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What Does This Mean?
Ok, this is a tricky situation, and i'll try to give as much info as i can without allowing myself to go on too much.
It involves a guy I met 14 months ago. We met while I was on a gap year, and I already had my place at Oxford waiting for me that September. We got n really well and had so much in common. Early on in the relationship, I fell pregnant with his baby. I'm 20 and had leukaemia as a child. Due to the extensive chemotherapy I'd received, the doctor's were almost certain I'd be infertile as an adult. This remains the opinion; several oncologists and gynacologists have since told me that i'd be unlikely to have children in the future. My boyfriend wanted nothing to do with the child, and made it clear that it was my decision, not his, to progress with it. I'd like to point ouyt that I'm highly ambitious, and am currently happy and content in Oxford, and that I made the right decision to abort the baby. I mention this as it is something of a conflict in my life; and has given me a different outlook on life to that of my friend's.
We got back together during the sumer shortly before I went to University, before splitting again in October. We never spoke of what happened, he never raised the subject. The split was short-lived and we started seeing each other again from November-early December. Before Christmas, he'd started to behave really nastily towards me and was clearly quite resentful. This was when he'd say things to imply that he see other girls, although he'd always laugh it off by saying that he was joking. This is something I wont tolerate, and although I'm sure he hasnt been seeing other girls, the way he was treating me made me miserable. It seemed as though he was keeping something from me, and that this was making him behave in this way. I sent him a text message to call off our relatiuonship and suggested that we delete each others numbers. He then text me a couple of days before christmas to wish me a happy christmas and new year etc. He then text me on new years eve. I clearly couldnt resist the temptation, and text him, merely asking if he'd had a good new year and asking as to his mothers health. She isnt well and is awaiting a kidney transplant. Anyway, we ended up seeing each other again, although werent strictly 'together'. Had he asked, I would certainly have been. We stopped seeing each other when I returned back to Oxford after the holidays. I went to New York shortly after, for a week, and text him when I got back, asking how he was. He replied that it was 'none of your business'. I asked if he'd like to meet up that evening, and he told me that he was 'now in a relationship' so couldnt. I suppose we were merely 'bed buddies' (i hate similar terms, so i'll go with that one) so It wasnt as though he'd done anything terrible. I replied with a message telling him that I wanted him to be happy and that i hoped it went well with this new girl, and that I hoped his mother would receive the transplant that she needed. And besides, there was a guy in my college who'd invited me out for drinks. I know him fairly well, and i've since been seeing a lot of him, and it's clearly progressing into something. As far as my ex was concerned, I was 'kind of seeing someone' as i'd put it.
I honestly thought this would be the last time I'd speak to him. HOWEVER, this is where my dilemma begins. He text me on Thursday, 5 weeks later, asking ''how are you''. After I had responded and reciprocated the question, he asked me to send him a picture! I didnt. He text me again on Saturday asking ''where's that picture then''. I replied telling him that he's really something else, because i genuiely was surprised. wasn't much he could say so he just replied with '' ok sugar, take care''.
Basically.. what on earth is this all about? May I stress that he isnt an idiot. He's a successful stockbroker thats five years older than me, so we aren't a silly pair of kids. I utterly adore him, and will always do so. Why is he doing this and is there anything I should do in terms of a course of action? Really not sure how I feel, but I certainly know that this has really occupied my mind since thursday.
Any interpretations on his behaviour/the situation appreciated. Many thanks in advance x
It involves a guy I met 14 months ago. We met while I was on a gap year, and I already had my place at Oxford waiting for me that September. We got n really well and had so much in common. Early on in the relationship, I fell pregnant with his baby. I'm 20 and had leukaemia as a child. Due to the extensive chemotherapy I'd received, the doctor's were almost certain I'd be infertile as an adult. This remains the opinion; several oncologists and gynacologists have since told me that i'd be unlikely to have children in the future. My boyfriend wanted nothing to do with the child, and made it clear that it was my decision, not his, to progress with it. I'd like to point ouyt that I'm highly ambitious, and am currently happy and content in Oxford, and that I made the right decision to abort the baby. I mention this as it is something of a conflict in my life; and has given me a different outlook on life to that of my friend's.
We got back together during the sumer shortly before I went to University, before splitting again in October. We never spoke of what happened, he never raised the subject. The split was short-lived and we started seeing each other again from November-early December. Before Christmas, he'd started to behave really nastily towards me and was clearly quite resentful. This was when he'd say things to imply that he see other girls, although he'd always laugh it off by saying that he was joking. This is something I wont tolerate, and although I'm sure he hasnt been seeing other girls, the way he was treating me made me miserable. It seemed as though he was keeping something from me, and that this was making him behave in this way. I sent him a text message to call off our relatiuonship and suggested that we delete each others numbers. He then text me a couple of days before christmas to wish me a happy christmas and new year etc. He then text me on new years eve. I clearly couldnt resist the temptation, and text him, merely asking if he'd had a good new year and asking as to his mothers health. She isnt well and is awaiting a kidney transplant. Anyway, we ended up seeing each other again, although werent strictly 'together'. Had he asked, I would certainly have been. We stopped seeing each other when I returned back to Oxford after the holidays. I went to New York shortly after, for a week, and text him when I got back, asking how he was. He replied that it was 'none of your business'. I asked if he'd like to meet up that evening, and he told me that he was 'now in a relationship' so couldnt. I suppose we were merely 'bed buddies' (i hate similar terms, so i'll go with that one) so It wasnt as though he'd done anything terrible. I replied with a message telling him that I wanted him to be happy and that i hoped it went well with this new girl, and that I hoped his mother would receive the transplant that she needed. And besides, there was a guy in my college who'd invited me out for drinks. I know him fairly well, and i've since been seeing a lot of him, and it's clearly progressing into something. As far as my ex was concerned, I was 'kind of seeing someone' as i'd put it.
I honestly thought this would be the last time I'd speak to him. HOWEVER, this is where my dilemma begins. He text me on Thursday, 5 weeks later, asking ''how are you''. After I had responded and reciprocated the question, he asked me to send him a picture! I didnt. He text me again on Saturday asking ''where's that picture then''. I replied telling him that he's really something else, because i genuiely was surprised. wasn't much he could say so he just replied with '' ok sugar, take care''.
Basically.. what on earth is this all about? May I stress that he isnt an idiot. He's a successful stockbroker thats five years older than me, so we aren't a silly pair of kids. I utterly adore him, and will always do so. Why is he doing this and is there anything I should do in terms of a course of action? Really not sure how I feel, but I certainly know that this has really occupied my mind since thursday.
Any interpretations on his behaviour/the situation appreciated. Many thanks in advance x
Anonymous
Basically.. what on earth is this all about? May I stress that he isnt an idiot. He's a successful stockbroker thats five years older than me, so we aren't a silly pair of kids. I utterly adore him, and will always do so. Why is he doing this and is there anything I should do in terms of a course of action? Really not sure how I feel, but I certainly know that this has really occupied my mind since thursday.
Affairs of the heart are no respectors of the intellectual prowess of those involved. Personally this sounds like bad business to me and you are best off leaving it in the past. There are a great many successful people I know in finance that are total ********s when it comes to relationships.
Hmm...sounds to me as though he's getting a bit bored so has decided to start texting you again. You say he isnt an idiot, and ok with regards to his career he might not be, but seriously luv any guy who behaves like the way he has IS an idiot, emotionally speaking.
Ive been in a similar situation myself, I hadnt heard from the girl for a while and as far as I knew she was seeing someone else, then out of the blue she started texting asking if I still thought bout her n stuff like that. It messed my head right up, and also got my hopes up, I would have got back with her in a heart beat, but in the end I realised she just wanted to know if I still fancied her to satisfy her own ego. Its very creul, and even the most intelligent people can behave like this.
I still think about her, and even though she put me through a lot I actually still love her, but Ive excepted that it just wasnt meant to be. I havnt seen or heard from her for 3 years nows.
Your only young and from the sounds of it pretty independant, strong willed and level headed. Best thing for you to do is turn that page in your life and move, it wont be easy but whats the alternative, getting messed about by the sounds of it.
Anyway thats just my opinion, im sure you'll do the right thing.
Ive been in a similar situation myself, I hadnt heard from the girl for a while and as far as I knew she was seeing someone else, then out of the blue she started texting asking if I still thought bout her n stuff like that. It messed my head right up, and also got my hopes up, I would have got back with her in a heart beat, but in the end I realised she just wanted to know if I still fancied her to satisfy her own ego. Its very creul, and even the most intelligent people can behave like this.
I still think about her, and even though she put me through a lot I actually still love her, but Ive excepted that it just wasnt meant to be. I havnt seen or heard from her for 3 years nows.
Your only young and from the sounds of it pretty independant, strong willed and level headed. Best thing for you to do is turn that page in your life and move, it wont be easy but whats the alternative, getting messed about by the sounds of it.
Anyway thats just my opinion, im sure you'll do the right thing.
I can see you're trying to open a whole new can of worms here. Miraculously? Perhaps. I wasn't prepared to have the child for the sake of it, 'just incase' I wasn't lucky enough for it to hapen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
Anonymous
I can see you're trying to open a whole new can of worms here. Miraculously? Perhaps. I wasn't prepared to have the child for the sake of it, 'just incase' I wasn't lucky enough for it to hapen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
Arguably, it was selfLESS, if not altrustic, of you to abort given the circumstances, - anyway, this is going to stir up 'at what stage is the foetus a living thing' debate, thats another debate all together. Arguably, an honourable, justified decision, but it must have been hard for you nevertheless. From your story however, he sounds like a horrible, pathetic creature...so you're best to rid yourself of him ASAP. In a perverse sense, the existence of 'men' like him reassure me that i'm personally a very decent bloke...why do women want to put up with rubbish like him? Women can be equally horrific too.
Anonymous
I can see you're trying to open a whole new can of worms here. Miraculously? Perhaps. I wasn't prepared to have the child for the sake of it, 'just incase' I wasn't lucky enough for it to hapen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
It's easy to assume someone's intentions; but it really wasn't as clear-cut as merely proceeding with an 'abortion'. The fact that I would want to bring a child up within a loving environment with both parents outweighed my selfishness in going ahead with it incase it didn't happen again.
I see what you mean having a child in a relationship with both parents loving each other ideal for everyone, but nobody at our age really thinks soo much into having children simply because alot of us are just kids/yound adults ourself. Its hard to imagine the possibility of not having children unless you are put in the position in where that is a possibility.
I'm not sure about this guy, you say he isn't an idiot not that i am not agreeing with you but he seems to have messed you about abit, you seemed too really like this guy and it will be hard to get over him. Just stay as friends that way you still get to share good company with him but also are waiting for the 'one' to come along that will be suited to you.
Good Luck with everything
this so spookily reminds me of a situation with my ex.
i know this is entirely different, but at one point i was sure i was pregnant and he made it clear that he didn't care - as in he ignored me, and even shouted at me on the phone when i called up to say i was worried. i had to take a pregnancy test on my own, and he never even apologised.
apart from this, over a year we had an on and off thing, and if he was bored he would text me a lot. but it never lasted. he always got bored, and in the end i was very very hurt. i still am now.
my advice is to find somebody else. you have a lot of history and bad feelings with this guy. i really think you'll be happier when you find somebody more worthwhile.
i know this is entirely different, but at one point i was sure i was pregnant and he made it clear that he didn't care - as in he ignored me, and even shouted at me on the phone when i called up to say i was worried. i had to take a pregnancy test on my own, and he never even apologised.
apart from this, over a year we had an on and off thing, and if he was bored he would text me a lot. but it never lasted. he always got bored, and in the end i was very very hurt. i still am now.
my advice is to find somebody else. you have a lot of history and bad feelings with this guy. i really think you'll be happier when you find somebody more worthwhile.
Because when this behaviour comes almost from no-where and seems so out of character, one tends to only associate that person with the way in which they usually behave. Hope that sufficiently answers your question
Anonymous
Because when this behaviour comes almost from no-where and seems so out of character, one tends to only associate that person with the way in which they usually behave. Hope that sufficiently answers your question
Even if it seems so 'out of character' and 'coming from no-where', it's still behaviour in his character....there's no denying that.
You can't excuse his behaviour, and you can't excuse your stupidity for contemplating staying close to him, be that on a friendship basis or 'screw'-buddie basis.
Anonymous
You are a male, so it's difficult for you to understand this concept. I'd estimate that probably ninety-nine out of one-hundred females are naturally maternal. It's been very difficult to accept this when having children would otherwise have featured very heavily on my life plan.
Oh dear oh dear, I know it wasnt said to me but I actually find it quite insulting that you would say such a thing as though it goes for ALL men. There are plenty of women out there that wouldnt understand this so called 'concept' too, and plenty of men that would, like me and Im assuming law
ortal too.Im not meaning to have a go, but pleased dont tar all men with the same brush. For the record I completely understand your decision and can see that you did what was best. However it does seem as though you do have issues with 'men', maybe im wrong, but if im not please dont judge us all as one.
Anywho hope things work out for you.
Oh n sorry for having a moan
You said that you adore him... this may well be the problem. if he knows you feel that way about him then he will also expect you to pander to him (and reply to demands for photos etc). He seems to be using you as an ego-boost and amusment. I think you sound like a very strong and level-heded person and to have dealt with the things you have so far is admirable. I suggest that you don't let this guy bring you down. You are worth much more than that. Even if you do still love him, its possible to love someone and know they're not right for you...
Good luck
Good luck
i would say give him a second chance...but he seemed to have wasted that along with a third and fourth. he obviously doesnt care as much for you as you do for him, if he did then he would have stayed with you when you found you were pregnant. you really need to cut the contact with him, change your number if necessary. this may sound harsh but each time he is sucking you back he is not only confusing you but hurting you. you need to continue on with your life without him.
you could try to be just friends but that never works, you will end up getting back with him however hard you try and it will just go back to the beginning which is wasting your life and your time.
i hope it works out
you could try to be just friends but that never works, you will end up getting back with him however hard you try and it will just go back to the beginning which is wasting your life and your time.
i hope it works out
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