I really want to make friends now, but I don't think I can

    • Thread Starter

    Hello I'm in my second year of uni and I'm 20. I have always been shy and have never really been able to make friends. I'm not reclusive, I do meet quite a lot of people but I never seem to meet anyone who wants to be my friend. Also because I have never had a girlfriend before I have become quite pre-occupied with that and have not worried too much about not having friends.

    But now I've realised just how important having friends is. Like I said, I have always tried to make friends but I've struggled to meet people that like me, even though I've been to societies at uni and stuff. So I'm really worried that I will never really be able to make friends and that I will find it very hard to meet people that will click with me. I'm a genuine, honest person, I have a good sense of humour, but I feel left out in a lot of conversations as I don't know much about films and music etc. Also if I meet a group of people and don't feel like I can become friendly with them I just clam up and get away as soon as possible. I really want to just have an ordinary life, I am not bad looking and would like to have a wife and kids one day, I have ambitions etc but my total lack of friends is holding me back and I'm worried that I will be lonely for the rest of my life

    I am in the same boat, so I can offer absolutely zero advice. Are you sure you're mixing with enough people? PM me if you want to talk.:console:
    • Thread Starter

    Anyone else?

    People become friends out of circumstance. Either they are forced together in a formal setting such as school or work, of in an informal one such as a club or hobby.

    However, as people get older, their social network of acquaintances might increase but generally their number of actual friends decreases. Having friends might seem important now when you're at university surrounded by people with their friends, but in five years time you'll be in a completely different environment with different people who feel differently.

    It sounds to me like you're over-thinking all of this. How do you know that the people you've met don't like you? Have they said it outright?
    • Thread Starter

    I just can't see where else I can make friends. It feels like I've exhausted every option

    Don't be afraid of people, and dont force yourself to find a friend. Just live your life, and people who would like to be with you will be.

    I am quite chatty person myself, but have few people that I can call friends.
    Joining clubs and societies helps a lot, consider joining one in your uni. Joining sport club helps to, something like rowing or any other team sport.

    Don't worry about it and focus on your studies more , you are 20ish for gods sake ! the rest of your life is ahead of you!

    the reason why you dont have friends is because you just think ' i have nothing in common with these people' but in reality most people become friends out of circumstance, and can be very different individuals, pepole make friends with work colleques, flatmates etc, of course there gonna be all different.
    i used to think like you and judge people, but then i realised the reason why i had no friends and i wasnt happy was because of these judgements.
    now i dont judge people on looks or personalities and it makes me a lot less anxious about meeting new people. most people are friendly, and strive to be friends whoever they are.
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