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i'm feeling confused

maybe i need a guy to answer this, who can understand the male mind. to cut a very long story short, i was in a relationship which turned bad because it was quite one sided on my part. i ended it, was quite upset, but moved on. recently, my ex tells me he is sorry, that he acted like an idiot and kept mentioning how things could be different if it happened again. i know he was genuine because he made all the effort of coming to see me. we made up, went out separate ways. now i am confused. did he want another chance? he doesnt appear to be making much of an effort, and im certainly not going to take charge. if he wants me, he can fight for me. but in your opinion, has he suddenly lost interest, or does he want me to make the first move...

ps. dont say TALK to him. i know i must, but first i need his mind analysed by you!

Reply 1

JadedHippy

11

I think he just panicked at the loss and was/is seeking closure. Perhaps due to worry about his esteem as you were the one who ended it. It sounds like he found his closure though.

*Jaded

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

seeking closure a year after we broke up...no i think theres more than that...

Reply 3

andy_c

7

I think he might have realised what he lost when he lost you, and now he's eventually got the guts to come after you. Perhaps what you are seeing as not making a lot of effort now, might just be him not wanting to put himself on the line totally in case you turn around and say you're not interested in trying again.

Was he pretty closed off emotionally or did he open up to you and talk about feelings and stuff?

When you talked with him recently, how did you react? If you didn't give any signs that he might be able to get you back, he might have taken that as you not being interested anymore and thus he doesn't wanna bother you and make things harder for you and also, might not wanna put himself through a lot of work when he sees little chance of success.

Reply 4

hugatree

11

Doesn't seem like they come crawling back when you break up with them to me... What happened to romance... *sigh*

Reply 5

sweetface.

Let me just say this, well done for moving on!
You say that you have moved on, well don't go back with him. Just stay as you were before, without him. I mean he's obviously realising what he has done to you. So now it's just best to leave him alone, you don't want to get in that same boat as him again. So you should just keep doing what your doing, and date other guys.

Reply 6

JadedHippy

11

Anonymous

seeking closure a year after we broke up...no i think theres more than that...

Oh right, sorry. In my head I imagined it was a much shorter time.

*Jaded

Reply 7

albowonderer

andy_c

I think he might have realised what he lost when he lost you, and now he's eventually got the guts to come after you. Perhaps what you are seeing as not making a lot of effort now, might just be him not wanting to put himself on the line totally in case you turn around and say you're not interested in trying again.

Was he pretty closed off emotionally or did he open up to you and talk about feelings and stuff?

When you talked with him recently, how did you react? If you didn't give any signs that he might be able to get you back, he might have taken that as you not being interested anymore and thus he doesn't wanna bother you and make things harder for you and also, might not wanna put himself through a lot of work when he sees little chance of success.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

thanks for the advice, i really dont know what to do. i havent really heard from him since we had the talk. he was very open about things which is unusual for him and thats why i thought he might be genuine. the problem is, i had moved on, but since hes said all the nice stuff i find myself thinkin about him all the time. its really annoying, but im determined that if he wants anything he must be the first to make a move!

Reply 9

sjuthani

6

Anonymous

but im determined that if he wants anything he must be the first to make a move!

If that's the way you feel, then let time take its course. Of course, he might be thinking that he's already made that move...

Reply 10

andy_c

7

Anonymous

thanks for the advice, i really dont know what to do. i havent really heard from him since we had the talk. he was very open about things which is unusual for him and thats why i thought he might be genuine. the problem is, i had moved on, but since hes said all the nice stuff i find myself thinkin about him all the time. its really annoying, but im determined that if he wants anything he must be the first to make a move!

If he's not usually open, but he is being now, than he's putting himself out there and on the line in doing this. I think he's trying to win you back.

If you want him to make the first move, then you've got to make it clear to him that you are going to react positively and that you are open to him making a move. Otherwise you'll get nowhere. Personally, I don't see why he has to make the first move - if you're interested and he is (which he seems to be) then just go for it. Yeah he may have hurt/upset you in the past, and you may want to make him pay, but think of all the time you are losing whilst playing games with each other and whilst you are waiting for him to make the first move! It will be especially hard for him if he's not used to opening up and being honest about his feelings, etc. As someone else said, he may feel as though he's just made the first move, and might be waiting for your response, whilst you sat waiting for his next move. Why do we insist on playing games with each other!!! :rolleyes:

i'm feeling confused

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