The Student Room Group

Mechanical sex

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2 years, but since i moved in with him a little while ago, sex as become pretty mechanical...

We don't seem to do it much, and when we do, it just doesnt have the passion and excitement that it used to have. Now im not unrealistic... i know it cat always be like that, but i want it to be how it used to be.

I dont really know what to do about it. He's not particularly romantic and he rarely kisses me any more to be honest. I feel lie we've lost the spark. Although i still love him so much, i want that spark back.

I dont think "trying new things" is going to help - we've done pretty much everything and anything you could sugest (well, apart from anything like bondage or fetishy stuff etc but im not interested in that).

Know anything that could help?
Reply 1
Grab him and kiss him before he leaves the house in the morning. Have sex less but build it up more, i.e little touches throughout the day (not rude ones!) and flirting just to build up the anticipation. Maybe "accidently" be getting ready and wondering around in a pair of heels and underwear, just to catch his eye. Um, quality over quantity? I'm not sure but if you didn't do it for a little bit but did everything else it would make it seem quite new again? I've neer lived with someone (tender years and all that!) but I would imagine it's because you both have "sex on tap" now, so maybe it's less novel. It does not mean anything is lacking/ a miss in your relationship.
Reply 2
Tell him that you don't find sex as good any more.

You should really talk to him before it puts strain on the relationship.
Reply 3
I actually agree with Zooropa - just tell him. :smile: Have a long talk about it on a nice evening.
Reply 4
johnnysgirl
Grab him and kiss him before he leaves the house in the morning. Have sex less but build it up more, i.e little touches throughout the day (not rude ones!) and flirting just to build up the anticipation. Maybe "accidently" be getting ready and wondering around in a pair of heels and underwear, just to catch his eye. Um, quality over quantity? I'm not sure but if you didn't do it for a little bit but did everything else it would make it seem quite new again? I've neer lived with someone (tender years and all that!) but I would imagine it's because you both have "sex on tap" now, so maybe it's less novel. It does not mean anything is lacking/ a miss in your relationship.


This is some BRILLIANT advice...

If this doesnt bring back the "spark", I think you should seriously reconsider the relationship... Maybe you really dont love each other anymore... And whatever "love" you're feeling for him now is not love but purely attachment, nothing else...Just talk to him and see evaluate your relationship...If both sides agree, break it off... But again, this is only if the above advice by johnnysgirl doesnt work...

Or you could just carry on like this, maybe? Until things just happen by themselves? I dunno...
Reply 5
You don't need to try new things, but maybe you need to inroduce a bit of variety, it can still be things you've done before. If you want sex then intiate it when he's not expecting it, don't wait for bed to have sex. Send him text messages when he's out telling him what you want to do to hiim, i'm sure he would come and rip your clothes off. Be waiting for him in something sexy. There's loads you can do.

You should tell him that you want more kisses and cuddles and that you're missing the sex that you used to have. xx
this happened to me and my boyfriend after 3 and half years, and not long ago he split up with me because of it, but it took him a few months to admit to himself that he didnt love me in that way anymore, just as a friendy love cus we had been together so long. Maybe the same thing as happened to u, altho its really hard to distinguish from whether you love him or its just friendy type love. It may be hard but you need to decide, I couldnt accept it at first, but now I realise he was probebly right.
Reply 7
I definately wouldn't tell him... unless you want to freak him out, make him feel it's his fault and ruin his sexual confidence...
Reply 8
this happened to me and my boyfriend after 3 and half years

just on the other post you said four years ...

lmao...sorry...i love playing devil's advocate but i get carried away
anjurdsg
just on the other post you said four years ...

lmao...sorry...i love playing devil's advocate but i get carried away


3 and a half or 4 - not a big difference really. Oh and that's not playing devil's advocate, the techincal term is "being an idiot".

To the OP: I wouldn't tell him. Just go for a meal out and go to the toilets together and do it in there, or outside when the weather gets better, or just try some new stuff, buy some lingerie etc. Originality is the key.
Reply 10
englishstudent
go to the toilets together and do it in there

...romantic...:biggrin:
Reply 11
I thought this thread was going to be related to J.G Ballard's 'Crash'.
Reply 12
3 and a half or 4 - not a big difference really. Oh and that's not playing devil's advocate, the techincal term is "being an idiot".


oh yeah sorry, that was an accidental slip of the tongue

and yes, toilets are a good place
Reply 13
Have you got into a routine? Come home, sit around a bit, have dinner, go to bed? Because different people find themselves erm... shall we say.. sexually charged at different times. I know by bed time I usually like to be getting ready to sleep, not geared up. How about going back to doing things during the day, in the morning, as soon as you wake up, in the shower, before dinner, (stuff the dinner!!) to see if that helps? Be sexual in different places, grab him and kiss him in the kitchen, push him up against a wall in an empty road as you walk along. That kind of thing :smile: if you do it, he'll realise how good it as and want to do it too. Sometimes you don't know if the other person is up for that sort of thing or has gone off it?
Pretty Boy
DDT him and line him up for a suplex.

Come again?
Reply 15
englishstudent
Come again?


Wrestling.
Reply 16
zooropa
Tell him that you don't find sex as good any more.

You should really talk to him before it puts strain on the relationship.

Haha so that when it does happen you feel awkward and self-conscious about it?

I don't think it is a good idea, and could do a lot more harm to your relationship than good. He could feel pretty insulted if you put it like that so I'd suggest if you were to talk about it at all, it should be more subtle.
Reply 17
blissy
stuff the dinner!!


Do what with it now?

Well, that'd certainly be, erm, original...
Pretty Boy
WWE moves.

:yy:

:rolleyes: