The Student Room Group

I cant stop thinking about her.

I have known a girl for quite a while now. We were friends as soon as we met. I have become extremely attracted to her on every level; this is a problem due to her having a bf. I know she likes me a lot and possibly in that way but im not sure. She has done many things that leave me to believe that she feels the same way (which I shall not mention as it would be a give away encase she uses this). Obviously I can’t really talk to her about my feelings as she has a BF :frown:.

It is a bit of a predicament and I don’t really know what to do except wait and hope. My friends think that I have a chance with her but at the moment I don’t really have a clue.

Any suggestions?
Aww :frown: not a nice situation to be in, I used to be in the same position. I really liked this guy who had a gf and he did make it kinda clear he liked me and I just sat there and waited for months and he woulnd't leave his gf and it was a waste of my time. In the end a better guy came along and asked me out and I said yes :smile:
So in my opinion although you really do like her, don't just hope and wait, it may never happen and you might be missing out on someone better near you
Godd luck though
Reply 2
Anonymous
I have known a girl for quite a while now. We were friends as soon as we met. I have become extremely attracted to her on every level; this is a problem due to her having a bf. I know she likes me a lot and possibly in that way but im not sure. She has done many things that leave me to believe that she feels the same way (which I shall not mention as it would be a give away encase she uses this). Obviously I can’t really talk to her about my feelings as she has a BF :frown:.

It is a bit of a predicament and I don’t really know what to do except wait and hope. My friends think that I have a chance with her but at the moment I don’t really have a clue.

Any suggestions?




if you really like her, you could always try it on with her anyway.

You could work by the principle that if her and her boyfriend are truely ment to be together, she wont cheat and she'll tell you how much she cares for her boyfriend, which will give you closure to move on.

If she does cheat, you shouldnt feel guilty as there was obviously something wrong in her and her boyfriends relationship to start with. And its better to both of them that they found it out sooner rather than later!
Reply 3
El Scotto

if you really like her, you could always try it on with her anyway.

You could work by the principle that if her and her boyfriend are truely ment to be together, she wont cheat and she'll tell you how much she cares for her boyfriend, which will give you closure to move on.

If she does cheat, you shouldnt feel guilty as there was obviously something wrong in her and her boyfriends relationship to start with. And its better to both of them that they found it out sooner rather than later!


i like your logic!
Reply 4
Anonymous
i like your logic!



so go for it. listen to your friends, they think you've got a chance. I'd say take it.
Hmm. Well I'm kind of in the position of the girl you described (in some ways.) I've been in a relationship with my bf for over a year, I love him very much, and would never cheat on him (if I really felt that attracted to another guy, I'd break up with him first.)
However, its become fairly obvious recently that one of our mutual, male, friends fancies me. I care about the guy a lot, he's one of my best friends, and I suppose if I'm honest with myself, I flirt with him a bit. I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not interested in that way, I've sat him down and told him so, and tried to set him up with other girls, but the mutual flirtation does still continue sometimes.
All I'm saying, is don't take this girls actions to mean too much. If she doesn't realise that you have feelings for her, she might not see anything wrong with harmless flirting, even if she only sees you as a friend.
Secondly, most girls (myself included) will enjoy attention. She might not see it as messing you around, I'm sure she won't mean to hurt you, but its sometimes very hard to think straight when somebody is being nice, and flattering and friendly, its very easy to give them the wrong idea.
I hope things work out for you! xxx
Reply 6
If I was you I guess I'd be wondering why she had not dumped her b/f yet if she liked me so much :confused:

It seems to me that she is to some extent either using you or her b/f:frown: . Surely if she liked you so much she would not stay with her b/f and if she likes her b/f then why is she leading you on? Maybe I'm being a little harsh on her but it is what I honestly think :redface:

If you really still want to be with her after considering this, then the only way to find out where you stand is to ask her. If you're too shy to do this then maybe you ask her friends what they think your chances are. Try to ask someone that isn't going to immediatly tell her what you have asked them. I do appreciate though that someone like this might be hard to find :rolleyes:

I've probably just gone and confused teh situation even futher, but yea I hope I helped :cool:
Reply 7
How about thinking about her MENSTRUATING?
Reply 8
shinyhappy
Hmm. Well I'm kind of in the position of the girl you described (in some ways.) I've been in a relationship with my bf for over a year, I love him very much, and would never cheat on him (if I really felt that attracted to another guy, I'd break up with him first.)
However, its become fairly obvious recently that one of our mutual, male, friends fancies me. I care about the guy a lot, he's one of my best friends, and I suppose if I'm honest with myself, I flirt with him a bit. I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not interested in that way, I've sat him down and told him so, and tried to set him up with other girls, but the mutual flirtation does still continue sometimes.
All I'm saying, is don't take this girls actions to mean too much. If she doesn't realise that you have feelings for her, she might not see anything wrong with harmless flirting, even if she only sees you as a friend.
Secondly, most girls (myself included) will enjoy attention. She might not see it as messing you around, I'm sure she won't mean to hurt you, but its sometimes very hard to think straight when somebody is being nice, and flattering and friendly, its very easy to give them the wrong idea.
I hope things work out for you! xxx


Its not flirting that makes me think that she is interested in that way. I flirt with a lot of girls and it means almost nothing. I would love to say but i cant as it would be a dead give away encase she reads this. How did you work out that he fancied you? Did he tell you?
waiting hopeing and looking for someone else all sound like good ideas
Reply 10
envious
If I was you I guess I'd be wondering why she had not dumped her b/f yet if she liked me so much :confused:

It seems to me that she is to some extent either using you or her b/f:frown: . Surely if she liked you so much she would not stay with her b/f and if she likes her b/f then why is she leading you on? Maybe I'm being a little harsh on her but it is what I honestly think :redface:

If you really still want to be with her after considering this, then the only way to find out where you stand is to ask her. If you're too shy to do this then maybe you ask her friends what they think your chances are. Try to ask someone that isn't going to immediatly tell her what you have asked them. I do appreciate though that someone like this might be hard to find :rolleyes:

I've probably just gone and confused teh situation even futher, but yea I hope I helped :cool:


Its not quite that simple as I have not made it clear that I like her that way as it has not been going on for that long. We see each other quite a lot more so than before - her doing mainly. I have a suspicion that she may be just trying to figure me out.

As for talking to her, trust me I am the complete opposite to shy but I don’t want to damage the friendship I have with her.
Reply 11
Pm me.
Anonymous
Its not flirting that makes me think that she is interested in that way. I flirt with a lot of girls and it means almost nothing. I would love to say but i cant as it would be a dead give away encase she reads this. How did you work out that he fancied you? Did he tell you?


He actually told my boyfriend, in a jokey sort of way. He was fairly suspicious, as my friend has in the past fancied the girlfriend of another friend - he tends to fall for girls that he gets to know in a non-threatening way.
Anyway, my boyfriend mentioned it to me, and I started noticing little signs, things like random texts, being overly affectionate etc.
There hasn't exactly been one occasion that he's told me, but its sort of become very very obvious. And other friends just take it as fact now, that he's after me, he's tormented about it. It's meant that I've had to take care to distance myself a little from him, because I'm very attached to him, but I don't want to give him the wrong idea (which I'm sure I do sometimes.)
If you value your friendship with this girl, my personal advice would not to come on too strong. If she really does have feelings for you, it won't last with her boyfriend, and you'll have the chance to leap in and sweep her off her feet! I really do wish you the best of luck with it all, I can see why it would be an awful situation to be in...
xxx
I was once in a similar position as the girl u think about. I had a long-term b/f but also a close male friend who I'd known 4 ages, was close to and really liked. I realised he became attracted to me and found out from a friend that he did like me in deeper way. It complecated things cos deep down I had feeligns for him as we gelled really well, and differently to how i did with my b/f.

But, I was in love with my b/f and not the type of person to cheat or be 2-faced. I couldn't let go of someone who loved me, for my best male friend, as the 2 relationships were so different from eachothr. But the othr main reason was I couldnt bare to lose such a good friendship. If Id acted on my feelings, things may not have turned out well +the friendship would be ruined +never the same again.

We ended up talking about it (me and my best male friend) + really sorted it out, let it out to the open and laughed about it too. There's always going to be something more in our feelings between us, but keeping the friendship is way more important. relationships mostly don't last forever, so think 2 yourself- do you want 2 risk losing her as a best friend forever, just 4 the sake of having a short relationship?

It may be awkward but you sound close, so i suggest to clear your head (+ hers- she may be thinking about it too,), to talk about it, in a relaxed + friendly way, if you get the chance, like say you go out for a drink or sumthing. Good luck :smile:
I think you also need 2 cheer up & not wait in vain for something to happen. Be your oldself with her and enjoy her company as much as poss in the friendly way you used 2 have it. Think of her position-shes in a dificult one as well as she has a b/f & may know you like her but she cant do much about it. Unless your mean you cant interfere with her relationship with her b/f, so not much you can do eitha.
Best thing 2 do would be to talk it over so you know how she feels & what you can both do. If your not shy and have known her a while, it shuldnt be too bad 2 start with. maybe she wants 2 as well& it would make it better for both of you. let us know what happens.
How long have you known eachotha & how often do you meet? Are you able 2 talk 2 her about how you feel?
Reply 16
i just have talked to her on msn (she hasnt been in school for a while). She hasnt replied for about 5 mins.
i say go for it-if she says no-its her loss-lol