Sex or friendship

I've been with my bf for a few years now. He will always be my best friend and wants us to get married. I love him but is friendship enough? Neither of us is sex-mad but that doesn't bother us. Is is better to marry someone you really get on well with? My parents have never been "friends" in the way we are and my mum says I would be better with by bf than anyone else.

Reply 1

envious

Well only you know how you feel about your b/f and whether you think you would be happy being married to him :smile:

.

I would say though that personally I do not think I would be happy marrying someone I only saw as a friend. Of course it is really great if you can get on with your partner and be friends with them but I'd say the most important thing in a relationship is that you're attracted to them. Afterall, I can think of many of my mates who I get on with extremly well but I wouldn't consider dating/marrying them just because of this factor alone (also a lot of them are girls :rolleyes:

). If you are planning to marry your b/f as a way to somehow consolidate your friendship then I think that it's a bit of an extreme and misguided measure.

Marriage is a declaration of love to someone you intend to be your partner for life, not your best friend

Reply 2

Snowfall

I don't really understand. You said neither of you are sex-mad. You're best friends. So...what's the problem?..If you love him, then it's not just friendship is it?.... confused! Is there NO sexual attraction there?

Reply 3

Redefined

He obviously loves you, do you love him?

If so then whats the prob? The 'physical' thing? Well it doesn't say in the wedding vows will you love, cherrish and have sex with ..... blah blah blah :wink:

Reply 4

Schmokie Dragon

being friends is REALLY important. You need to have someone you are totaly at ease with, who you can talk to, who is always there for you, who really respects you and doesnt just love you, but really likes you as a human being.

If he really does all that, and you to him, then that is so much better than pure physical attraction. Imagine, when you are 70 you will both be wrinkly and have no sex drive. You need a friend then.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I really do love him. He is in his final year at uni (I finished my course last year and am working). He is going to join the RAF and will be away training for six months. I won't see him for about six weeks and then only at weekends for another four months. I'll miss him more than anyone can possibly imagine and am already tearful. He wants me to go out with other people - in a group, as friends - and not just mope at home when he's away.

Reply 6

Talon

Sounds to me like you love him....

Reply 7

Schmokie Dragon

I think its clearly romantic.

Well, if you love him this much and you are friends, why not. Unless you actualy have real doubts. You should know if you are right for eachother but you dont sound to sure. But honestyly, you don't need sex for a really great marriage.

Reply 8

anjurdsg

choose:

friendship, short-term relationship, long-term relationship, marriage

dont mix and match! it will break apart some day!

if friendship, then friendship....doesnt matter.....and from what you've said so far, i can say that you like him more as a friend than as a "boyfriend" or "marriage material"... choose wisely

Reply 9

hunnybunny7789

well if u love him then yur mums right its gr8 to be m8s wit yur bf it makes all the uncomfortable moments of a relationship a lot more comfortable

Reply 10

ebonyphoenix

I think that the most important thing in a relationship is having someone you can talk to and be friends with. Yes, physical attraction and sex plays a role, but if you're spending the rest of your life with this person I think it's far more important that you get on really well than if you have a great sex life. You miss him, you both feel the same, you definitely seem to love him; I don't understand what the problem is. There are a lot of people (including my parents) who don't just have the best friends/tell each other everything aspect of a relationship and it takes a toll if you don't.

Not everyone has to be sex crazy. You shouldn't judge your relationship by the apparently very sex filled relationships of TSR. All that matters in a relationship is the two of you; not what everyone else judges the ideal relationship as. Everyone wants different things out of a relationship and it seems to me you have probably found your match.

Reply 11

wednesburywench

my boyfriend just split up with me for that reason. Said he sees me as a very close friend now. We had been together 4 years, i was gutted, but if you aint got that spark then no u shudnt be together, altho I had the spark but if one hasnt then its not gona work.

Reply 12

wednesburywench

altho i think friendship is really important, thats why me and my boyfriends relationship was so so gud, and lasted so long. But he didnt see it that way, he thinks if were friends then we should be friends and not lovers :frown: