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Picture of my boyfriend with his arm round another girl.

I saw this picture of him and a girl I don't know on facebook today. I'm thinking of ending it with him.

This might seem a bit excessive, you might think, but a few months ago I found out he'd lied to me about something and I gave him a chance to regain my trust. Now he's messing it up all over again! I had been feeling positive about the relationship again but now the doubts are flooding back.

We are long-distance and just weeks away from closing the distance. But I'm starting to feel like I'm kidding myself that he loves and respects me. I haven't had a chance to ask him about the photo yet since we are in different time zones, but I can't think of anything he could say to make this ok.

Am I being reasonable? Would I be doing the right thing?

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Reply 1
You need to have a serious talk to him.
Trust your instinct.
Reply 3
show us the pic


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Reply 4
He sounds like a douche. End it with him and go out with me, instead. :tongue:
Look, when people know there are issues in relationships they have two options, make sure they don't risk that mistake again because they want the relationship to last or they can carry on being careless and sloppy.

An arm round somebody isn't a huge issue, but in respect of there being trust issues beforehand I tihnk it's fair to say this guy isn't putting in much consideration. Ask him honestly and explain and don't come across all aggressive otherwise he will just claim you're being jealous.

You have one life so don't let anybody mess you around.
Reply 6
Wow, facebook=serious business
Reply 7
Original post by Agenda Suicide
Look, when people know there are issues in relationships they have two options, make sure they don't risk that mistake again because they want the relationship to last or they can carry on being careless and sloppy.

An arm round somebody isn't a huge issue, but in respect of there being trust issues beforehand I tihnk it's fair to say this guy isn't putting in much consideration. Ask him honestly and explain and don't come across all aggressive otherwise he will just claim you're being jealous.

You have one life so don't let anybody mess you around.


Thanks, the only helpful advice on this thread!

I have had a talk with him and explained how I felt about it, and of course he thinks I am overreacting and that I'm 'checking up on him' and looking for something that's not there. He said he didn't think anything of it and that he hasn't done anything wrong.

Am I being stupid?
Original post by Anonymous
Am I being stupid?


Yes. Come on! You are most definitely overreacting! An arm round someone else is absolutely no indication that he does not love or respect you anymore!

Your insecurities about your relationship are manifesting themselves in this jealousy. What if his arm was round another bloke? You'd think nothing of it would you? So what difference is it if it's a girl?

To be honest it sounds like you don't cope well with long distance relationships, I know because I'm the same. Not seeing your other half for a significant amount of time brings niggling doubts into your mind but trust me, something as insignificant as this does not mean he's emotionally checked out of your relationship.
Reply 9
Original post by SummerAnthems
Yes. Come on! You are most definitely overreacting! An arm round someone else is absolutely no indication that he does not love or respect you anymore!

Your insecurities about your relationship are manifesting themselves in this jealousy. What if his arm was round another bloke? You'd think nothing of it would you? So what difference is it if it's a girl?

To be honest it sounds like you don't cope well with long distance relationships, I know because I'm the same. Not seeing your other half for a significant amount of time brings niggling doubts into your mind but trust me, something as insignificant as this does not mean he's emotionally checked out of your relationship.


Ok, well I can see that now. Previous trust issues have made me completely insecure, and those were definitely not me being stupid!

I guess she is this pretty red-head girl who I've never seen before - all his exes before me were ginger, so I instantly associated her with someone he'd potentially date.

I hate the long-distance and I can't believe we've even made it this far. I've only seen him twice in what will be 10 months. At least it's not long to go until I'm home so I can give the relationship a chance in person.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, well I can see that now. Previous trust issues have made me completely insecure, and those were definitely not me being stupid!

I guess she is this pretty red-head girl who I've never seen before - all his exes before me were ginger, so I instantly associated her with someone he'd potentially date.

I hate the long-distance and I can't believe we've even made it this far. I've only seen him twice in what will be 10 months. At least it's not long to go until I'm home so I can give the relationship a chance in person.


He is probably having sex with these women. He is a man, he needs sex. And you have seen him twice in 10 months. I can bet you he has had sex with other women. dump him.
Original post by Anonymous
I saw this picture of him and a girl I don't know on facebook today. I'm thinking of ending it with him.

This might seem a bit excessive, you might think, but a few months ago I found out he'd lied to me about something and I gave him a chance to regain my trust. Now he's messing it up all over again! I had been feeling positive about the relationship again but now the doubts are flooding back.

We are long-distance and just weeks away from closing the distance. But I'm starting to feel like I'm kidding myself that he loves and respects me. I haven't had a chance to ask him about the photo yet since we are in different time zones, but I can't think of anything he could say to make this ok.

Am I being reasonable? Would I be doing the right thing?


Because you said he's already lied to you it's no surprise you are suspicious. It's hard to say. For some guys it would be nothing, and for others, maybe not. Cause you don't want to say anything then it turns out it really is nothing and he worries you don't trust him enough (but then again, you still have reason to not trust him).
Since you will be together again soon I'd wait until you are together again and see how things are then.. just like how he treats you and stuff :smile:. Hope i helped somehow
You are in a bad relationship.

A guy putting their arm round another girl should be fully acceptable in an even half descent relationship.

You obviously do not trust him at all.
Reply 13
Oh nooooo, he had his arm round a girrrrrrrl?
If he had his arm round a guy you didn't know, would you think he was bumming him? Jeeez
Reply 14
I don't know much about your relationship but if I saw a picture of one of the men i've been with, with their arm around another girl i'd just assume they were friends? Its not really a romantic gesture, but if you can't trust him or you suspect there is something going on then you might as well end it and save the both of you a lot of hassle.
Reply 15
Original post by tooti
I don't know much about your relationship but if I saw a picture of one of the men i've been with, with their arm around another girl i'd just assume they were friends? Its not really a romantic gesture, but if you can't trust him or you suspect there is something going on then you might as well end it and save the both of you a lot of hassle.


I think there were several reasons I thought something of it. I mean it looked like he was holding her hand (if you look closely, he isn't), they're not friends and I have never seen her before, the way he is holding her... a few things like that.

I've made it up with him now though, and I think it'll be ok from now.
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
I think there were several reasons I thought something of it. I mean it looked like he was holding her hand (if you look closely, he isn't), they're not friends and I have never seen her before, the way he is holding her... a few things like that.

I've made it up with him now though, and I think it'll be ok from now.


Well I can't lie and say I wouldn't feel a little bit jealous if I saw my boyfriend with his arm around another girl but I wouldn't expect him to completely avoid all other girls just because he's with me. As long as you don't jump to conclusions and talk to him about it then it should be fine.

Good luck!
Reply 17
Obviously it's unbelievably fine what he did. Dump him for that and he'll probably count his blessings because of how insecure and jealous you are when he does a tiny little thing like (god forbid) touch a girl on the shoulder.
Reply 18
To everyone here who's accusing her of overreacting - You need to think about how you'd feel if your girlfriend/boyfriend was doing this, especially because it's a long distance relationship. Although it's probably completely innocent, I can understand how it upset her.


Seriously, this is you.

Calm down.
(edited 12 years ago)