Head Boy Speech : Opinions please! Watch

Shahrukh9000
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Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great. The blue speech is my updated, edited version. To save yourself time you could just read that version.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."


EDIT: I have edited my speech to the following. Please everyone read over this new version and let me know if it's any better. (I don't see how it can be worse haha)


Hi everyone, my name is ******.
I’m applying for head boy for three main reasons. Number one is that I appreciate how much this school has done for me and genuinely want to give something back, secondly I want to have a positive impact on St Joseph’s and leave next year knowing I did something worthwhile for the school. The last reason I’m applying for Head Boy is that my sister said she would give me a fiver if I made a speech. So wherever you are sister, you owe me a fiver! (Sister will be in audience by the way)

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is, many pupils have told to me that the pupil council could be better. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what we say doesn’t matter as much as it should. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this and make the council more about making our opinions and thoughts matter.

2) A lot of people have told me that there isn’t much to during lunch, apart from going to one of the shops like “D’s” or “Heathers”. Pupils have told me it would be good if there were more clubs, tournaments or competitions during lunch. If that’s the case then I would definitely try and get some more of these things up and running. These could be lunchtime sports clubs like basketball or badminton or even groups like a debating group or a gaming group. Just chatting during lunch is cool but it would be nice to have other options.

3) If there is enough interest, we could even have tournaments as well the new clubs which would be on offer. For example a Euro 2012 themed football tournament, or badminton, basketball, dodgeball, competitions. We could have art competitions or photography contests. If there is enough interest in any activity I would love to organise these for you.

4) Coming back to the gaming group, we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

Apart from what I’ve said, if any of you have any concerns or problems then I will be here for you. I’m quite approachable and would be happy to hear about anything that’s bothering you or any ideas or concerns you may have. If you don’t want to talk to me personally for whatever reason then I could set up some sort of communication system. The point is that I will be here for you.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm and hopefully I will earn your trust in time.
I have the willingness and desire to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet hopefully still have a good sense of humour. Vote for me if you want your voice to be heard, your ideas to be considered and your experience in your next year at school to be the best it can be. Thanks for listening everyone.

Last edited by Shahrukh9000; 29 Minutes Ago at 19:10.
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sophie5
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(Original post by Shahrukh9000)
Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."
Hi, my sister recently gained the position of head girl at my school, and one of the things that made her gain the majority vote was her complete passion and dedication that she radiated when discussing her possibility of being head girl. I don't know how the system works at your school, but one of the things my sister wrote in her letter (I know yours is slightly different as a speech) not only her hopes for the school but also what she has done for the school and the outcome. As i said i dont know how your college/ school works but one thing i would add is what you have done for your school. Also my sisters confidence and speech abilities also played a vital role in gaining the part, however from the jokes in your speech it seems like you too portray confidence.
Most importantly be yourself and best of luck! I hope I have helped
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username779585
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(Original post by Shahrukh9000)
Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.


Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."
Cut all of what I've highlighted. The rest is ok, but I wouldn't vote for you based on how pretentious the first two paragraphs are. I know you're probably a decent guy, but you come across poorly in these.
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Hype en Ecosse
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You're running for head boy, not for president of the United States. The metaphorical usage is way over the top and makes you look a bit conceited. Focus less on the spin and just get to the point of why you're awesome.

"If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground" LOL
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writergirl
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(Original post by sophie5)
Hi, my sister recently gained the position of head girl at my school, and one of the things that made her gain the majority vote was her complete passion and dedication that she radiated when discussing her possibility of being head girl. I don't know how the system works at your school, but one of the things my sister wrote in her letter (I know yours is slightly different as a speech) not only her hopes for the school but also what she has done for the school and the outcome. As i said i dont know how your college/ school works but one thing i would add is what you have done for your school. Also my sisters confidence and speech abilities also played a vital role in gaining the part, however from the jokes in your speech it seems like you too portray confidence.
Most importantly be yourself and best of luck! I hope I have helped
I was on the head girl team for my Secondary school and I'd agree with this too Enthusiasm, passion, genuineness, and dedication. However at the end of the day, your actions will speak louder than words, but for now it is the words that will determine your potential future actions. Best of luck OP! Just be you, and be honest.
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Kalliope
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(Original post by Shahrukh9000)
Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."
I'm certain I've read the bits in bold previously online in Head Boy/Girl speeches. It might be a fluke or that it was your speech posted before, but just as heads up, it's obvious enough to be a risk.
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geetar
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Get rid of the tree analogy.
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Mr Einstein
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Cut the pretentious bull.

Other than that I have no advice, as I fail to fathom why anyone would want to be head boy, apart from maybe to stop some **** being it.


EDIT: I actually thought the tree analogy was pretty good, although you should refer to it as **** not manure.

Also maybe say something like, remember next year after those end of year pranks, I will be the ONLY thing standing between, you....and the teachers/*****/bloody bureaucracy
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rugbyladosc
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Say you will sort the toilet paper situation out. you would get my vote. We have all been there...
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Aesc
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Why would you describe yourself as manure? That's just asking for a smear campaign...
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Mess.
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This sounds like an absolute disaster, surely the other pupils mercilessly mock the people who get up and deliver such horrifically Americanised speeches?
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ummm
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Cut the whole tree analogy - it just sounds weird, and people will probably just look at each other like wtf. At my school, who gets selected is more of a popularity contest to be honest! I'd try to come across genuine, and like you did, include all the stuff you're going to try and change and stuff. Cut the cheesy stuff though!
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IamBeowulf
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(Original post by Shahrukh9000)
Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."
TBH your speech doesn't have to be that good, you just need a lot of friends/people to vote for you
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User570431
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(Original post by Shahrukh9000)
Ok so I have to make a presentation in front of the pupils and teachers on why I should be head boy. Apologies for the long post but please let me know what you think. Opinions on the metaphors and images would be great.

"Hi everyone my name is ******. So I’ve been given three minutes to tell you why you should vote for me to be your Head boy. I could promise you a bunch of really awesome things, like a lot candidates would, but you’re too smart for that. So I’ll tell you the truth and what I think I can realistically do for this school and for all of you.
A poet named Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”. With this Head Boy election here at St. Joseph’s, we also have an opportunity to make our days better.

I believe our college is like a tree; we are all different parts of this tree, for example – The teachers are like the roots, which supplement us with knowledge and help us to grow. If I was Head Boy, I would be like the manure which the gardener spreads to enrich the ground, just that little added extra which can make a big difference.

Some of the things I’ve thought about for the school are:

1) I want the students to have a voice in St Joseph’s. For that we have a pupil council. The thing is though, the pupil council is absolutely useless. I’m not just saying that for no reason. I was a member of the council until my 5th year and I’m sure some of you will agree with me when I say that while we talked and discussed and acted as if we had a say, it was really the teachers that ran the show. A lot of important decisions have been made in the school by the teachers and though the pupil council is called to meet and discuss these decisions, what they, what we say doesn’t really matter that much. Even if we were to show our complete disagreement, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not just making this up by the way, this is the case. If you vote for me as Head Boy, I will do my best to change this.

2) I want St. Joseph’s to offer more clubs, tournaments and competitions. These can be sport and non-sport. For example, in terms of tournaments we could have badminton, basketball and obviously football – maybe themed on the Euro 2012 tournament this year. In terms of non-sporty things, we could have monthly art and photography contests; we could form a group of people who know a lot about computers and gaming to maybe become a gaming group which could even develop some small, free computer games for the school.

3) If I am Head Boy, I also promise to do my best to form a prom committee, with people from 5th and 6th year, to organise a brilliant prom for you all. Next years prom might not be on your minds right now, especially for all the 5th years, but in a few months you’ll start thinking about it and it’ll become much more important.

I realise that, being Head Boy isn’t about being better than anyone else. It’s about having the trust of the student body to organise and represent them with honesty and enthusiasm, whenever called upon.
I have the compassion to listen, the ability to always work hard, yet have a good sense of humour.
So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills!

Our days might not be longer but they can sure be better."
Basically by saying that, you are saying that you are poo. Not a good impression.
And the good looks thing, you can remove that as well, everyone hates arrogant people.
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Shahrukh9000
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Ok thanks I'll take that on board
And yeah, manure
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Shahrukh9000
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(Original post by CJM13)
Cut all of what I've highlighted. The rest is ok, but I wouldn't vote for you based on how pretentious the first two paragraphs are. I know you're probably a decent guy, but you come across poorly in these.
Could you please explain why the first paragraph makes me seem pretentious? I just thought it would serve as a good intro and make seen genuine and honest. Also by cutting out the Henry David Thoreau quote at the beginning I would probably have to remove the end line which links to the quote?

Also based on the negative reception on the tree analogy i think i'll cut it out. I was thinking that the image would make me stand out and I would deliver it humorously which would make seem likable? However I'd rather not be branded as poo so I'll get rid of it

Also the good looks thing: So don’t vote for me just because of my good looks and charming demeanour, although you might be tempted to do that. Vote for me because you have excellent taste and superb decision making skills! I also thought that would be funny and garn a few chuckles. Obviously i would say it sarcastically, what do you all think?
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NeonIndian
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I agree with Hype, it might sound clever on paper, but personally I'd be cringing listening to that manure analogy! Mellow the political language a bit, but otherwise good!
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Shahrukh9000
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(Original post by NeonIndian)
I agree with Hype, it might sound clever on paper, but personally I'd be cringing listening to that manure analogy! Mellow the political language a bit, but otherwise good!
Ok point taken :P

Also what do you think of the first paragraph? Some people have told me it makes me sound pretentious or cocky. Does it?
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audi_turbo
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I've heard plenty of these speeches before... the ones which people vote for are memorable and funny, because everybody knows that the head boy has little/no say to be honest.
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Shahrukh9000
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And is my speech memorable/funny enough? If not, any ideas to make it more memorable/funny?
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