The Student Room Group

Feeling guilty about going to Uni

Sorry this is kinda long.

Anyway, last year i wanted to go to University but my mum was diagnosed with Stomach Cancer so I thought my best decision would be to defer while my mum goes through treatment etc.

Since then, I have been working full time in my parent's newsagent (even though i really hate it). Although it has been one of the worst 6 months of my life, I feel that its made me realise how important my family are to me.

So, my mum is feeling guilty about me already taking a year off to look after her and insists that i should go to University this September. I went to an open day on Saturday and I got really excited about going, but a part of me felt really guilty about going to Uni. I feel like I'm leaving my family in the lurch as my Mum's cancer is not curable but is controllable.

I just feel like I'm ditching my parents and my sisters to deal with this, while I'm going off to live this new life. I feel really bad.

Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? or am i just being really pathetic? :rolleyes:
Reply 1
I think your mum really wants you to do this, so don't feel guilty!

You'll still be able to get home if your family need you. Just make sure your tutors know the situation from when you start in September, and keep in close contact.

Maybe if your mum is still well enough, you could invite her to visit you a couple of weeks into term. I'm sure she'd be dead chuffed to see her little girl (because we are always toddlers to our parents) going to uni, and moving onwards and upwards in life :smile:
Your mum's wishes are important and she wants you to go to university, so go!
Reply 3
Hey, this must be so hard for you. But I am sure your mum will want you to get on with your own life and not be held back by her illness. You are both badly affected by guilt at letting the other one down.
Is the university you want to go to near enough for you to be at home if you are needed, say at weekends? And remember, terms are only 9 or 10 weeks at a time, you are not going for ever.
My mum has cancer(which was part of the reason why I dropped out of uni first time...) and should be going through chemotherapy while I go away to uni in September.I feel really guilty about going as I know she could use someone to help around the house but I just think that if I put off going to uni I'll never go then I'll never get anywhere I want to be in life.

If you want to go to uni go,don't let other people stop you.Unfortunately I think you just have to be selfish.
You should go, it's not like you're never going to be able to go home again and your mum seems really supportive and she'll probably feel better about herself if you go, because I doubt she wants to hold you back!
How far away are you going to be going to university?

I think it is important you do the best for yourself as well as your family as you have shown by taking the time out to be with them!
Reply 6
Yeh my mum is really supportive, I just dont wana regret any decisions i make just in case she gets worse. I'm going to Coventry which is about 1 hours drive from where I live.
Reply 7
If you're an hour away then it'll be no problem at all really. You can be back as often as you like and keep in touch by phone.
Reply 8
dont worry ... everything will be Fine !!! just listen to ur mum ..
as evryone said do as your mom wishes, and shell be happy.
and your definately not selfish, infact ur very considerate and you deserve to go to uni.
xx
*hugs*
Reply 10
All typical mothers want what's best for their children and I'm quite certain that your mum would feel guilty herself if she knew that you decided to give up the opportunity to go to university in order to look after her. My mum had terminal cancer and died when I was nearly 16. I remember how guilty I felt about not spending as much time with her as I perhaps should have done, but there's only so much of yourself you can give. It is so difficult to constantly be surrounded by cancer wherever you look and it does start to dictate everyone's lives. If you go to uni you could have a break from it all and start to live your life the way a young person should...in theory this sounds selfish, but it's truly not. It sounds like you've given a lot of support to your mum and the rest of your family over the past year and you deserve a bit of happiness.

If you feel ready to go to uni and confident that you could cope with it then you should definitely go. I think it would only really be a good idea to stay at home if your mum was told that she only had a few months to live, but you say your mum's cancer is controllable so it doesn't sound like you're in that situation yet.

It can be lonely having an ill parent and having no-one to talk to about it so if you ever need a chat then please feel free to pm me. Good luck with everything. :hugs:
You should definitely go uni but perhaps to one close by.
I have a similar problem and dont think moving half way across the country is a good idea. Maybe an hours drive at the most. I think there is a sense of responsibility not guilt, and the luxury of picking up and going wherever isn't there as something serious could happen in the next 3/4 years.
Reply 12
Hey hun. The same thing happened to me this yr. I started uni at cardiff in sept, but my mum got ill again. So i took a leave of absence and came home. Ive now applied to a uni near home so i can come back anytime. I felt awful when reapplying for 2006, but i listened to my mothers side of the argument, and im really happy that im going:smile:
I know its hard, but you have to understand that if your happy, then your mum will be happy:p:
I wish you the best of luck- i really do- just soldier on and enjoy uni- cus im sure your whole family are rooting for you.
Big big hugs xxx
girlpants
Yeh my mum is really supportive, I just dont wana regret any decisions i make just in case she gets worse. I'm going to Coventry which is about 1 hours drive from where I live.


One hour isn't too bad really is it :smile:? I'm living about an hour away from home myself because I know I can back if I need to and if worst comes to worst you can theoretically live at home and still get to Uni if things do deteriorate

x