Attracted to Another Boy

Right, well I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now, and we are very close and very happy. Just recently though, its been feeling like I take him for granted. It's stupid because I can still tell how much I love him. But its like a bit of the excitement is gone.
At the same time, there is this other guy who I get on with really well. He has a girlfriend too, but we flirt continually. Tonight, we both got really drunk and were dancing and stuff at this party, crazy dancing at first and then as we got drunker slower and slower. Very sexily. I know I like him and I know he likes me, but is this lust as opposed to love? I know I would never do anthing but I kind of like the attention, the thrill of his mouth being close to mine. But at the end of the day it is my boyfriend who will come up at 5am to hold back my hair when I'm being sick.
Argh, it's so annoying. Is this a common thing?

Reply 1

anjurdsg

11

You dont love your boyfriend anymore....all you're feeling for him is the "attachment", or the sense of security that you have someone in life...

You're attracted to another boy...it's perfectly ok...

But I suggest you reconsider the relationship with your boyfriend... Do you REALLY love him now? If you sit down on a friday night and think about whether you REALLY love him, you probably dont...

My advice would be to end it with him... coz I can tell that this will not last long...but again, I'm speaking through a personal experience...

Consider the other new guy as well...is he good enough to be in a relationship with? You dont wanna try jumping from your bf to another guy, and land in a pile of sludge in middle...

Jus think about it...

Reply 2

Jonatan

13

anjurdsg

You dont love your boyfriend anymore....all you're feeling for him is the "attachment", or the sense of security that you have someone in life...

You're attracted to another boy...it's perfectly ok...

But I suggest you reconsider the relationship with your boyfriend... Do you REALLY love him now? If you sit down on a friday night and think about whether you REALLY love him, you probably dont...

My advice would be to end it with him... coz I can tell that this will not last long...but again, I'm speaking through a personal experience...

Consider the other new guy as well...is he good enough to be in a relationship with? You dont wanna try jumping from your bf to another guy, and land in a pile of sludge in middle...

Jus think about it...

You are jumping to conclusions. The OP merely said it felt as if some of the excitement was gone. Thats fairly normal when relationships start lasting and saying "you probably don't love him anymore" well, thats just inconsiderate in my opinion.

To the OP, you seem happy with who you are with. It happens that you find other people atractive as well, its not your fault and it will happen no matter who you are dating. Try to focus about how you feel about your boyfriend. Do you want it to last with him? Are you happy with him? I'm not saying you should stick with him if you don't love him anymore, but if you are happy being with him then there really isn't any reason to worry a lot about finding some other person atractive. As you said, you would never do anything beyond that. Also, as a general tip, if you feel confused its probably a good idea not to flirt with other guys... You know, don't make the situatuation more confusing than it already is...

Reply 3

Sweet Adeline

I agree, difficult as it is to accept, you may not love him any more.

All long term relationships go through rough patches, but you haven't mentioned any real reason for this to happen. Something like a lot of stress, a new job, loads of things could make you feel distant, but just feeling like you don't love him as much, and being attracted to another boy, suggests that it's probably over.

A very similar thing happened to me with my ex-boyfriend after two years, I was more attached to my lifestyle and the idea of our relationship than I was to him.

It might not definitely be over, you can still make it work, but it sounds like you definitely need to reconsider whether you really want to be with your boyfriend anymore.

Reply 4

Jonatan

13

Am I the only one who thinks these commenst are harsh? You are judging this person's relationship as most likely over based on a 6 line summary. Gee, no wonder divorce rates are high if people conclude a relationship is over on the slightest indication that there might in fact be more than one person in the world you find atractive. Ok, maybe the OP will decide its time to end it, but that must be down to personal feelings. Telling someone their relationship is probably over without even knowing what the person in question want is just inconsiderate imo. Just suppose for a second that the OP decided to try to work it out, what will it be like having a bunch of posts saying its probably over in the back of your head then? No seriously, fact of the matter is noone here can know how the OP feels and what this particular relationship is like, what we can know however is that it is quite common that people feel like this after having been together for some time, yet still end up living together for years. We don't have much of a basis for telling the OP what to do with a relationship, but we can advice taking some time to think things through.

Reply 5

anjurdsg

11

Am I the only one who thinks these commenst are harsh?

Yes.

Embrace the truth. If a woman doesnt feel attraction for a guy anymore, that's it...he's done for... NOTHING he does will convince the woman otherwise... and relationships without attraction turn very very nasty indeed... The woman, wanting to fulfill her sexual desires, will cheat on her boyfriend and have sex with someone she's attracted to.

That's why I say it's time to end it.

Live it, love it

Reply 6

wednesburywench

2

no honestly, the people commenting are true, she probebly doesnt love him like that anymore, she can love him in a friendly way because of how well she knows him etc you know! It happened to me and my boyfriend last month after nearly 4 years, i was upset, devastated, but now i realise he was right, and now we have a great friendship, and i still love him the same, just it is in a friendly way.

Reply 7

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

Give your bf a chance. Avoid him with the gf, he's no good! Stick with your bf, and at least you can say you gave it a go.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

anjurdsg

You dont love your boyfriend anymore....all you're feeling for him is the "attachment", or the sense of security that you have someone in life...

You're attracted to another boy...it's perfectly ok...

But I suggest you reconsider the relationship with your boyfriend... Do you REALLY love him now? If you sit down on a friday night and think about whether you REALLY love him, you probably dont...

My advice would be to end it with him... coz I can tell that this will not last long...but again, I'm speaking through a personal experience...

Consider the other new guy as well...is he good enough to be in a relationship with? You dont wanna try jumping from your bf to another guy, and land in a pile of sludge in middle...

Jus think about it...

I don't agree with this at all! I was in the same situation a year ago, i had been with my bf two and a half years and a new lad started work at my work. I fell for his charms and everything instantly. When you have been in a relationship for so long, anybody elses attention seems brilliant. I have never and never would cheat on my bf, but i got carried away with this lad and his texts and flirting etc, until one day i had to spill to my bf.

I had been taking him for granted for ages and only when he threatened to split up with me did i realise that i had been a complete idiot! I knew i loved him because i couldn't bear to be without him and the thought of us splitting up nearly killed me. I cannot believe now that i had been as stupid as i had and had nearly risked my relationship, just because i enjoyed the attention. Me and my bf started doing more things together, going out more etc, making sure we had atleast one kiss a day. Maybe you and your bf have just lost the excitement and this lad is making you remember what you and your bf once had??

Reply 9

Lib

10

anjurdsg

Yes.

Embrace the truth. If a woman doesnt feel attraction for a guy anymore, that's it...he's done for... NOTHING he does will convince the woman otherwise... and relationships without attraction turn very very nasty indeed... The woman, wanting to fulfill her sexual desires, will cheat on her boyfriend and have sex with someone she's attracted to.

That's why I say it's time to end it.

Live it, love it

TBH, you just sound like a bad experience has made you rather bitter. That's a pretty massive generalisation!

To the OP... Even if you're prepared to end your relationship for this other guy, are you sure that he would do the same? Gotta be careful that he doesn't think it's 'safe' to flirt with you because you've got a boyfriend and he's got a girlfriend and really he isn't as interested as it might seem... Either way, give it a while. If you're still feeling that you'd rather be with someone else after a period of weeks/months/whatever then clearly it's not meant to be with your current bloke.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

In the cold light of day its all different - I know that I love my boyfriend, I would never even contemplate splitting up with him for this other guy. I feel a bit ashamed actually for my blatant flirtage last night. I think its just that I like the attention and the excitment of something forbidden, and I've always been a huge flirt, maybe I'm just having flirting withdrawel lol.
I definitely would never split up with my boyfriend over this, it would have to be something far more serious. In fact, I'm not sure I can ever envision us splitting up.

Reply 11

bluedreamer

1

I’m the same. Huge flirt, and love the attention, regardless if I have a bf or not. But it does not mean I would ever leave him. And the flirting is always harmless, I’ve never let it get too serious so far :ninja:

Attracted to Another Boy

Related discussions

Articles for you