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I have a flirting problem.

This might sound a little weird, but it's a genuine problem! I'm naturally very flirtatious and find it very easy to talk to guys and have a laugh etc. This results in a lot of guys being interested and asking me out, and I go on quite a lot of dates which never really lead anywhere because I don't really feel that way about the guy and I'd rather just be friends. But when I do actually like someone, I find it really difficult to flirt. I feel really self-conscious and end up being much more serious and reserved than I usually am to hide my embarrassment. I think guys like the flirt in me, but I only ever really show that side of me to guys I'm not interested in. What's wrong with me? :redface:

There's a guy I like a lot at the moment, but I have no way of knowing whether he likes me as more than just a friend, because I find it impossible to act in that way around him in case it all goes horribly wrong. So I end up being all matey with the guy I should be flirting with, and flirty with the guys I should really cool down a bit with! It's so annoying, but I do it every time. What should I do?

Reply 1

Monkey_Maiden

11

Hiya I have a similar problem, I tend to flirt quite a bit and as most of my mates are guys it gets weird as they get the wrong idea but I really don't intend to lead them on, its just my personality. I've tried really hard to stop recently but it seems I'm just naturally flirty :rolleyes:

And similarly to you when Imeet a guy I like I tend to freeze up and find it hard to flirt or even get them to see the real me!
I don't have much advice sorry just to say you're not alone

Reply 2

username38546

0

11

At least you dont have the nickname 'the glossopdale manwhore'

Yeah I have the same problem, have just accepted it as part of me.

Reply 3

MagicNMedicine

20

Pretty much everybody has the same issue. It's easy to come over cool and confident to somebody you feel ambivalent about but clam up when its someone you are interested in, because the stakes are higher. Its the sporting equivalent of being cool and confident all league season and then playing panicked on cup final day.

The other thing that could be going through your head is that if you like someone, subconsciously you're worried that it will be obvious and so you act the opposite to try and cover it up!

Reply 4

Mark S

17

Maybe when you realise you like someone quite a bit, you realise that it's quite serious. Flirting with guys in a bar or something is fun and isnt serious.

Reply 5

wednesburywench

2

yea god i was terrified when I wanted to flirt with my ex at first, I couldnt even face talking to him when he found out I liked him. I didnt wana rush anythin either, something told me he was special and I knew. Maybe this guy means a little more to you than just some fun? Just carry on being friends, you dont need to flirt to get the guy to like you, just drop maybe little hints if you feel he likes you back, if not try being more and more friends, he may change his mind.

Reply 6

Apricot Fairy

OP

16

Yeah, I'm really impatient but I think there's really nothing I can do except keep talking to him as a friend. He's a mystery though as far as his love life is concerned, so it's a funny one. I feel as though if I was capable of flirting with him it would be much easier to see whether he might like me from his reaction......but I can't!

Reply 7

bluenoxid

13

Apricot Fairy

There's a guy I like a lot at the moment, but I have no way of knowing whether he likes me as more than just a friend, because I find it impossible to act in that way around him in case it all goes horribly wrong. So I end up being all matey with the guy I should be flirting with, and flirty with the guys I should really cool down a bit with! It's so annoying, but I do it every time. What should I do?

Im possibly like this guy. I really dont know, what would get me to hook on. You dont want to lose this guy so snuggling up to him in the cinema might be a put off.

I know its really not traditional, but explaining the situation in a really quick way, then asking him out, may make him realise. Although Im useless at this relationship thing

Reply 8

Misogynist

18

Hmm, First of all deflate your ego..

Reply 9

KerriT

9

It's nice to know that I'm not the only flirt. I don't even notice that I'm doing it, I don't really consider it flirting but sometimes my friends will say to me that I was flirting with whoever when I didn't think I was. Apparently I flirt with anyone vaguely attractive and not fat under forty. Oh dear.

Reply 10

Apricot Fairy

OP

16

Godsize

Hmm, First of all deflate your ego..

If that was the problem I'm sure I'd find it easy to flirt with him...

Reply 11

Apricot Fairy

OP

16

Pretty Boy

IMO you lack a little bit of confidence because you've built this guy up in your mind.

You don't have to flirt with the guy. Just be really friendly, smile a lot and make sure you're around when he's out.

If its gonna happen he'll try then.

Wow, you're giving me advice......I'm impressed!

Reply 12

Apricot Fairy

OP

16

Not really, I used to be insecure but I'm not any more.

Reply 13

Choad

1

Apricot Fairy

This might sound a little weird, but it's a genuine problem! I'm naturally very flirtatious and find it very easy to talk to guys and have a laugh etc. This results in a lot of guys being interested and asking me out, and I go on quite a lot of dates which never really lead anywhere because I don't really feel that way about the guy and I'd rather just be friends. But when I do actually like someone, I find it really difficult to flirt. I feel really self-conscious and end up being much more serious and reserved than I usually am to hide my embarrassment. I think guys like the flirt in me, but I only ever really show that side of me to guys I'm not interested in. What's wrong with me? :redface:

There's a guy I like a lot at the moment, but I have no way of knowing whether he likes me as more than just a friend, because I find it impossible to act in that way around him in case it all goes horribly wrong. So I end up being all matey with the guy I should be flirting with, and flirty with the guys I should really cool down a bit with! It's so annoying, but I do it every time. What should I do?

haha yeah, im like that too. sucks balls! i can be the smoothest pimp in town when i dont actually like (in taht way) the girl im talking to, but when i am totally in to someone i talk like a complete eejit

Reply 14

Apricot Fairy

OP

16

Pretty Boy

I used to be an alcoholic but I don't want drink any more. Believe me?

That's like saying shoes are better than toffee. Two completely unrelated things which can't be used as a basis for comparison. Insecurity is not an addiction, and can therefore be overcome.