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Found bf had kept things his ex gave him

My boyfriend and I were looking for his passport, and I went to one of his drawers, got nosey and had a bigger rummage at things than I should of done and in the process found a couple of postcards from ex, not even emotional ones, just 'saw this and thought of you' things and a newspaper clipping of them both from a night out.

I told him straight away and said I wasn't in any way worried about him still.having feelings for her or cheating, it just made be slightly uncomfortable. He threw them right away, initially said he'd like to keep the clipping but then threw that too I think.

He said when he moved into this house he kept them as didn't want to throw them away at that point. Which sounded fair.

Is this ok? I threw all my stuff from my ex like that away though we are friends now. Just wondered what people thought.
I actually do have things in my house from my most recent ex who I absolutely hate but only because it's jewelry and I haven't got round to figuring out how to use ebay.. may as well make money from it haha

Yeah I don't think it's right to keep things from exs for long, the relationship is in the past and it will annoy any future partners. Your boyfriend threw them out so you shouldn't worry.
Reply 2
Different people react to break ups differently. Some people still have keep-sakes and no feelings for their ex. I don't think you need to be worried.
Nothing wrong with keeping things from past relationships - it's fine to remember the good memories of a relationship. I still have pictures of myself and my ex, and a necklace he gave me for my 18th, as well as my birthday/Christmas cards from him. My boyfriend sees no problem with it, he has things his ex gave him. Just because a relationship has ended doesn't mean you have to destroy all evidence of it ever existing, or tarnish the good memories. If your boyfriend is over his ex, there is no harm in him keeping a few nice mementoes of one of his relationships.
Reply 4
Ah right. Thanks for all the input.

I just thought it was a little odd I suppose, that I didn't know he had them. despite the fact I know he wasn't "hiding" anything from me.
Reply 5
It doesn't sound as though you have anything to worry about.

I have some things from my ex somewhere, because I put them away after we broke up and I haven't looked at them since.
He reacted well so you're fine.

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Awkward: broke up, kept the stuff for a few months/weeks, when it had all seemed to die down I either threw it all out (burnt the photos). Then we got back together. Turns out she'd kept all the stuff I'd given her minus one thing she'd left at my house after we broke up... and when we were back together she took that back but it was awkward her asking about the stuff she'd given me 'cos it was all gone/destroyed.

...and then we broke up again anyway.

But none the less it was awkward.

It would depend on the circumstances but to be perfectly honest OP I'd say you have nothing to worry about at all! He got rid of them straight away like you asked, and you saw him do it so I'd say you're safe
I chucked away all my ex's things although I could only manage it after about a month because I was still in shock from the break up. The only thing I kept was the camera she brought me for my birthday a few years ago which I wiped completely clean of photos of us as I did with the computer. Life's much easier now :smile:
Reply 9
I don't see a problem with keeping things from an ex, they were an important part of your life at one point. Then I do hold onto a lot of keepsakes in general I suppose.
Reply 10
I don't see an issue truthfully. I had teddy bears from exs, I didn't want to throw them away because they were nice, I hate my exs though haha! When I moved I left them behind though, fresh start and all that jazz :smile:

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Reply 11
I think if people break up amicably it's pretty common to keep things. I've got a bunch of stuff in a box in my cupboard that I don't look at but there's no point binning it cos it'll be nice to look back on when I'm old.
Reply 12
Original post by -Liberty
Different people react to break ups differently. Some people still have keep-sakes and no feelings for their ex. I don't think you need to be worried.

When I broke up with my ex i destroyed every memory of him to help cope with it but I know that he kept things of mine.
Admittedly it was me who left him (for various reasons.. cheating etc etc etc) but people react in different ways.
Things like that can just be memories of a good day - the people in the photographs may not be important but it might remind him of a good day or something he experienced that he enjoyed.
It's just the same as any memorabilia, you shouldn't worry unless you know for certain he has feelings for her - then it needs to be dealt with in ways you can develop together.
Reply 13
When my ex and I broke up I packed up everything he ever gave me and didn't look at it. About a month later I had no problem with throwing it all away and wondering why I kept so much junk anyway!

I have only kept one or two things, a hoodie he bought me for my birthday because I really like it and a necklace as I haven't got any others!

I saw him the other night still wearing a ring I gave him. I found that a bit creepy. :-S

Sounds like your boyfriend responded well and you don't seem to have anything to worry about! :-)
Reply 14
One day he might feel confident to throw it all out. I wouldn't worry too much
Reply 15
Thanks for all your helpful and reassuring responses.
I guess what worried me the most is not that he had material "things" from her, i.e. teddies, clothes etc, it was more that the things had no intrinsic value in themselves, so it was clearly the emotion he was keeping them for.

I trust him entirely, don't get me wrong, that concept is just a little scary.
I keep everything, regardless of how I feel.

Edit: Just realised this makes me sound like I have Diogenes syndrome, but I don't know, it seems silly to me to throw things out just because you aren't going out with a person anymore. It is, if anything, a memoir of the good times you spent together. It doesn't mean the feelings are still present, or undermining the efforts of your current partner. You don't throw away gifts from friends/parents, and I don't see why partner stuff should be any different. They can be kept in a drawer, but not thrown away
(edited 11 years ago)
I keep everything I have been given by my exes. Even if we aren't together now it doesn't mean we didn't have a great relationship when we were going out. Like any big part of your life, it's nice to have reminders of that time. When you have a new partner it doesn't mean you have to pretend you didn't really like your old ones.

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