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How do you deal with death?
I wanted to keep this anon because if anyone really found out it wouldn't be spread across the board.
I just found out one of my family members are really sick and I'm afraid they may just close their eyes and never wake up again
I'm quite close to them and I don't know how'd I'd cope mentally or physically with death, I've never experienced a family funeral or whatever - and I'm very sorry if I have brought up emotions which people have felt - it's not the intention at all I just don't know what to do- any help would be grateful
p.s. the family member doesn't want children around him at all so please just don't say go down and see them.
I just found out one of my family members are really sick and I'm afraid they may just close their eyes and never wake up again
I'm quite close to them and I don't know how'd I'd cope mentally or physically with death, I've never experienced a family funeral or whatever - and I'm very sorry if I have brought up emotions which people have felt - it's not the intention at all I just don't know what to do- any help would be gratefulp.s. the family member doesn't want children around him at all so please just don't say go down and see them.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
I'm sorry to hear that.Everyone reacts differently to death.Some people get over it quickly,others cry for days.
However you react is normal.Don't worry about how you'll react.The funeral won't be pleasant,obviously,if it happens.The family funerals I've been to are generally you know,the sad funeral bit,then we all go to someone's house(depends where the person who died lives) and have a family catch up and then all go home.I tend to sleep after funerals*weird*.
However you react is normal.Don't worry about how you'll react.The funeral won't be pleasant,obviously,if it happens.The family funerals I've been to are generally you know,the sad funeral bit,then we all go to someone's house(depends where the person who died lives) and have a family catch up and then all go home.I tend to sleep after funerals*weird*.
Reply 2
cherrychocolate
I'm sorry to hear that.Everyone reacts differently to death.Some people get over it quickly,others cry for days.
However you react is normal.Don't worry about how you'll react.The funeral won't be pleasant,obviously,if it happens.The family funerals I've been to are generally you know,the sad funeral bit,then we all go to someone's house(depends where the person who died lives) and have a family catch up and then all go home.I tend to sleep after funerals*weird*.
However you react is normal.Don't worry about how you'll react.The funeral won't be pleasant,obviously,if it happens.The family funerals I've been to are generally you know,the sad funeral bit,then we all go to someone's house(depends where the person who died lives) and have a family catch up and then all go home.I tend to sleep after funerals*weird*.
Thanks for the input
I just don't know what to do really no ones died on me before Reply 3
i know it sounds messed up, but you get used to it, but it being your first it wont be easy, you just have to try and remember the good times and remember, that where ever theve gone its a better place and there out of their pain, you'll find, that the death will bring you and others closer
just remember that with every death, brings new life, its just one of those things in life, so dont put on a brave face, if you want to just cry, there will be people there to support you, just do what feels right
just remember that with every death, brings new life, its just one of those things in life, so dont put on a brave face, if you want to just cry, there will be people there to support you, just do what feels right
Reply 4
I hadn't really experienced a death until my dad died last year. I was in shock for days as it was sudden. However just because you know somebody is sick won't prepare you for if they do pass away. It's sad you can't see them. Maybe write to them explaining your feelings and how much you love them.
Grief is a really personal thing and everyone resonds differently. You will feel all sorts of emotions and you probably won't know whats hit you but day by day you'll understand it a little more and come to terms with it. Crying is totally normal and often good, as is anger, panic, distress..all sorts of emotions.
Don't put on a brave face, just be honest with yourself and your feelings and be honest with your family. Stick together and be kind to yourself and everyone else.
Funerals are pretty grim, I nearly backed out of going to my dad's as I was so scared. There were 200 people there and I felt all eyes were on me. I was glad I went as it gave me a chance to say goodbye and feel some kind of closure. I knew how much I was going to miss my dad but I was also proud so many people came..it was a real mark of respect.
You won't know how you are going to feel until it happens really, you just have to take each day as it comes and try and find something good everyday however hard it may seem.
Grief is a really personal thing and everyone resonds differently. You will feel all sorts of emotions and you probably won't know whats hit you but day by day you'll understand it a little more and come to terms with it. Crying is totally normal and often good, as is anger, panic, distress..all sorts of emotions.
Don't put on a brave face, just be honest with yourself and your feelings and be honest with your family. Stick together and be kind to yourself and everyone else.
Funerals are pretty grim, I nearly backed out of going to my dad's as I was so scared. There were 200 people there and I felt all eyes were on me. I was glad I went as it gave me a chance to say goodbye and feel some kind of closure. I knew how much I was going to miss my dad but I was also proud so many people came..it was a real mark of respect.
You won't know how you are going to feel until it happens really, you just have to take each day as it comes and try and find something good everyday however hard it may seem.
Reply 5
a friend of mine was killed in a car accident a couple of years ago. he lived in america and so i hadnt seen him for ages but we were really close when we were younger and i was crushed.
i still havent dealt with it. i'm on of these people that does my best to hold back emotions like that. i guess i've just learnt to live with it and thats the best i can do. i don't have one bad memory of my friend, so it so easy for me to think of the good times that we had together.
i wasn't able to go to the funeral as it was in the states but his family gave us a dvd of his memorial service. a year on from receiving that dvd and i still havent brought myself round to watching it.
i guess that if theres one thing that his death has taught me is not to be afraid and to live my life as full as possible, especially since his was taken away too soon. the one thing that kills me is that i hadn't been in touch with him for a while, and then it was too late. maybe if you can't visit, write to the family member telling them how much you love them and that you're thinking of them, especially if you're close?
i hope everything works out ok.
i still havent dealt with it. i'm on of these people that does my best to hold back emotions like that. i guess i've just learnt to live with it and thats the best i can do. i don't have one bad memory of my friend, so it so easy for me to think of the good times that we had together.
i wasn't able to go to the funeral as it was in the states but his family gave us a dvd of his memorial service. a year on from receiving that dvd and i still havent brought myself round to watching it.
i guess that if theres one thing that his death has taught me is not to be afraid and to live my life as full as possible, especially since his was taken away too soon. the one thing that kills me is that i hadn't been in touch with him for a while, and then it was too late. maybe if you can't visit, write to the family member telling them how much you love them and that you're thinking of them, especially if you're close?
i hope everything works out ok.
Reply 6
Ive experienced family deaths, im 16 and have been to 3 funerals.. my nan, dad and grandad
Dealing with death is different for everyone, maybe talk to other family members or friends about how you feel, and tell them you dont know how you are gnna deal with the death, there is help everywhere you look and i dont mean proffesional, family can help you get through it as they will be experiencing the same thing even if they dont say
Keeping your feelings bottled up just makes it worse, you dont have to be alone in all of this, i find its hard to really deal with it until after the funeral when it becomes real and you realise you are never gonna see them again, but things get better, you never forget them, they are with you of only in your heart and memories
Just stay strong but dont try and be too strong, everyone needs to grieve and have someone to talk too
Hope you get through this ok!
Dealing with death is different for everyone, maybe talk to other family members or friends about how you feel, and tell them you dont know how you are gnna deal with the death, there is help everywhere you look and i dont mean proffesional, family can help you get through it as they will be experiencing the same thing even if they dont say
Keeping your feelings bottled up just makes it worse, you dont have to be alone in all of this, i find its hard to really deal with it until after the funeral when it becomes real and you realise you are never gonna see them again, but things get better, you never forget them, they are with you of only in your heart and memories
Just stay strong but dont try and be too strong, everyone needs to grieve and have someone to talk too
Hope you get through this ok!
Reply 7
My Dad died last year and something I really felt helped was writing a very personal letter that nobody else read and asking if it could be cremated with him. I got the chance to write things I had never truly felt able to tell to anyone else but made me feel a lot better believing that he had read them and understood them.
He was ill for a long time - over 6 years. In 2001 they had told him he only had a few months left to live and he managed to prove them all wrong.
I think it depends on your personality and opinions as to how you view death. Before I had experienced it, I felt like I would never be able to cope but I did. I felt I had to be strong for my Mum. I also felt like I was kinda expecting it as he had gone downhill in the last few weeks before his death.
Be careful not to hide your emotions too much though. Do you have a close friend that you can really talk to? This may help.
The funeral will be surreal. I asked for a particular song that always made me think of my Dad to be played. You may feel that all eyes are on you but just remember they will only be wishing you well in the tough times ahead.
You will get through whatever life throws at you if you believe you will.
Sarah xx
He was ill for a long time - over 6 years. In 2001 they had told him he only had a few months left to live and he managed to prove them all wrong.
I think it depends on your personality and opinions as to how you view death. Before I had experienced it, I felt like I would never be able to cope but I did. I felt I had to be strong for my Mum. I also felt like I was kinda expecting it as he had gone downhill in the last few weeks before his death.
Be careful not to hide your emotions too much though. Do you have a close friend that you can really talk to? This may help.
The funeral will be surreal. I asked for a particular song that always made me think of my Dad to be played. You may feel that all eyes are on you but just remember they will only be wishing you well in the tough times ahead.
You will get through whatever life throws at you if you believe you will.
Sarah xx
Reply 8
14
I'm really sorry to hear that someone you love is that ill.
In response to your question 'How do you deal with death?' there isn't any right answer. You deal with it how you deal with it, do whatever feels right at the time. Everybody grieves in different ways and don't feel ashamed or embarressed about whatever way helps you through this best. You won't know how you're going to react until it happens, and if you cope differently to someone else doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It's all individual. Also there is no time limit on grief. Don't feel bad if you appear to 'get over' it quicker than someone else it doesn't mean you love the person any less, just like if you take longer to start and feel better, don't worry.
As this person doesn't want to see children, is there anyway you can write them a letter? It could help you get all your feelings down or say things that you want to. You don't even have to give it to them, you could keep it, just getting things out could be helpful.
I hope you cope ok with things, remember ou have familyand friends to help you through. My thought are with you and your family.
In response to your question 'How do you deal with death?' there isn't any right answer. You deal with it how you deal with it, do whatever feels right at the time. Everybody grieves in different ways and don't feel ashamed or embarressed about whatever way helps you through this best. You won't know how you're going to react until it happens, and if you cope differently to someone else doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It's all individual. Also there is no time limit on grief. Don't feel bad if you appear to 'get over' it quicker than someone else it doesn't mean you love the person any less, just like if you take longer to start and feel better, don't worry.
As this person doesn't want to see children, is there anyway you can write them a letter? It could help you get all your feelings down or say things that you want to. You don't even have to give it to them, you could keep it, just getting things out could be helpful.
I hope you cope ok with things, remember ou have familyand friends to help you through. My thought are with you and your family.
Reply 9
Hi there
sorry to hear that your going through this, its a horrilbe experience
When my nan died last year (she had cancer) i never thought i would be able to get over it, to be honest before she died was worse for me than afterwards, because i knew it was going to happen and i couldnt handle it, anyway i broke down at school, and my tutor helped me thorugh it after that, something really helpful that she told me to, it may help for you ..
Get a collection of photographs together, and by a little book, then stick all these photos into the book and write down lots of memories of your relationship with him. When hes passed when you feel ready enough .. look through this slowly and carefully, remembering the good times.. it helped me alot.
Remember that he will probobly be in a better place
sorry to hear that your going through this, its a horrilbe experience
When my nan died last year (she had cancer) i never thought i would be able to get over it, to be honest before she died was worse for me than afterwards, because i knew it was going to happen and i couldnt handle it, anyway i broke down at school, and my tutor helped me thorugh it after that, something really helpful that she told me to, it may help for you ..
Get a collection of photographs together, and by a little book, then stick all these photos into the book and write down lots of memories of your relationship with him. When hes passed when you feel ready enough .. look through this slowly and carefully, remembering the good times.. it helped me alot.
Remember that he will probobly be in a better place
Reply 10
My mum died when I was nearly 16 and I can honestly say I don't know how I have coped. For me it was so difficult because I watched her in pain every single day for months. No-one really understands what it was like apart from my dad and although we don't always see eye to eye he's still the only one I can really open up to about her death. It's easy for people to say that they miss her and are upset about her death, but they never saw the true devastation that her illness had upon everything and never saw her crying hopelessly or unable to get out of bed for days on end. It's little things like that which still haunt me and it's difficult to remember the good times when they've been clouded over by such horrible memories.
It was an emotional roller coaster, especially after learning that her cancer had come back and there was nothing anyone could do...I was in denial for ages and I still had hope that she would suddenly get better even when she was desperately ill a few days before her death. I think the absolute worse thing about the whole experience is the fact that she was always in denial herself. I was torn between accepting her imminent death myself and having to put on a brave face for her. I just didn't know what to do. When she did eventually die I felt nothing but relief. It sounds terrible but I just wanted to be free of the constant hospice journeys and the constant heartache of having to watch my beautiful mother in pain; it really messed me up.
The day after she died I woke up at about 7am and there was this lonely silence. It was then that it really hit me that she was gone and I cried my eyes out. It's so difficult to describe the feeling, but I remember feeling this immense overwhelming sadness. I was clingy with my dad (which is so out of character) and just held on to him for support.
God I'm really sorry, my post has probably made you feel worse. I'm not over my mum's death and I never will be...I never talk about it either, which is why my post comes across as being self-obsessive. Actually in the past when I have spoken about it on message boards I have been accused of attention seeking, so I think it's always best to either talk to people you're close to or find people who are in the same situation as you. Other people just don't understand and will make you feel worse. I've spoken to other motherless daughters on the net and it's been such a relief to find others who know exactly what I've been going through. You never ever get over losing someone so close, but it does get easier to cope with after a while. I think the point of what I've said is that you can't really anticipate how you'll react. You just have to be as strong as possible and make the most of the time you have left.
It was an emotional roller coaster, especially after learning that her cancer had come back and there was nothing anyone could do...I was in denial for ages and I still had hope that she would suddenly get better even when she was desperately ill a few days before her death. I think the absolute worse thing about the whole experience is the fact that she was always in denial herself. I was torn between accepting her imminent death myself and having to put on a brave face for her. I just didn't know what to do. When she did eventually die I felt nothing but relief. It sounds terrible but I just wanted to be free of the constant hospice journeys and the constant heartache of having to watch my beautiful mother in pain; it really messed me up.
The day after she died I woke up at about 7am and there was this lonely silence. It was then that it really hit me that she was gone and I cried my eyes out. It's so difficult to describe the feeling, but I remember feeling this immense overwhelming sadness. I was clingy with my dad (which is so out of character) and just held on to him for support.
God I'm really sorry, my post has probably made you feel worse. I'm not over my mum's death and I never will be...I never talk about it either, which is why my post comes across as being self-obsessive. Actually in the past when I have spoken about it on message boards I have been accused of attention seeking, so I think it's always best to either talk to people you're close to or find people who are in the same situation as you. Other people just don't understand and will make you feel worse. I've spoken to other motherless daughters on the net and it's been such a relief to find others who know exactly what I've been going through. You never ever get over losing someone so close, but it does get easier to cope with after a while. I think the point of what I've said is that you can't really anticipate how you'll react. You just have to be as strong as possible and make the most of the time you have left.
Reply 11
Thanks everyone for your posts they mean a lot and I'm beginning to understand now thank you everyone 
Reply 12
alcohol
Reply 13
14
When the grim reaper comes knocking at your door just don't answer it, or tell him you're busy, he'll understand and knock next door.
Reply 14
Anonymous
I wanted to keep this anon because if anyone really found out it wouldn't be spread across the board.
I just found out one of my family members are really sick and I'm afraid they may just close their eyes and never wake up again I'm quite close to them and I don't know how'd I'd cope mentally or physically with death, I've never experienced a family funeral or whatever - and I'm very sorry if I have brought up emotions which people have felt - it's not the intention at all I just don't know what to do- any help would be grateful
p.s. the family member doesn't want children around him at all so please just don't say go down and see them.
I just found out one of my family members are really sick and I'm afraid they may just close their eyes and never wake up again
I'm quite close to them and I don't know how'd I'd cope mentally or physically with death, I've never experienced a family funeral or whatever - and I'm very sorry if I have brought up emotions which people have felt - it's not the intention at all I just don't know what to do- any help would be gratefulp.s. the family member doesn't want children around him at all so please just don't say go down and see them.
Reply 15
ger_regime
alcohol
Wow, you really are a ****ing idiot .
Reply 16
you can't deal with death, you can only cope with it. just remember that it doesn't last forever, no matter what it feels like at the time. and it's a wonderful thing to actually have the chance to say goodbye, coming from someone who didn't have the chance anyway
Reply 17
If they are suffering, it is always so comforting to remeber how there is no suffering in heaven, and how God keeps everyone safe and well.
If they are suffering from an illness, it may hurt you when they leave, but it frees them.
Funerals are horrible. Whenever you have one you relive every funeral you've ever been to (or if its your first itll just be very moving likely)
If they are suffering from an illness, it may hurt you when they leave, but it frees them.
Funerals are horrible. Whenever you have one you relive every funeral you've ever been to (or if its your first itll just be very moving likely)
Reply 18
The best advice I can offer is not to be ashamed of however you feel; don't think that you should behave in one way, that you should feel a certain way, etc. It affects everyone differently, it's perhaps one of the hardest things you have to face, but I can assure you that most people will be understanding, so if you find that things are getting too much, find someone you can trust and talk to them.
Reply 19
Krysia
The best advice I can offer is not to be ashamed of however you feel; don't think that you should behave in one way, that you should feel a certain way, etc. It affects everyone differently, it's perhaps one of the hardest things you have to face, but I can assure you that most people will be understanding, so if you find that things are getting too much, find someone you can trust and talk to them.
When my grandma died at the beginning of the summer holidays, I was very upset. No one really mentioned it, my mum talked to me and asked if I was alright, but my friends didn't. People think that just because it's a grandparent it doesn't really matter, but losing anyone is hard. I wish I'd spoken to my mum about it, as I felt terrible. I hardly saw my grandma, but it was very sad. When I went down to Buckinghamshire and I met up with family members who I hd never seen before, I felt strangely at ease. I was glad that I got a chance to say goodbye to her.
You need to talk to someone, just to express your feelings, as keeping things inside will make you feel terrible.
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