help (from people in long term relationships only)

hi, i have been going out with my partner for a while now and its quite serious however there is a problem. They have felt down (they have depression) and "tired" for a couple of months and sex has dried up, i know that they havn't "gone off" me but they have just totaly gone off sex (with anybody). I have waited a long time for the "problem" to be fixed but whenever i try to ask what it is or how we should solve it, it always seems to end in an argument does anybody have any suggestions as to what i should do.

Reply 1

Little Girl Red

Firstly, are you a girl or a guy? If you are a guy and your partner is on the Pill, that could be a cause of the problem. The Pill has dramatically lowered my sex drive recently although it is just starting to come back. Otherwise, it could just be general hormones and things like that (for a girl or a guy!)

My suggestion to you is this: instead of talking about how the "problem" can be fixed, instead just make sure that you are there for them. Hold them, cuddle, watch TV etc, but don't make a move. I'm sure your partner will appreciate this as having to turn down someone that you care about is never nice. Go out on dates, get to know them even better, help them to have fun, and don't pressurize them. Compliment them, have a good time, and hopefully a new and optimistic outlook will come back. Then ease in to it gradually, a bit of foreplay one time, a bit more the next, etc etc....

Maybe at around this time, you could introduce something which you know is a big turn on for you partner.... and hopefully they will leap on you and you will have amazingly passionate sex!!!

Don't rush them and make them feel special again. Hope that helps. :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

we have seen each other for a long time and i don't really think i can get to know her better ( i know thats never true but i mean we arnt at the start of a relationship) also she doesn't use the pill but thanks for your help it was just because i have waited a couple of months and things don't seem to be changing i think the real reason for the post was to kinda get it off my chest and to know what other people would do

Reply 3

warranty-ideal

Can you get them to talk about what is making them depressed?

Reply 4

lovelee-jublee

Things got like this with me and my boyfriend, and he got quite hacked off with me and we'd argue all the time, but just give it time. It took us nearly 6 months to get back to normal, but we were determined to make it work and kept trying. We still have arguments now, but we can just brush them off and get back to normal.

Reply 5

Monkey_Maiden

Hi I was depressed for a few months with my bf and I got angry and upset easily if he nagged at me, not saying you nag at her but like others have said, just try to be there for her for hugs, kisses etc and maybe eventually she will open up to you and things might go back to normal, It might take a while though as depression is pretty serious. I had the opp effect though, my sex drive soared :frown: