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Women.............
I was sick of posting on this other thread called "What do women really look for" thread, so I'm starting a new post
This question is to all you women:
You always keep saying that you're attracted to "nice, sweet guys" who are "down to earth, loyal and stable", who "buy you gifts and flowers and take you out to dinner"...
But when SUCH a guy DOES come into your life, you reject him, or use him for free food and entertainment... and end up going out with or having sex with a "jerk" type guy you so seem to "hate"
Why is this so? Dont tell me this doesnt happen, or I'm hallucinating, coz I've seen it happen many times right before my eyes...
This question is to all you women:
You always keep saying that you're attracted to "nice, sweet guys" who are "down to earth, loyal and stable", who "buy you gifts and flowers and take you out to dinner"...
But when SUCH a guy DOES come into your life, you reject him, or use him for free food and entertainment... and end up going out with or having sex with a "jerk" type guy you so seem to "hate"
Why is this so? Dont tell me this doesnt happen, or I'm hallucinating, coz I've seen it happen many times right before my eyes...
Scroll to see replies
allready answered on the other thread.
ps my bf is def more in the down to earth loyal and stable catergory. i will never understand women who go for the "alpha male".
ps my bf is def more in the down to earth loyal and stable catergory. i will never understand women who go for the "alpha male".
It does happen, yeah. But it's not true of all women. I think it's because everyone enjoys a challenge; if as a guy you give a woman all she wants she has nothing to work for, whereas someone who treats her less well, isn't all over her, doesn't give her undue amounts of attention, is slightly arrogant, presents more of a problem. In the latter case she has to work, she might think she can change the guy's ways, she wonders why he isn't giving her his time etc.
This whole principle might be frustrating at times, but it also gives pointers - ie. don't be ridiculously "nice" to a girl from the word go. Be friendly, but don't put yourself totally on the line. To be honest it's the same for me, unless a girl is utterly wonderful in every way, I don't like it if she's too forward or clingy. It's strange how these things work, but it's about learning to play the game as it is I suppose.
This whole principle might be frustrating at times, but it also gives pointers - ie. don't be ridiculously "nice" to a girl from the word go. Be friendly, but don't put yourself totally on the line. To be honest it's the same for me, unless a girl is utterly wonderful in every way, I don't like it if she's too forward or clingy. It's strange how these things work, but it's about learning to play the game as it is I suppose.
anjurdsg
You always keep saying that you're attracted to "nice, sweet guys" who are "down to earth, loyal and stable", who "buy you gifts and flowers and take you out to dinner"...
Okay, first of all, we never always keep saying that stuff. Maybe people may say that when they had never before had a relationship with a guy and just want it to be "nice".
Secondly, I suspect it's my personality anyway, but I would myself simply get bored of that kind of relationship after a while. Sometimes you need that spark and passion to get the relationship going. If all a guy does is buy presents (amongst others), it might just simply mean that this guy has a lot of money and merely buys me objects. I know they always say that a diamond is a girl's best friend. I'm so thankful that it doesn't apply to me.
Okay, maybe the aspect I've talked above is quite harsh. But a guy who is a really good friend of mine asked me out - he was also really sweet and nice and all the stuff you mentioned above - but he just wasn't my type!
Also, at first the girl usually wants to be in control of the relationship. The qualities listed by you suggest a really passive guy who'd rather be led by a girl than sometimes lead himself. At some point, however, the girl wants to be controlled by the guy! They want to be in control, but simultaneously want to be secure. Don't ask why, it's in our genes.
But when SUCH a guy DOES come into your life, you reject him, or use him for free food and entertainment...
I know this has happened right before my eyes as well - it's just me who's never done that. Again, in that aspect I differ from many girls just using guys to get what they want - so I'm sorry I can't help you with that. I'm afraid that is part of the greed as existent in every human.
Hope I could give you some understanding of the complex (
) mind of girls. Sorry I couldn't be of much more help, but the main thing you've got to remember (I think) is that you should be that sort of person, but should really provide strength to make the girl feel secure! K, I'm not a psychologist but I think that's the thing behind it.Anyways, good luck with your future relationships...
The Crow
lol honestly i go out with guys who *sem* nice. nxt thing u know you stood up, or they dont bother so much or they dump u cos ur too horny 
LMFAO thats THE best excuse iv ever heard in my ENTIRE life?!?!?!?!?!?!
LMFAO thats THE best excuse iv ever heard in my ENTIRE life?!?!?!?!?!?!legend!! that really is the best excuse ever XD
tbh tho i get bored very quickly if a guy just rolls over and gives me what i want when i want it. there has to be *some* power play. things should be equal not me walking over someone. this is where "nice" guys go wrong. if i can treat him like furniture and get away with it then he isnt for me. not that "i want a guy who will wear the trousers in the relationship" or nething like that, but he has to have a spine.
It’s quite simple really ( look at me talking as if I’m a psychologist
).
There are certain people in this world with low self-esteem. For some odd reason, when someone treats them kindly, they turn ugly…back stabbing the person. But if you treat them badly, they seem to be grateful
I think subconsciously they feel they deserve bad treatment - could have something to do with their childhood, but I'm not sure.There’s probably a name for them…ummm masochists?? Or maybe they have a inferiority complex - is that the same thing?
either way, I doubt there’s much you can do. How do you give someone self-esteem and convince then they deserve to be treated fairly?
Simply because it's often not exciting enough being with a "nice,stable guy". Harsh, but true, they're often better as friends. What you need with someone is chemistry, and that often doesn't happen if a guy won't challenge you and will worship the ground you walk on from the beggining.
On the other hand, most women I know wouldn't go for "jerks" who treat them really badly, never call, aren't affectionate enough etc. That kind of relationship will never work either, even if it is exciting in the beggining. What women really want is someone who is generally nice to them, does buy them flowers and dinner etc, but also is able to challenge them if they don't agree with what they do and who are confident in themselves, although arrogant is a little too far. I read somewhere that apparently us women want a "sensitive jerk", if that makes sense. You have to be somewhere in the middle if the extremes of being Mr.Nice Guy and a complete bastard.
Saying that, there are plenty of girls who love nice guys, and plenty of others who are just attracted to jerks, your statements don't really apply to the whole female population.
On the other hand, most women I know wouldn't go for "jerks" who treat them really badly, never call, aren't affectionate enough etc. That kind of relationship will never work either, even if it is exciting in the beggining. What women really want is someone who is generally nice to them, does buy them flowers and dinner etc, but also is able to challenge them if they don't agree with what they do and who are confident in themselves, although arrogant is a little too far. I read somewhere that apparently us women want a "sensitive jerk", if that makes sense. You have to be somewhere in the middle if the extremes of being Mr.Nice Guy and a complete bastard.
Saying that, there are plenty of girls who love nice guys, and plenty of others who are just attracted to jerks, your statements don't really apply to the whole female population.
i honestly honestly do like the nice sweet guys. my boyfriend is lovely and treats me like a little princess, i would never hurt him, i reli aprreciate guys like him. the alpha male doesnt reli do nething for me.....if im gonna get messed around, why bother?
and u r anon because...??
nice post tho
nice post tho
Anonymous
if a guy won't challenge you and will worship the ground you walk on from the beggining.
what's wrong with that? 
You made a very good point, which I left out of my post. There’s a difference between “nice” and "totally submissive with no personality". I don’t want him to be scared of me
that’s hardly masculine…but neither is shouting at me 
When guys are really really nice it is offputting. I think it's cos I feel they're not being honest and are just showing me one side of them. I'd rather someone mess me about a bit and make me work for it cos then at least I'd see all sides of their personality and if I still like them after this I know they're a keeper.
I dont see that myself, I have certainly never gone for bad guys, always for the sweet ones you describe. Just sometimes guys can be sweet and buy u stuff wanting you, when you arn't attracted to them. The bad guys never seem to be unnatractive physically, the good guys mostly do...but there are a few that have everythin I would look for. Nice sweet guys all the way...but not too girly of course, gota feel protected and all that stuff lol
anjurdsg
I was sick of posting on this other thread called "What do women really look for" thread, so I'm starting a new post
This question is to all you women:
You always keep saying that you're attracted to "nice, sweet guys" who are "down to earth, loyal and stable", who "buy you gifts and flowers and take you out to dinner"...
But when SUCH a guy DOES come into your life, you reject him, or use him for free food and entertainment... and end up going out with or having sex with a "jerk" type guy you so seem to "hate"
Why is this so? Dont tell me this doesnt happen, or I'm hallucinating, coz I've seen it happen many times right before my eyes...
This question is to all you women:
You always keep saying that you're attracted to "nice, sweet guys" who are "down to earth, loyal and stable", who "buy you gifts and flowers and take you out to dinner"...
But when SUCH a guy DOES come into your life, you reject him, or use him for free food and entertainment... and end up going out with or having sex with a "jerk" type guy you so seem to "hate"
Why is this so? Dont tell me this doesnt happen, or I'm hallucinating, coz I've seen it happen many times right before my eyes...
You're generalising way too much here. Just because you've "seen it" doesn't mean that EVERY f'ing girl in the world does this...Meh.
Mate, you've hit the nail right on the head; if there's ever been a topic to pull on the heartstrings of yours truly, this is most certainly it. And it's a wealth of experience that I speak from.
This is going to seem rather self-indulgent, but what gives? Put simply; I'm a nice guy. I don't do or say nasty, hurtful things to people who haven't done anything to me, and do not rush immediately to do so to those that do. I like to put the feelings of others before my own, and care genuinely about others. But perhaps what I say should be put into some logical context: I want more than anything, ultimately, a girlfriend with whom to share love and good times; someone to shower with love and affection; someone to care for; someone to snuggle up to at the end of the day. While I won't pretend that looks don't come into the equation at all, I will say outright that I am proud to be unshallow, and see looks as being of only secondary importance; personality is by far the most important factor, when it comes to potential partners. While sex would be nice, it is something I'd be prepared to wait for in a relationship, and something which, ultimately, could never bring me as much happiness as love and affection.
Surely all this is fairly admirable, for a young guy? I'd say so. What's more: as would most women. Let's face it: women like nice guys; but not romantically. Ask any woman what she wants in a man (removing looks from the equation for a minute); what she'll say will be something along the lines of "Kind, caring, affectionate, romantic, honest, faithful and loving". Whenever I hear women describing their perfect partner, I think of me, because, in all honesty, I can say that I'd treat a girlfriend in the way in which women claim they want a partner to treat them. But what, then, happens when a woman's actually faced with the possibility of a relationship with such a guy? I'll tell you: she finds a reason not to become involved with whom. It happens all the time; women say they want this loving, caring guy, yet, when faced with whom, refuse totally to become romantically involved. Women will turn down a nice guy, only to soon after get into a relationship with a guy who (shock, shock, horror, horror) turns out to be a complete ******, causing them much in the way of hurt; it's happened to me, it's happened to nice friends of mine and it's happened to nice guys I know of.
So many women seem to end up getting hurt by relationships, yet never seem to learn by their mistakes; time and time and time again, women will reject a nice guy with whom they've established a warm friendship, in favour of some new dick on the block who provides them with excitement and a sense of mystery; regardless of how much of an arsehole he inevitably seems to be. To be nice to women is to be awarded with a one-way ticket to the dreaded 'Just friends' zone. Whenever I used to hear about women who had been mistreated by their boyfriends, I'd feel a great level of sympathy; but not-so any more. It's not that I like to hear about women getting cheated on, abused and beaten; only that it seems, to me, that, nine times out of ten, such women's careless choice of boyfriend made them their own worst enemies. Such women will repeatedly enter relationships with guys who practically stand out as thugs, before crying that "all men are bastards" to their girlfriends and nice male friends, alike, not once stopping to reflect on their own careless behaviour in rejecting genuinely nice guys in favour of such thugs. What can you do if a woman's seemingly hellbent on keeping all nice men she knows as "just friends", while, at the very least, rushing into relationships with guys whose motives and true nature certainly haven't been ascertained? Not a lot, I say.
If women would rather risk hurt through involvement with thuggish, uncaring morons, than give a nice guy whose proved a great friend to her a chance (don't even get me started on the "I wouldn't want to risk the friendship" line....) to be something more to her, then I say they deserve no sympathy. It can't be nice to be hurt repeatedly by men; but then, it's not exactly a barrel-of-laughs to be a nice, caring guy, who's forever single, either.
And, yeah, this is isn't true for all women, but I'd say that, in a good 75% of cases, it is. Of course, few if any women will admit to this, but that means very little, in the face of substantial evidence to the contrary.
This is going to seem rather self-indulgent, but what gives? Put simply; I'm a nice guy. I don't do or say nasty, hurtful things to people who haven't done anything to me, and do not rush immediately to do so to those that do. I like to put the feelings of others before my own, and care genuinely about others. But perhaps what I say should be put into some logical context: I want more than anything, ultimately, a girlfriend with whom to share love and good times; someone to shower with love and affection; someone to care for; someone to snuggle up to at the end of the day. While I won't pretend that looks don't come into the equation at all, I will say outright that I am proud to be unshallow, and see looks as being of only secondary importance; personality is by far the most important factor, when it comes to potential partners. While sex would be nice, it is something I'd be prepared to wait for in a relationship, and something which, ultimately, could never bring me as much happiness as love and affection.
Surely all this is fairly admirable, for a young guy? I'd say so. What's more: as would most women. Let's face it: women like nice guys; but not romantically. Ask any woman what she wants in a man (removing looks from the equation for a minute); what she'll say will be something along the lines of "Kind, caring, affectionate, romantic, honest, faithful and loving". Whenever I hear women describing their perfect partner, I think of me, because, in all honesty, I can say that I'd treat a girlfriend in the way in which women claim they want a partner to treat them. But what, then, happens when a woman's actually faced with the possibility of a relationship with such a guy? I'll tell you: she finds a reason not to become involved with whom. It happens all the time; women say they want this loving, caring guy, yet, when faced with whom, refuse totally to become romantically involved. Women will turn down a nice guy, only to soon after get into a relationship with a guy who (shock, shock, horror, horror) turns out to be a complete ******, causing them much in the way of hurt; it's happened to me, it's happened to nice friends of mine and it's happened to nice guys I know of.
So many women seem to end up getting hurt by relationships, yet never seem to learn by their mistakes; time and time and time again, women will reject a nice guy with whom they've established a warm friendship, in favour of some new dick on the block who provides them with excitement and a sense of mystery; regardless of how much of an arsehole he inevitably seems to be. To be nice to women is to be awarded with a one-way ticket to the dreaded 'Just friends' zone. Whenever I used to hear about women who had been mistreated by their boyfriends, I'd feel a great level of sympathy; but not-so any more. It's not that I like to hear about women getting cheated on, abused and beaten; only that it seems, to me, that, nine times out of ten, such women's careless choice of boyfriend made them their own worst enemies. Such women will repeatedly enter relationships with guys who practically stand out as thugs, before crying that "all men are bastards" to their girlfriends and nice male friends, alike, not once stopping to reflect on their own careless behaviour in rejecting genuinely nice guys in favour of such thugs. What can you do if a woman's seemingly hellbent on keeping all nice men she knows as "just friends", while, at the very least, rushing into relationships with guys whose motives and true nature certainly haven't been ascertained? Not a lot, I say.
If women would rather risk hurt through involvement with thuggish, uncaring morons, than give a nice guy whose proved a great friend to her a chance (don't even get me started on the "I wouldn't want to risk the friendship" line....) to be something more to her, then I say they deserve no sympathy. It can't be nice to be hurt repeatedly by men; but then, it's not exactly a barrel-of-laughs to be a nice, caring guy, who's forever single, either.
And, yeah, this is isn't true for all women, but I'd say that, in a good 75% of cases, it is. Of course, few if any women will admit to this, but that means very little, in the face of substantial evidence to the contrary.
helpful and caring guys are usually my 1st option
squirly
When guys are really really nice it is offputting. I think it's cos I feel they're not being honest and are just showing me one side of them. I'd rather someone mess me about a bit and make me work for it cos then at least I'd see all sides of their personality and if I still like them after this I know they're a keeper.
Offputting? Yeah, because being really, really nice is such a terribly, unmanly trait to have, isn't it? In fact, it must surely be a facade, because, of course, guys just can't ever be really, really nice, can they? Jesus Christ, it's hard to respect women with such stupid views.....
englishstudent
It does happen, yeah. But it's not true of all women. I think it's because everyone enjoys a challenge; if as a guy you give a woman all she wants she has nothing to work for, whereas someone who treats her less well, isn't all over her, doesn't give her undue amounts of attention, is slightly arrogant, presents more of a problem. In the latter case she has to work, she might think she can change the guy's ways, she wonders why he isn't giving her his time etc.
This whole principle might be frustrating at times, but it also gives pointers - ie. don't be ridiculously "nice" to a girl from the word go. Be friendly, but don't put yourself totally on the line. To be honest it's the same for me, unless a girl is utterly wonderful in every way, I don't like it if she's too forward or clingy. It's strange how these things work, but it's about learning to play the game as it is I suppose.
This whole principle might be frustrating at times, but it also gives pointers - ie. don't be ridiculously "nice" to a girl from the word go. Be friendly, but don't put yourself totally on the line. To be honest it's the same for me, unless a girl is utterly wonderful in every way, I don't like it if she's too forward or clingy. It's strange how these things work, but it's about learning to play the game as it is I suppose.
Completely accurate; and it illustrates as to just how stupid women can be.
high_priestess_fnord
legend!! that really is the best excuse ever XD
tbh tho i get bored very quickly if a guy just rolls over and gives me what i want when i want it. there has to be *some* power play. things should be equal not me walking over someone. this is where "nice" guys go wrong. if i can treat him like furniture and get away with it then he isnt for me. not that "i want a guy who will wear the trousers in the relationship" or nething like that, but he has to have a spine.
tbh tho i get bored very quickly if a guy just rolls over and gives me what i want when i want it. there has to be *some* power play. things should be equal not me walking over someone. this is where "nice" guys go wrong. if i can treat him like furniture and get away with it then he isnt for me. not that "i want a guy who will wear the trousers in the relationship" or nething like that, but he has to have a spine.
Screams of manipulation and 'tests'; if you want something, it makes no sense to say that you don't like it when a guy gives it to you. Why do you try to get what you don't want a guy to give you? What you're saying is that you test the waters, to see how much a guy will give: ma-ni-pu-la-tion.
Anonymous
What women really want is someone who is generally nice to them, does buy them flowers and dinner etc
Yes; such is the materialistic nature of many women's minds.
Anonymous
but also is able to challenge them if they don't agree with what they do and who are confident in themselves, although arrogant is a little too far. I read somewhere that apparently us women want a "sensitive jerk", if that makes sense. You have to be somewhere in the middle if the extremes of being Mr.Nice Guy and a complete bastard.
But why? Why does it have to be a challenge? Why can't women just desire a nice guy who treats them well, with whom they can share a good conversation? Maybe someone who can make them laugh, too? Whatever, but this whole 'desiring a challenge' malarkey only lowers my opinion of women; it seems so irrational. Fair enough: women want a man to be a man. I mean, I stand up for myself, can be quite outspoken, lift weights occasionally, have self-esteem to my name, for example; yeah, women are going to want masculinity, and a reasonably strong character. But surely such a guy can still treat a woman really well, be faithful etc? Whenever I hear arguments to the contrary of what I feel, on this matter, they always seem to suggest that all nice guys are also complete and utter doormats/wimps; I just don't see it. I sometimes think that women can't cope without strife in their lives; complicated relationships are what they seem to desire. Probably because it gives them something to moan about, which, let's face it, women love.
Firebird
Just because a guy is nice to you doesn't mean you're going to fancy him. If a girl doesn't think you're good looking, chances are she won't want to date you.
Missing the point, arguably; OK, so some nice guys may be particularly unfortunate, in the looks department, and, in such cases, it is understandable if women don't find their nice personalities enough. Fact is, though, what is being said is observed with nice guys, regardless of their looks.
morningtheft
Thanks, but I've been there; however, I'm not too inclined to read much into articles on a site by the name of 'Heartless Bitches'; the name says it all, really. Articles such as these use illogic to try to excuse irrational female behaviour; in this case, arguing that all seemingly nice guys are either terribly insecure, terribly whiney or only acting nice. OK, so it may be true in a few cases, but isn't in all of them, and is a poor explanation as to the 'plight of the nice guy'.
At any rate: even the picture they paint of nice guys seems preferable to the 'bad boy', in my eyes; women being women, however, they don't think so.
same way guys go for heartless girls because they're pretty
girls like to think they've done well for themselves too so a bit of a challange is appealing, when the attention of a guy like that is on you it's an amazing feeling makes you feel special but its too much heartache to carry on with
maybe once your into a relationship the nice guy thing is totally attractive but if he starts off like that, and you don't know each other to the extent where his devotion is justified, then you think that its not because of you and it doesn't make you feel special like it should.
girls like to think they've done well for themselves too so a bit of a challange is appealing, when the attention of a guy like that is on you it's an amazing feeling makes you feel special but its too much heartache to carry on with
maybe once your into a relationship the nice guy thing is totally attractive but if he starts off like that, and you don't know each other to the extent where his devotion is justified, then you think that its not because of you and it doesn't make you feel special like it should.
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