How do you break up with "friends"?

How do you deal with "friends" that you're going to break up with? Taking into account that these "friends" have frequently backstabbed you, don't listen or respect you and have never been there to support you like you have for them. And how successful, painful/painless was it, plus how did it go?

You see, I've tried to do this by not speaking to them and going round with them, hoping that they'd get the hint. But that's been happening for just over a month now, regrettably so as I forgot that subtlty is lost on them and thinking about someone other than themselves is a no-go zone for them. Instead they're still giving me grief, prejudicing what's actually going on with me instead of being there for me or agreeing to listen to me to talk things over, and they're making life more difficult than it should be. There's no doubt in my mind about going ahead breaking up with them, it's just I was wondering how to finish it all of. Should I push all zen to oneside by going for the confrontation that's being boiling?

What do you think I should do? Has anyone had any experiences like this before? All constructive help would be much appreciated.

Reply 1

Zerforax

21

Just wait for her to 'backstab' you once more then just shout/rant off at her and then hopefully she'll get a hint?

Reply 2

black_mamba

14

Write them a letter? I can imagine a civil conversation going sour if you try to do this face to face.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

sarforaz

Just wait for her to 'backstab' you once more then just shout/rant off at her and then hopefully she'll get a hint?

She's always doing this so you think I should go for the confrontation then? Confront her about everything and make it clear that the "friendship" is over so she doesn't try to weedle her way back in again somewhere?

Reply 4

Zerforax

21

mmm i think it depends on the situation and how you act..
if you act too confrontational you might end up looking like a b!tch which is never good. but if you can pull it off... why not? (but dont go insane on her cos she might think your a good friend and end up crying etc?)

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

black_mamba

Write them a letter? I can imagine a civil conversation going sour if you try to do this face to face.

So true. I've tried talking to them before but as soon as they get the hint that I'm going to say something that'll be in the least disagreeable to them, they go off on one calling me names etc. They say for me to talk to them but everytime I try they don't want to hear/wont listen. So when I don't talk to them they either like that because I'm not being me as I'm repressed and so I don't say anything, or they have a go at me because they wonder why I don't talk to them whilst other things are going wrong in my life but they can't see this as they just think about themselves the whole time instead of being there to support and comfort me like friends are supposed to.

I have written them letters before but I've never given these letters to them. I want to do it in person because even though it'll be harder I'm strong and also don't want to appear like a coward by writing to them instead of telling it to them straight. Even though telling them straight has never resulted in anything positive or constructive getting done before, this time it will. It's crunch time. But I need for them to listen to all that I have to say instead of shouting me down and still hanging around me acting like nothing has happened, telling each other that I'm just crazy and that everything between us is OK. Also, I've had harassment by them in writing so me writing a truthful letter but how angry and hurt I am, won't work in my favour, especially if I decide to file a harassment report against them.

So how do you think I should deal with them and get them to listen to me? I want all of this to end so that everybody can move on with their own lives.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

sarforaz

mmm i think it depends on the situation and how you act..
if you act too confrontational you might end up looking like a b!tch which is never good. but if you can pull it off... why not? (but dont go insane on her cos she might think your a good friend and end up crying etc?)

I see what you mean. But I'd do it face to face with her in private so not in front of everyone. Because I'm a private person and this is private business between friends. It'll only go public if she starts slating me and making up rumours about me to everyone else, which is probable as she has done this before. Obviously ppl will notice that something is up because she always makes a big solemn dance out of everything, whereas if I had to tell ppl whom know me by acquaintance what was going on, I'd just say that we're 2 completely different ppl wanting different things out of life. I hate all this bitchiness though. I don't know why I've tolerated all of this for years but now I've got to be strong and cut my losses. This time it's worse though as I've lost 2 other friends due to her being manipulative and lying. I have been a good friend to her but she's never repaid the favour. She wont cry, she'll just fire up and try to emotionally blackmail me. :frown:

And even if she did, that's her problem.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Any more advice/ideas ppl?

Reply 8

Aeris

15

I agree that you should say what's on your mind. If you're hurt because of something someone did, tell them. They may change, you never know. If they don't, maybe try talking with other people you get along with better and forming new friendships. Good luck! :smile:

Reply 9

Chris123456789

1

I moved to the other end of the country (when I went to uni). That worked for me :wink:

Reply 10

anjurdsg

11

just ignore them and dont talk to them...

dont show any kinda attitude...just leave them... and go enjoy with other friends.... when they notice that you dont need them, they themselves will come back to you (or even say sorry to you)

Reply 11

pendragon

13

I think you should go for a Coffee with them and say "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to let you go..."

wait for a responce AND

"this is just not working out for me"

**** ***

"But I hope you will find friendship opportunities elsewhere..."

**#$%**@*

"And in the meantime here is a nice sportswatch for you, and some peanuts"

*hand over the sportswatch and peanuts and leave calmly*

How do you break up with "friends"?

Related discussions

Articles for you