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People think I'm gay
To start with, I'm male, and I'm not gay. I have had girlfriends in the past, and still am attracted to females.
However, people have recently started to ask me whether I'm geniunely gay. Even a close friend of mine has asked.
In the past, people have jokingly said "oh, you're gay" etc etc, as would be expected from friends - just the kind of stuff that happens between all friends. But recently, people have started to press a little bit further like they are searching for an answer to whether I am actually geniunely gay or not but use the humour to cover it up.
Several times, it hasn't even been in a jokey manner. Some people I have known for years have actually asked, straight out, "are you gay?"
I know I'm straight, but the problem is, people around me are starting to get suspicious. I think it may be for the following reasons:
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
Why else? I don't know. I'm just feeling a little bit weird at the moment. What can I do to prove to people that I'm completely straight?
However, people have recently started to ask me whether I'm geniunely gay. Even a close friend of mine has asked.
In the past, people have jokingly said "oh, you're gay" etc etc, as would be expected from friends - just the kind of stuff that happens between all friends. But recently, people have started to press a little bit further like they are searching for an answer to whether I am actually geniunely gay or not but use the humour to cover it up.
Several times, it hasn't even been in a jokey manner. Some people I have known for years have actually asked, straight out, "are you gay?"
I know I'm straight, but the problem is, people around me are starting to get suspicious. I think it may be for the following reasons:
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
Why else? I don't know. I'm just feeling a little bit weird at the moment. What can I do to prove to people that I'm completely straight?
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Quite frankly the others are no-one to judge. You shouldn't have to keep repeating yourself or justifying yourself. You know ur straight. end of. They shouldn't be THAT interested- its actually none of their business and it should affect the friendship they have with you. It must be rather irrating- perhaps if they dont get over the whole thing or stil dont believe u, maybe u should look for some new friends.
x
x
Why do you need to prove that you are straight? They can believe what they want. I'd play on the fact they thought I was gay if I were you. Would be amusing for you I'm sure.
hitmanuk2k
Why do you need to prove that you are straight? They can believe what they want. I'd play on the fact they thought I was gay if I were you. Would be amusing for you I'm sure.
To be fair, the girl I really fancy at the moment does seem to have a thing for gay guys. She's best mates with a gay guy I know. Hmmmm, well it's one way of getting to know her I suppose
To be honest, in reality I doubt you're gonna be able to change people's opinions of you at this stage. As you know you're straight, you should be comfortable with your sexuality so you've gotta do your best just to ignore them; and wait for university and that "fresh start".
Listen mate, if your straight, then that's all that matters.
I had a similar problem a few years ago, where people assumed I was gay.
I think it was because of similar reasons as you put down. I know how hard it can be, because with me, i got extremely paranoid and self-conscious. I would ask really close friends whether it was the way i dressed, talked, behaved and I would go crazy and it made it harder for me to socialise and I found it very hard to meet new girls.
In my situation, most of people I knew in the school thought that I was gay, when I went to college all that has changed. I don't want to be saying this but i think once they all assume your gay, you have to get out of that context because you can never really change someones mind. Once people see you in a certain way, that view is fixated and no matter what you do, get into sports or get a girlfriend, they would probably still think the same. Though you should not feel forced to have a girlfriend or get into sports. I personally hate most sports, especially football and if anyone is gonna label me something becuase of that then they can p*** off
I had a similar problem a few years ago, where people assumed I was gay.
I think it was because of similar reasons as you put down. I know how hard it can be, because with me, i got extremely paranoid and self-conscious. I would ask really close friends whether it was the way i dressed, talked, behaved and I would go crazy and it made it harder for me to socialise and I found it very hard to meet new girls.
In my situation, most of people I knew in the school thought that I was gay, when I went to college all that has changed. I don't want to be saying this but i think once they all assume your gay, you have to get out of that context because you can never really change someones mind. Once people see you in a certain way, that view is fixated and no matter what you do, get into sports or get a girlfriend, they would probably still think the same. Though you should not feel forced to have a girlfriend or get into sports. I personally hate most sports, especially football and if anyone is gonna label me something becuase of that then they can p*** off
I have the same problem too sometimes. People often asume i am gay because like you, you couldn't really describe me as masculine. Apparantly i have gay manerisms too, like in the way i move my hands etc which i think is the main reason people often suspect it of me. I wouldnt worry about it, besides quite a few girls like the fact that you arent a masculine stereotype.
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
So your friends think you're gay because of common stereotypes?
Maybe people enjoy being single. To say that interests are inherently linked to gender is illogical. Also homosexuality and femininity aren't the same.
hmm i had a similar problem for most of high school... because i think i never acted like other guys in my year.. ( my school had a lot of black and asian "rude bwoys") but for some reason i was targetted more and for some reason ppl just thought that i had NO masculinity coz i didnt act like them.. for instance i didnt say words such as "bregin" (meaning friend in nw london) and "eyy blud" (wats up mate) and for a long time it really bothered me coz i couldnt understand why ppl thought that.. coz i dont have "gay" mannerisms and my voice is not feminine but i still got labelled!
even though i was one of the best defenders in the year (in football)i still got heavily criticised by the " top popular rude bwoys"....
and to make it worst in year 10/11 i became best friends with a girl and coz i was best friends with this girl and her friends became my friends, ppl automatically thought i liked men coz of that.. coz majority of my friends were girls.. and i always felt i had to "prove" myself.. much so like you feel now Anonymous
but i really think u should just forget wat ppl are sayin.. not matter how hard it is because it really doesnt matter wat they think.. u should reason it like this... just because i act a bit feminine does it mean i like d**k? and then u will realise others are just plain old thick!
(gettin awfully long lol) but also i noticed that i was targetted more than ppl who were extremely more feminine that myself.. and many of my friends suggested that it was because i was quite popular and got good grades so the "rude bwoys and some rude gyals" probably thought( as suggested by some of my friends ) that " why is he popular and doesnt conform to the stereotype of ghetto london?"
so if ur in the situation it could be why u could possibly be more under intense scruitiny! and as time goes on u will realise that wat ppl say bout ur sexuality doesnt matter.. unless u doubt urself
sorry for such a long "life storyish" post but thought it could help!
even though i was one of the best defenders in the year (in football)i still got heavily criticised by the " top popular rude bwoys"....
and to make it worst in year 10/11 i became best friends with a girl and coz i was best friends with this girl and her friends became my friends, ppl automatically thought i liked men coz of that.. coz majority of my friends were girls.. and i always felt i had to "prove" myself.. much so like you feel now Anonymous
but i really think u should just forget wat ppl are sayin.. not matter how hard it is because it really doesnt matter wat they think.. u should reason it like this... just because i act a bit feminine does it mean i like d**k? and then u will realise others are just plain old thick!
(gettin awfully long lol) but also i noticed that i was targetted more than ppl who were extremely more feminine that myself.. and many of my friends suggested that it was because i was quite popular and got good grades so the "rude bwoys and some rude gyals" probably thought( as suggested by some of my friends ) that " why is he popular and doesnt conform to the stereotype of ghetto london?"
so if ur in the situation it could be why u could possibly be more under intense scruitiny! and as time goes on u will realise that wat ppl say bout ur sexuality doesnt matter.. unless u doubt urself
sorry for such a long "life storyish" post but thought it could help!
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
Point number 3 is what makes all the difference!!!
(If you think Point 2 is affecting this, go and jump out the window now... desperate guys NEVER get anything)
First of all, FIND OUT if the people are actually JOKING or are seriously THINKING you're gay...figure out...ask them... dont get pissed at them...just ask them...
Now, you dont have to go and start playing rugby and become all macho, or go out to Las Vegas and get laid for 20 cents..
No...here's a word of advice: if ALL people (not some people) REALLY DO think you're gay, then it's not THEIR problem... it's what YOU are showing to them...
Maybe it's your body language? the way you hold yourself when you speak to people? Maybe you dont look into their eyes when you dont speak to them, or you fiddle around with your fingers or clothes or whatever when you speak to people?
Do you, in ANY way, show "submissive" body-language?
All these are feminine characteristics..
Do this: stand in front of the mirror and pretend you're talking to a friend as you would do normally... and OBSERVE YOURSELF... then go out and watch other MEN... then learn from them...
Maybe it's your voice tone?.... Do you have a high voice? Practice speaking from YOUR GUTS instead of your throat... try resonating your voice... listen to other people speak... tape your own voice and listen to it...
Remember a person's communication happens 93% through body language and 7% through words.. words are only a means of communication invented by humans when there's no other FASTER way...
Or last but not the least, maybe they have NO respect for you, and are just poking fun at you for the hell of it... consider these questions: do you annoy them? do you show attitude? do you do any 100 other 'jackass' things that are against social behaviour?
I had a guy in my school, who was NOT gay... but we ALL made fun of him and called him gay ... because he had an attitude problem...
remember, if ALL people (not some people) treat you badly, its not in a problem in them, it's a problem in you... (note the emphasis on ALL people)
I'm not trying to make you feel bad here... I was like you, treated badly by all people... they didnt think I was gay, but they still treated me badly
good luck
Anonymous
To start with, I'm male, and I'm not gay. I have had girlfriends in the past, and still am attracted to females.
However, people have recently started to ask me whether I'm geniunely gay. Even a close friend of mine has asked.
In the past, people have jokingly said "oh, you're gay" etc etc, as would be expected from friends - just the kind of stuff that happens between all friends. But recently, people have started to press a little bit further like they are searching for an answer to whether I am actually geniunely gay or not but use the humour to cover it up.
Several times, it hasn't even been in a jokey manner. Some people I have known for years have actually asked, straight out, "are you gay?"
I know I'm straight, but the problem is, people around me are starting to get suspicious. I think it may be for the following reasons:
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
Why else? I don't know. I'm just feeling a little bit weird at the moment. What can I do to prove to people that I'm completely straight?
However, people have recently started to ask me whether I'm geniunely gay. Even a close friend of mine has asked.
In the past, people have jokingly said "oh, you're gay" etc etc, as would be expected from friends - just the kind of stuff that happens between all friends. But recently, people have started to press a little bit further like they are searching for an answer to whether I am actually geniunely gay or not but use the humour to cover it up.
Several times, it hasn't even been in a jokey manner. Some people I have known for years have actually asked, straight out, "are you gay?"
I know I'm straight, but the problem is, people around me are starting to get suspicious. I think it may be for the following reasons:
1) I don't have a girlfriend
2) I'm not desperate for a girlfriend like most other guys
3) I'm not as "masculine" as most other guys my age (18) since I'm not into rugby or weights, or getting laid.
Why else? I don't know. I'm just feeling a little bit weird at the moment. What can I do to prove to people that I'm completely straight?
To be honest time is the only thing that will show you are straight, unless you compromise how you are eg having sex with some random girl, however even then people may just say that you are doing it as a cover up. I mean obviously if you do anything which could be termed gay then perhaps avoid doing that, just to ease the situation but I can understand how difficult your situation is because something similar happened to me. If you are slightly different from other people as you appear to be from the reasons that you listed, people may find this difficult to deal with (consciously or unconsciously) and so have to find some other explanation for the way you are, in order that you fit a stereotype which they can understand. I don't know the full circumstances but maybe people are jealous of you for some reason, and therefore want to blacken your name in any way they can? From what you've said I think the way you are is commendable, but it's your choice, either be strong and let time do it's job, or change to fit a stereotype. Personally I think such people must have quite sad lives to be frequently thinking about you and your sexuality! If they don't get a reaction from you, ie you act normally they'll soon get bored of going on, they're the ones with the problem, not you.
What!? That's ridiculous. First of all, dont even worry about it! theres nothing wrong with being gay but you know you're not and theres nothing to prove!! i hate it when people assume things about you that they have no clue about! just be proud of who you are!!
Hmm. To be honest, I think everybody's making too big a deal out of this. I've had people think I'm gay before. If they make jokes about it then I just say 'Yeah baby I've had my eye on you for sometime. Meet you in the toilets in 5 minutes' or something similar. After this, one of three things happen:
1. They play along, we both put on the campest accent with a lisp and continue until boredom.
2. They realise that because I make jokes about it and don't get offended, that I'm comfortable with myself and couldn't give a s**t what anyone else thinks.
3. They get scared and make an excuse to leave. THIS IS THE MOST FUN OF THE THREE! I love messing with people's heads.
Like so many people have said... who cares what people think.
1. They play along, we both put on the campest accent with a lisp and continue until boredom.
2. They realise that because I make jokes about it and don't get offended, that I'm comfortable with myself and couldn't give a s**t what anyone else thinks.
3. They get scared and make an excuse to leave. THIS IS THE MOST FUN OF THE THREE! I love messing with people's heads.
Like so many people have said... who cares what people think.
KingRalph
Hmm. To be honest, I think everybody's making too big a deal out of this. I've had people think I'm gay before. If they make jokes about it then I just say 'Yeah baby I've had my eye on you for sometime. Meet you in the toilets in 5 minutes' or something similar. After this, one of three things happen:
1. They play along, we both put on the campest accent with a lisp and continue until boredom.
2. They realise that because I make jokes about it and don't get offended, that I'm comfortable with myself and couldn't give a s**t what anyone else thinks.
3. They get scared and make an excuse to leave. THIS IS THE MOST FUN OF THE THREE! I love messing with people's heads.
Like so many people have said... who cares what people think.
1. They play along, we both put on the campest accent with a lisp and continue until boredom.
2. They realise that because I make jokes about it and don't get offended, that I'm comfortable with myself and couldn't give a s**t what anyone else thinks.
3. They get scared and make an excuse to leave. THIS IS THE MOST FUN OF THE THREE! I love messing with people's heads.
Like so many people have said... who cares what people think.
I agree with you entirely apart from the idea that people may be making too big a deal out of it, I mean it might not be just a passing thing (a passing thing isn't a big deal), but sometimes it can blow out of all proportion and go on for ages, especially if lots of people cotton onto it.
To whoever gave him 'advice' about 'acting not gay' - I call bull ****. There are people I know who are gay who give no indication whatsoever of it - they play football, rugby, cricket, are as 'one of the guys' as anyone else, and give no 'signal' that they're gay. On the other hand, have you ever seen a teenage wrestler? Possibly some of the weirdest guys around; they seriously enjoy being trussed up in lycra and groping one another's bits. So much so, in fact, that they'll grope one another in class. Reason why people don't think they're gay? They're comfortable with themselves to the point that they can behave that way.
OP - people are seriously stupid. As other people have said, they really shouldn't be so interested in your sexuality. The best policy is just to treat it like a joke; if your answer to 'so...are you gay?' is the like of, 'what?! No!' then that puts you in an uncomfortable position, and makes them uncomfortable because it's been treated like a serious question and they can't back away from having really, REALLY misinterpreted the situation.
Being able to laugh it off signifies that it's so ridiculous a question it HAS to be a joke, and that you're comfortable with yourself. The best way to get people to stop asking? *Be* comfortable with yourself. If you're asking how to act, then you're obviously not at a point where you can go, 'stuff them, I'm the way I am, tossers'. funny thing is, as soon as you're confident enough to get on with it, people won't question you. :-)
And if it helps - I have a mate who's rather like you in that he's quite quiet, not into sport at all, friends with waaay more girls than guys and isn't interested in girls all that much. How do I know he's not gay? He just... is so comfortable with himself, it's not an issue.
OP - people are seriously stupid. As other people have said, they really shouldn't be so interested in your sexuality. The best policy is just to treat it like a joke; if your answer to 'so...are you gay?' is the like of, 'what?! No!' then that puts you in an uncomfortable position, and makes them uncomfortable because it's been treated like a serious question and they can't back away from having really, REALLY misinterpreted the situation.
Being able to laugh it off signifies that it's so ridiculous a question it HAS to be a joke, and that you're comfortable with yourself. The best way to get people to stop asking? *Be* comfortable with yourself. If you're asking how to act, then you're obviously not at a point where you can go, 'stuff them, I'm the way I am, tossers'. funny thing is, as soon as you're confident enough to get on with it, people won't question you. :-)
And if it helps - I have a mate who's rather like you in that he's quite quiet, not into sport at all, friends with waaay more girls than guys and isn't interested in girls all that much. How do I know he's not gay? He just... is so comfortable with himself, it's not an issue.
sim90
do the masculine stuff (footie, rugby etc.) and get a girlfriend!
Why should he have to change himself because of other people's immaturities? Ok fine if doing such things isn't against his will, but otherwise why would you?
cloudofcalm
To whoever gave him 'advice' about 'acting not gay' - I call bull ****. There are people I know who are gay who give no indication whatsoever of it - they play football, rugby, cricket, are as 'one of the guys' as anyone else, and give no 'signal' that they're gay. On the other hand, have you ever seen a teenage wrestler? Possibly some of the weirdest guys around; they seriously enjoy being trussed up in lycra and groping one another's bits. So much so, in fact, that they'll grope one another in class. Reason why people don't think they're gay? They're comfortable with themselves to the point that they can behave that way.
OP - people are seriously stupid. As other people have said, they really shouldn't be so interested in your sexuality. The best policy is just to treat it like a joke; if your answer to 'so...are you gay?' is the like of, 'what?! No!' then that puts you in an uncomfortable position, and makes them uncomfortable because it's been treated like a serious question and they can't back away from having really, REALLY misinterpreted the situation.
Being able to laugh it off signifies that it's so ridiculous a question it HAS to be a joke, and that you're comfortable with yourself. The best way to get people to stop asking? *Be* comfortable with yourself. If you're asking how to act, then you're obviously not at a point where you can go, 'stuff them, I'm the way I am, tossers'. funny thing is, as soon as you're confident enough to get on with it, people won't question you. :-)
And if it helps - I have a mate who's rather like you in that he's quite quiet, not into sport at all, friends with waaay more girls than guys and isn't interested in girls all that much. How do I know he's not gay? He just... is so comfortable with himself, it's not an issue.
OP - people are seriously stupid. As other people have said, they really shouldn't be so interested in your sexuality. The best policy is just to treat it like a joke; if your answer to 'so...are you gay?' is the like of, 'what?! No!' then that puts you in an uncomfortable position, and makes them uncomfortable because it's been treated like a serious question and they can't back away from having really, REALLY misinterpreted the situation.
Being able to laugh it off signifies that it's so ridiculous a question it HAS to be a joke, and that you're comfortable with yourself. The best way to get people to stop asking? *Be* comfortable with yourself. If you're asking how to act, then you're obviously not at a point where you can go, 'stuff them, I'm the way I am, tossers'. funny thing is, as soon as you're confident enough to get on with it, people won't question you. :-)
And if it helps - I have a mate who's rather like you in that he's quite quiet, not into sport at all, friends with waaay more girls than guys and isn't interested in girls all that much. How do I know he's not gay? He just... is so comfortable with himself, it's not an issue.
Yeah I agree, being comfortable yourself is key in a situation like this, the comments will bounce off you, and in fact as a result the will decrease.
Just kiss the next girl who asks you that or makes some comment about it and then say: "do u still believe im gay?" (in a cool voice)
IMPORTANT NOTE: If its a guy dont try doing that.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If its a guy dont try doing that.
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