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Help. Most difficult decision ever!

Hi, well apologies for anon as usual. Dont wana be spotted on here by ppl i know.

So here goes. Over the last few months, met someone and i like them a lot. Im not sure if its enough of a liking to get into a relationship right away, but things are certainly developing in that direction.

And now, ive a sudden and undeniable urge to go to uni next year. Ive visited a friends campus, and ive never had so much fun in my life.

The person i like is going away too, but if i stay here in my job things might work out. If i go away to uni, the distance will be too far and money will be too much of a problem.
It wouldnt work, im certain of it (speaking from LTR experience)

So choice
-Education and the most fun three years (of my life apparently)
-or the person ive started to like a lot, but im still unsure whats gona happen there. I do like them a lot, and theyve reciprocated these feelings.

Its the worst choice ive ever had to make, but im sure there'll be more of this to come. Im also pretty certain i cant choose both. It just wont work. HELP PLEASE advice. Im so stressed out and feeling lost . . .

Reply 1

john!!

Four points:

1. I went to uni this year and a surprising number of relationships have continued. I didn't expect that.

2. Uni IS great fun, most people do have the time of their life

3. At the end of the day, it's your education, and that's extremely important... make sure you don't regret making the wrong choice.. which choice do you think you'll regret more?

4. Read point 1 again.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

speranza

Go to uni! You will almost certainly regret it if you don't. Sacrificing your education for a relationship that ultimately will probably end would be a huge mistake.

Yeah what i was inclined to think.
But then potential partners who you consider to be 'right' dont come along very often either. We get on great and it wud be a shame to throw that away.
I try to tell myself its all a big fuss over nothing, but there is a lot at stake here, and theres not just chance to hurt my own feelings, but theirs aswell. :confused:

Reply 3

Schmokie Dragon

Never make a life long decision for the sake of someone else.

LDRs are very difficult but can work. But you should never sacrafice university (which could set you up for life, introduce you to the friends you will have for life, introduce you to your future hubby/wifey etc etc) for the sake of someone with whom you are not even in a relationship with. It would be the worst decison you will ever make, so don't make it!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Ok cool - im clear with myself that i really wana go to uni. Theres no doubts there. I even have a particular uni(s) and a course in mind. All seems perfect and ready to go.

But how do i deal with them? i mean after telling them i like them and find them attractive, i cant just turn round to them and say 'sorry ive changed my mind im going away'

This is so difficult for me
1 - because i think theyre a special person and theres atleast a little bit of real potential there.
2 - because i really dont want to hurt their feelings (i think this person is someone in particular that would be badly knocked back by this

Keep any advice coming its been great so far. Just i have vague ideas of how to go about this, just as always i have no confidence in my own decision making ability

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

speranza

Yup, be honest. Have you told this person that you're *not* going away? If not, then just start talking about your plans. Surely if you're doing/have done a levels then they'll be aware that uni is the likely next step? If you've said that you're not going away, then just say you've changed your mind. You're allowed to change your mind - you have no obligation to this person, however nice they are. And if the person is as nice as you say, then they will be happy for you because you're doing something you're excited about.

Ive been in a gap year. Everyone had the impression i wud never go to uni, but never say never as they say.
My change of mind has been sudden and surprised even myself.
This is difficult though - i feel most replies are pretty one sided leaning towards 'go to uni.'

Consider that i've found someone im really happy with, weve expressed feelings for each other, and now we're waiting to see what happens (my guess is something will definitely start from this).
Well i find that girls who i like are generally quite hard to find, and uni will be there forever. I could go next year, or whatever.
Just puts a different perspective on it when i look at 'future career' and 'future relationship' and i consider them both with equal importance.
Sorry for my ranting.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

speranza

Well, first I apologise for assuming you were a girl. :smile:

I still think that at this point in your life, you need to put yourself and your education first. I think the longer you leave it, the less likely you are to go to uni, especially if you get a job and get used to having a regular income.

You say that uni will always be there, but relationships will always be there too. You can't say for sure that this person is a potential long-term relationship, you only know that you like each other. That's not much to sacrifice so much on.

I don't think you shouldn't get into a relationship with the person, but just be honest about what you want and see how it goes. I would say though that if she ever did want you to not go to uni, that would be a major red-flag to me that the relationship was not a healthy one. Don't allow yourself to be held back - you are much too young to settle for second bests.

Ok cool thanks and lessthanthree too. I see what you mean and i will go to uni.
And regarding the full time work, im already doing that. I was lucky as ever and came straight out of college into a business situation job. Im working self employed. Is it worth giving this up? Its a great bit of progress in a good direction, but its just not quite where i want to go.

This is all good, but ive just used it as a viewpoint on what i wana do in the future. Now i can go and get qualifications that are relevant to exactly what i want.

And i'll tell her - think the attitude here should be to make a choice, explain to her and see what happens. It might not necessarily be bad.

Reply 7

WokSz

OMG - is there even a doubt? UNI!! Screw the relationship dude. You might even find someone better at uni.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

WokSz

OMG - is there even a doubt? UNI!! Screw the relationship dude. You might even find someone better at uni.

Well theres definitely a doubt - otherwise i wouldnt have posted.

Is it so ridiculous that i like a girl loads? And cos i like her loads im maybe unwilling to give up yet and therefore go to uni next year instead. Im in a safe job - so what if it goes wrong uni will stay, girls wont. I cant see why people seem to object to this so much.

Reply 9

ezyazd

I'm with most of the other people on this, everyone is suggesting Uni as it is the 'safer' more predictable road for the next few years. As long as you are up to standard then you know you will graduate with a degree. But you don't know what may happen with the girl you like. It could all be peaches and cream for a few months, even a year or more, and while you feel everything is well and you are content you will be less inclined to go to Uni.

But I am sure you can have the best of both worlds now. Where there is a will there is a way. I am sure you two can work it out so you can go to Uni and see the girl you like. Also ask yourself if she were in your shoes would she put her life on hold for you?

Time is something you cannot get back, and one of the worst things is regret. There must be a way to juggled both your commitments, if she likes you as much as you think she does then she will be willing to work with you on this so you both benefit. If she wants told hold you back, then it's better that you move on because you want someone in life that wants to back you up, and push you forward to better yourself and follow your dreams.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

She wouldnt hold me back i know that.
I think im holding myself back more than anything, trying to deny that yes uni is a life constructing decision.
And i will go to uni, but i have make sure i make the right choices here.

The worry is yes, i would seriously regret not taking adfvantage of the time i have and getting stuck into a course, but also seriously regret losing someone i consider important to me because ive classed them as 'second best' Thats unfair.

But like you say, if i can work out the best of both 'cant see an obvious way how to' then shud all be fine.

Reply 11

ezyazd

What area are you from? What does the girl you like do? You mentioned that she is going away too? Where too and how long? Where do you want to go Uni? Is there no way you could go to a Uni that isn't to far away or that even she could relocate somewhere closer to where you will be? - sorry to be nosey, obviously you dont have to answer this, but it might help.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Lets just say if i go to uni next year there'll be a pretty ridiculous distance to travel.

Unless i go for a different uni. Its a thought, but difficult because i'd already settled on one really.

Think best thing to do here is for me to talk to her and just be as honest with her about it as ive been on here. Whats the worse can happen? (dont answer that :p:

)

Reply 13

ezyazd

Yeah that's the best idea really, it usually works for me. Good luck :smile:

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

I can't believe you actually have to think about it. I know how you feel now, but you probably won't in a year or even six months. Uni could be the greatest experience of your life, and it's not worth throwing it away for a relationship that may or may not happen. anyway, there's nothing to stop you from staying in touch and you'll be back in the hols. Come on, you must know what the right decision is!