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lonely obligations of love
Do you ever feel obligated to love and like people? I don’t actually like my family, but I feel obligated to like them because they are my family. And it feels horrible typing that, because it’s a perfectly nice family, there’s nothing wrong with them, and I have friends who have much worse parents then I do, but I just don’t fit in.
It’s the same with friends – I’ve been friends with the same group of people since birth – we get along fine, but I’m not getting anything out of it – it doesn’t move me in anyway or affect my life. I have friends from uni but its all the same. What I mean to say is, some people seem to get ‘something’ out of having friends, they can REALLY look forward to that holiday they’re all going to or whatever, but I just prefer to be on my own. But, when I’m on my own, I become awash with these feelings of obligations of love, and that I want to like them without this feeling of obligation!
I dunno. I can’t really articulate myself.
It’s the same with friends – I’ve been friends with the same group of people since birth – we get along fine, but I’m not getting anything out of it – it doesn’t move me in anyway or affect my life. I have friends from uni but its all the same. What I mean to say is, some people seem to get ‘something’ out of having friends, they can REALLY look forward to that holiday they’re all going to or whatever, but I just prefer to be on my own. But, when I’m on my own, I become awash with these feelings of obligations of love, and that I want to like them without this feeling of obligation!
I dunno. I can’t really articulate myself.
i kinda get what you mean. i dont like to be alone all the time but i enjoy my own company and in the past i have felt ive just been drifting through life. no one really got through to me properly. i have had parent issues tho and i think thats why i have allways found it hard to attatch to someone in a meaningful way. so many people just let you down. ive just found a wonderful boyfriend but it makes me realise even more how have never connected to others.
the obligation thing is wierd too because everyone expects you to love your parents. i know mine love me but i also know that i dont love or trust them in the same way i do my bf. it does make me question wether it would effect me if they wernt there if not then does that mean i dont actually love them at all?
anyway im just trying to say i think i know where you are coming from
anyway im just trying to say i think i know where you are coming from
Anonymous
Do you ever feel obligated to love and like people? I don’t actually like my family, but I feel obligated to like them because they are my family. And it feels horrible typing that, because it’s a perfectly nice family, there’s nothing wrong with them, and I have friends who have much worse parents then I do, but I just don’t fit in.
It’s the same with friends – I’ve been friends with the same group of people since birth – we get along fine, but I’m not getting anything out of it – it doesn’t move me in anyway or affect my life. I have friends from uni but its all the same. What I mean to say is, some people seem to get ‘something’ out of having friends, they can REALLY look forward to that holiday they’re all going to or whatever, but I just prefer to be on my own. But, when I’m on my own, I become awash with these feelings of obligations of love, and that I want to like them without this feeling of obligation!
I dunno. I can’t really articulate myself.
It’s the same with friends – I’ve been friends with the same group of people since birth – we get along fine, but I’m not getting anything out of it – it doesn’t move me in anyway or affect my life. I have friends from uni but its all the same. What I mean to say is, some people seem to get ‘something’ out of having friends, they can REALLY look forward to that holiday they’re all going to or whatever, but I just prefer to be on my own. But, when I’m on my own, I become awash with these feelings of obligations of love, and that I want to like them without this feeling of obligation!
I dunno. I can’t really articulate myself.
No.
No one owes you anything. You don't owe anyone anything either.[/B]
zooropa
No.
No one owes you anything. You don't owe anyone anything either.[/B]
No one owes you anything. You don't owe anyone anything either.[/B]
Whilst that's a good ideal to subscribe to, I think it's unattainable. I don't think you can go through life never experiencing any sort of obligation to something.
zooropa
******** can you!
People are TOO BUSY living their own lives. They can't possibly be expected to have obligations to you.
People are TOO BUSY living their own lives. They can't possibly be expected to have obligations to you.
so you've never felt obligated to buy somebody a birthday present, purely because everyone else does? You've never felt obligated to have to go to some 'event', but felt you had to because it would please certain people? You've never felt obligated to tell someone their in danger? never felt obligated to get out of bed in the morning? to come home at a certain time? To meet someone at a certain place?
the way I saw it, the whole body of human experience is an endless seam of obligations.
zooropa
No, there ARE no obligations!
But that's just it - there ARE obligations. You might not want to have any, but you cannot deny the existence of them. I'm obligated to obey the law, if I don't, my obligation is surrender of my free will, and put away in a jail.
You must have fullfilled obligations at some point in your life, take one of the examples in my other post and tell me you haven't ever felt obligated to do any of them.
are you not obligated to die then?
zooropa
No, there ARE no obligations!
Life is simply about choices and consequences. You live freely but accept the rational consequences of your actions!
That's how all healthy people should live.
Life is simply about choices and consequences. You live freely but accept the rational consequences of your actions!
That's how all healthy people should live.
in a way i see what zooroper means but i dont agree with him. some obligations like phoning your grandparents every now and again or being polite to people dont have serious consequences but they make people feel good and then u usually get things in return. thats why obligations are there. if you ignore them you usually end up worse off i think. i know that could be argued you are just making a decision and then feeling the consequences but thats what obligations are.
Sociopath maybe (some teenagers go through that anyway so could just be a phase)? How do you think you'd feel if all our family died, out of interest? Maybe you just don't think you love them because they're always around.
And yes, life is one huge obligation (although I tend to use the word responsibility instead).
And yes, life is one huge obligation (although I tend to use the word responsibility instead).
puppy
How do you think you'd feel if all our family died, out of interest?
I would grieve out of obligation, then be overwhlemed with a sense of freedom at knowing I was obligated to less things. But then, in the long run I would be unhappy, because I would miss them.
Anonymous
are you not obligated to die then?
People die because their existence is naturally finite.
Obligation denotes a relationship to someone or that someone should donate time and effort to help you. Since people are primarily concerned about living their lives, they shouldn't have any obligations to anyone else.
I can understand this numbness but social obligation also comes from relationships and social constructs in our society - e.g. our parents care for us, with family they are those we can ultimately trust and spend the majority of our time with. During growing up one can question these emotions, and wonder whether they actually have any substance, but human nature and relationships extend beyond rational reasons for liking somebody - do you like somebody because they give you exactly the presents you want? No, you only want them for what they can give you, not their person. The act of giving is a certain part of relationship, although I agree that today's society places obligations upon us, but that does not mean we cannot live in our own minds freely. Freedom of thought in modern society is extremely difficult to achieve - many of us are very desensitised to our own spirituality and our own being, that we can often lose a part of it, and I live my life finding that sense again, even if I cannot fully embrace it.
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