Just a friend, or more?

This is a head versus heart situation I suppose. I'm a 18 year old male...

Background: A couple of years back I started seeing this girl, let's call her Sarah for convenience. We were going out for about a year, and had what I thought was a very strong relationship. We only ever kissed and did 'touching', not sex of any description.

Then I met another girl [Amy, again for convenience], who was basically more 'up for it'. I'd like to say she seduced me and it was all her fault, but basically I was just stupid, and decided to break up with Sarah so I could have a relationship with Amy. The thing with Amy was only a couple of weeks long, we were havin sex but she wasn't a very interested person, if you get me. It wasn't long before I realised that it wasn't what I wanted.

So I broke up with Amy, and explained the situation to Sarah [I realise I still had very deep feelings for her]. I wasn't expecting her to forgive me anytime soon, neither did I think we'd ever get together again. But things 'blew over', and we were friends again.

Now [about a year down the line]: she's probably my best mate. There's nothing that we keep from eachother, and we've admitted on several occasions that we still like eachother as more than friends. I've tried other relationships, and basically they've failed 'cause I'm still 'in love' [inverted commas because I'm still not sure what love means, without going too deep into that] with Sarah. I think she'd had the same experience, though I can't be sure. All I know is she's all I can think about once I get her in my thoughts.

Neither of us ever really got closure, I don't know why. We've tried, God knows we've tried, all those conversations "We had a good thing, it was a great experience but it's in the past." but they never seem to sink in for either of us.

I'm stuck, one half of me wants to get over her [head] but the other half [heart] still yearns for her. I've been trying to decide what I want for more than a year, and 'annoying' dosn't do the feeling justice [and I'm sure it's the same for her].

***

I'm not expecting it to all get better on it's own, I want to do something. But I need help making up my mind, and the rest of my mates are out of ideas. Is there anyone here with a similar situation or past experience?

Reply 1

username47781

Well maybe you two are just meant for each other afterall.

Reply 2

so_this_is_sam

Tricky. OK, sounds like you still like her a lot. It's sometimes hard to know whether you do like her or you think you do because of what you had in the past. If you were to go out again, it would probably be very different, you will both have changed but that could be a good thing. You need to decide with her, what you want to do. If you want to give things another go, then great :-) and best of luck. But if you think it would just ruin a good friendship then stay friends and try to move on. Personally i sometimes think taking a risk is more exciting ...

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I missed out a bit of the 'story' - we've tried getting back together once after the split and it didn't work 'cause we were too much of friends to get serious in a relationship. That was a long time ago though.

What's even more complicated is that she's sort of involved with another guy, but she dosn't know where she stands with him [and it looks like he's messing her around]. She's hinted at 'doing stuff that we missed out on' more recently, but she says she wouldn't wanna do anything while this other guy is involved.

I'd like to take a risk and tell her how I feel all out, but I don't know if it's worth it. We both go away to different Uni's soon and I wouldn't want to leave our relationship while it was on a downer.

Reply 4

Segat1

Just very slowly start to romance her. PM me for ideas :wink:

Reply 5

andy_c

Ask youself this one question: if you don't try, will you regret it for the rest of your life? Will you always wonder, what it would have been like if you tried again, or whether it would've worked? If you answer yes to any of those, then you have to tell her and try again... you have to take the risk. You don't want to spend the rest of you life wishing that you did.

Be completely honest with her, tell her how you feel and ask her what she wants.

If you don't do it now, then who knows if you'll ever get another chance... she'll meet loads of new guys at uni, so now's the time.