kind person, a talented pianist. Please PM me if you want to talk more. I hope this rambling post has been vaguely helpful at least! xXx
EDIT: few people wake up looking like full-made up supermodels
EDIT: I can empathise quite well with your situation, as a child I was on the receiving end of a lot of nasty remarks & treatment from my father. It does leave an imprint on you. It will fade, but this process is facilitated by your own attitudes and self-belief. I never used to believe compliments frm people (men, mates, family) were genuine either, but when people say things frequently enough it starts to sink in.
About the guy at work being all friendly-*******s. If somebody compliments you, they do it because something about you has struck them so profoundly they feel the need to tell you just how wonderful you are/ youare looking. And usually when a man does it (correct me if I'm wrong) it's because they can quite easily imagine themselves getting horizontal with you.
The builders like the look of you and feel all manly and showy-offy for talking to you. If they thought you were unnattaractive they wouldn't give you a second glance. Such is the way of lechy builders.
You have recognised that your self-perceptions are dangerously scewed. What past experiences are you refering to may I ask? Are we talking comments made by bullies or something similar? In which case, as hurtful as these things are, and as lng as they stay with you, they are complete crap. You are over-analysing throw -away comments and blowing things wildly out of proportion in your mind. It's a horrible mind frame to be in and the situation will only get worse as it will make you more and more intropective until you get the "everybody's staring at me and thinking I'm this or I'm that" feeling. I am sure that you have nothing to worry about..apart from this state of mind. It is so, so self-destructive. Please don't go down this path- you will look back on it in a few years and regret wasting so much time preoccupied with imaginary things and feeling so sad. I would suggest you ask mates/ family to tell you your best features (physically/ character) or even think back to past compliments. Look in the mirror at your best bits. What are you most proud of in your life so far? What have you achieved? What do you want to achieve? What are you good at? Maybe you're a good listener, a really kind person, a talented pianist. Please PM me if you want to talk more. I hope this rambling post has been vaguely helpful at least! xXx
EDIT: few people wake up looking like full-made up supermodels
EDIT: I can empathise quite well with your situation, as a child I was on the receiving end of a lot of nasty remarks & treatment from my father. It does leave an imprint on you. It will fade, but this process is facilitated by your own attitudes and self-belief. I never used to believe compliments frm people (men, mates, family) were genuine either, but when people say things frequently enough it starts to sink in.
mipmapped
Magenta? Really?
What does Magenta have to do with anything?
And from discussions between myself and my friends (male and female); around college; in magazines etc and even in totally bizzare locations like the ladies wash room then yeah, I'd say so. Isn't it the case that everyone experiences at some point the feeling that a compliment may be an insult rather than bona fide and thus experience some degree of doubt, no matter how fleeting?
BouncyB
thanks for the good advice, evn tho it wasnt aimed at me.
Bx
Bx
If you were thanking me, you're welcome. Also,please feel free to PM me. I almost got sucked into this mind set a few years ago...it is so horrible and pointless! Anyone feeling like this is 100% capable of getting themselves out of this rut. It pains me to think of people feeling so low,when everyone on here is, what, prob talking aged 15-22? One of the best times of our lives. NO WAY should it be spent teary and filled with nigggling worries and self-doubt.
johnnysgirl
If you were thanking me, you're welcome. Also,please feel free to PM me. I almost got sucked into this mind set a few years ago...it is so horrible and pointless! Anyone feeling like this is 100% capable of getting themselves out of this rut. It pains me to think of people feeling so low,when everyone on here is, what, prob talking aged 15-22? One of the best times of our lives. NO WAY should it be spent teary and filled with nigggling worries and self-doubt.
yeah, i agree. Its just living at home is killing me. cant wait for sept so i can move out 2 uni, and be away!!!
johnnysgirl
Okay, this is what I think:
About the guy at work being all friendly-*******s. If somebody compliments you, they do it because something about you has struck them so profoundly they feel the need to tell you just how wonderful you are/ youare looking. And usually when a man does it (correct me if I'm wrong) it's because they can quite easily imagine themselves getting horizontal with you.
The builders like the look of you and feel all manly and showy-offy for talking to you. If they thought you were unnattaractive they wouldn't give you a second glance. Such is the way of lechy builders.
You have recognised that your self-perceptions are dangerously scewed. What past experiences are you refering to may I ask? Are we talking comments made by bullies or something similar? In which case, as hurtful as these things are, and as lng as they stay with you, they are complete crap. You are over-analysing throw -away comments and blowing things wildly out of proportion in your mind. It's a horrible mind frame to be in and the situation will only get worse as it will make you more and more intropective until you get the "everybody's staring at me and thinking I'm this or I'm that" feeling. I am sure that you have nothing to worry about..apart from this state of mind. It is so, so self-destructive. Please don't go down this path- you will look back on it in a few years and regret wasting so much time preoccupied with imaginary things and feeling so sad. I would suggest you ask mates/ family to tell you your best features (physically/ character) or even think back to past compliments. Look in the mirror at your best bits. What are you most proud of in your life so far? What have you achieved? What do you want to achieve? What are you good at? Maybe you're a good listener, a really kind person, a talented pianist. Please PM me if you want to talk more. I hope this rambling post has been vaguely helpful at least! xXx
EDIT: few people wake up looking like full-made up supermodels
EDIT: I can empathise quite well with your situation, as a child I was on the receiving end of a lot of nasty remarks & treatment from my father. It does leave an imprint on you. It will fade, but this process is facilitated by your own attitudes and self-belief. I never used to believe compliments frm people (men, mates, family) were genuine either, but when people say things frequently enough it starts to sink in.
About the guy at work being all friendly-*******s. If somebody compliments you, they do it because something about you has struck them so profoundly they feel the need to tell you just how wonderful you are/ youare looking. And usually when a man does it (correct me if I'm wrong) it's because they can quite easily imagine themselves getting horizontal with you.
The builders like the look of you and feel all manly and showy-offy for talking to you. If they thought you were unnattaractive they wouldn't give you a second glance. Such is the way of lechy builders.
You have recognised that your self-perceptions are dangerously scewed. What past experiences are you refering to may I ask? Are we talking comments made by bullies or something similar? In which case, as hurtful as these things are, and as lng as they stay with you, they are complete crap. You are over-analysing throw -away comments and blowing things wildly out of proportion in your mind. It's a horrible mind frame to be in and the situation will only get worse as it will make you more and more intropective until you get the "everybody's staring at me and thinking I'm this or I'm that" feeling. I am sure that you have nothing to worry about..apart from this state of mind. It is so, so self-destructive. Please don't go down this path- you will look back on it in a few years and regret wasting so much time preoccupied with imaginary things and feeling so sad. I would suggest you ask mates/ family to tell you your best features (physically/ character) or even think back to past compliments. Look in the mirror at your best bits. What are you most proud of in your life so far? What have you achieved? What do you want to achieve? What are you good at? Maybe you're a good listener, a really kind person, a talented pianist. Please PM me if you want to talk more. I hope this rambling post has been vaguely helpful at least! xXx
EDIT: few people wake up looking like full-made up supermodels
EDIT: I can empathise quite well with your situation, as a child I was on the receiving end of a lot of nasty remarks & treatment from my father. It does leave an imprint on you. It will fade, but this process is facilitated by your own attitudes and self-belief. I never used to believe compliments frm people (men, mates, family) were genuine either, but when people say things frequently enough it starts to sink in.
I don't really want to go into much detail, but my father was very violent towards me & my family when i was around 8 to the age of 16/17, not so much anymore but it still happens. i received & still do recieve some very harsh emotional abuse, which adds to my low self esteem.
i can't stop having these wildly out of proportion thoughts. i try not to have them, but i can't stop them & they make me feel quite depressed. i try to see things from a 'normal' perspective but its very short lasting.
thankyou for the idea about asking me friends and family about my best features - i may try that!
*Arc
Aw, honey, everyone feels this way- those little niggles of doubt over a compliment; the moments of paranoia. I struggle with it: someone will do something and i wonder whether they're really being nice or if their comments have a veiled meaning. Or alternately, they will annoy me and I'll stew for hours over whether it was careless, but not deliberate, or whether there truly was intention behind it. Anyway, I am trying to just 'let it go'- take compliments and seemingly kind comments at face value. For the mostpart, the compliments are true and if you're getting male attention from more than one source you're obviously attractive. Believe in yourself! I know it's a hard thing to overcome- I really do, but when you start trusting and believing it's amazing how much more you glow; how much more confidence you gain and how much energy you'll save through not stewing over it all.
Perhaps you 'tear yourself down' because deep down you believe you're not worthy? I certainly know that it took me years to get over a spate of bullying in y8 and y9 (all my friends turned on me and I had nobody, through sheer jealousy of the fact that I was getting good grades- but they've all wrecked their lives up now- drugs, smoking, failing their GCSEs etc, whereas I have good grades and a Durham Uni place hahahaha *wicked laughter*) and for a long long time (literally until last year) I had such low self confidence. Or is it that you believe you don't deserve to have happiness or that this happiness will never be permanent- it can never last, so why set yourslef up for disappointment? These are only amateur attempts at psycho-analysis: only you can unlock the fundamental reason why and thus have the happiness and freedom you so deserve.
Perhaps you 'tear yourself down' because deep down you believe you're not worthy? I certainly know that it took me years to get over a spate of bullying in y8 and y9 (all my friends turned on me and I had nobody, through sheer jealousy of the fact that I was getting good grades- but they've all wrecked their lives up now- drugs, smoking, failing their GCSEs etc, whereas I have good grades and a Durham Uni place hahahaha *wicked laughter*) and for a long long time (literally until last year) I had such low self confidence. Or is it that you believe you don't deserve to have happiness or that this happiness will never be permanent- it can never last, so why set yourslef up for disappointment? These are only amateur attempts at psycho-analysis: only you can unlock the fundamental reason why and thus have the happiness and freedom you so deserve.
Ouch!! My eyes, my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
Anonymous
I don't really want to go into much detail, but my father was very violent towards me & my family when i was around 8 to the age of 16/17, not so much anymore but it still happens. i received & still do recieve some very harsh emotional abuse, which adds to my low self esteem.
i can't stop having these wildly out of proportion thoughts. i try not to have them, but i can't stop them & they make me feel quite depressed. i try to see things from a 'normal' perspective but its very short lasting.
thankyou for the idea about asking me friends and family about my best features - i may try that!
i can't stop having these wildly out of proportion thoughts. i try not to have them, but i can't stop them & they make me feel quite depressed. i try to see things from a 'normal' perspective but its very short lasting.
thankyou for the idea about asking me friends and family about my best features - i may try that!
My family is a very negative one, always puttin me down, naggind at me 4 tiny things, giving me constant hassle ect. So while i apreciate that my sutuation is no where near as severe as yours, i still feel similar.
Anonymous
I don't really want to go into much detail, but my father was very violent towards me & my family when i was around 8 to the age of 16/17, not so much anymore but it still happens. i received & still do recieve some very harsh emotional abuse, which adds to my low self esteem.
i can't stop having these wildly out of proportion thoughts. i try not to have them, but i can't stop them & they make me feel quite depressed. i try to see things from a 'normal' perspective but its very short lasting.
thankyou for the idea about asking me friends and family about my best features - i may try that!
i can't stop having these wildly out of proportion thoughts. i try not to have them, but i can't stop them & they make me feel quite depressed. i try to see things from a 'normal' perspective but its very short lasting.
thankyou for the idea about asking me friends and family about my best features - i may try that!
Poor you. Saying you've had a rough time would be an understatement I'm guessing. No wonder this is happening to you..every time you realise how great you are you get knocked back down. Try to stay strong. It won't be easy to change your perspectives overnight, your brain gets very used to thinking in a certain way. Do things that make you feel good about yourself- i.e wearing your favourite top or doing your hair in a way that you know looks good. Superficial? Yup. But if you feel better about how you look than that'll give you a confidence boost. Exercise is a bloody brilliant mood lifter, as well as making you sleep more soundly, improving your health and physique and making you feel generally on a high and good about yourself. Keep yourself busy..social life, study etc. Get a new hobby or do some volunteering. It'll eat into the time you're alone to have negative thoughts plus hopefully add another dimension to how you see yourself.
BouncyB
My family is a very negative one, always puttin me down, naggind at me 4 tiny things, giving me constant hassle ect. So while i apreciate that my sutuation is no where near as severe as yours, i still feel similar.
The older you get, I think the more easily you can put family relationships and their complexities into perspective. Not saying they get easier- and everybody's situation is different..not to diverge too much but we moved out of my dad's house..old feelings die hard though- but leaving home definatley should help. Make sure you have a good, strong group of mates and a life outside your home-life.
mipmapped
Exactly.
I couldn't actually read what you had written.
I couldn't actually read what you had written.
Why do people keep goin on about my fonts?? If I use plum people complain that it's too pale and they can't see it and if I use the darker magenta now people whinge that it's too bright!! Well it's gonna stay magenta until TSR invent a nice, legible shade of pink (I have to match my avatar, obviously).
I don't whinge about you writing in boring black- either tolerate it or skip over my posts.Typist.
i'm looking forward to going to University this year. i feel like i need to get out from here, otherwise i don't think i can move on & start fresh.
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