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lumpycustard
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#1
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
And i have one to start with!

The Old Couple at McDonaldsA little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.

"Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered...
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"The teeth".
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suz19
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Ewww- that's gross!!!
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lumpycustard
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#3
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(Original post by suz19)
Ewww- that's gross!!!
lol, ah well.
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Amb1
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#4
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A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet shop. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and eats the cue-ball.

The bartender said "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUT NOW!!" the man left.

Two months later the same man came back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his bum, pulls it out then eats it"

The bartender said " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his bum then eat it?"

The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"!!
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suz19
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change
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lumpycustard
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#6
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(Original post by Amb1)
The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"!!
eeeeeew
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Amb1
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#7
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#7
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2 - but how did they get in there?!
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lumpycustard
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#8
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(Original post by Amb1)
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2 - but how did they get in there?!
*rubs eyes* ouch ur avator!!! lol
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josephwwz
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#9
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#9
HA HA HA HA, good joke
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suz19
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#10
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#10
I've got a really funny President Bush photo- how do you post a pic??
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suz19
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#11
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Oh, think I've figured it out- apologies if it comes out huge!!
Attached files
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Nicci_babe
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#12
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#12
Just Keep Drinking!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, “Quick pour me twelve drinks.”
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, “Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.”

The guys says, “Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got.”

The bartender says, “What've you got?”

The guy says, “75 cents.”
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....
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#13
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Ah dyslexic jokes always classics!

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic? He choked to death on his own vimto.

Or the dyslexic who went to a toga party? He went dressed as a goat.

Or the dyslexic devil worshipper who pledged his soul to Santa.

And the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.

Ahhh haha
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Amb1
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(Original post by Gimp)
Ah dyslexic jokes always classics!

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic? He choked to death on his own vimto.

Or the dyslexic who went to a toga party? He went dressed as a goat.

Or the dyslexic devil worshipper who pledged his soul to Santa.

And the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.

Ahhh haha
...and the dyslexic raver? He took F.
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Amb1
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#15
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#15
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexics Association
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happysunshine
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#16
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#16
Two sharks who were sick of eating tuna and said: 'Let's go to Morecambe for a Chinese.'
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Eru Iluvatar
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#17
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#17
(Original post by happysunshine)
Two sharks who were sick of eating tuna and said: 'Let's go to Morecambe for a Chinese.'
Thats rather distasteful
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happysunshine
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Iluvatar)
Thats rather distasteful
But funny.
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Eru Iluvatar
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#19
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#19
(Original post by happysunshine)
But funny.
So people dying is funny now?
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happysunshine
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Iluvatar)
So people dying is funny now?
Oh lighten up and get a sense of humour.
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