The Student Room Group

Regretting my past

I've fallen head over heels for my boyfriend and we want to get married. Except...he doesn't have much of a past and I do. I've had a few one night stands and lots of boyfriends. I really regret it, but he loves me anyway, and knows that I've made mistakes and they didn't matter. I never thought I'd find someone I'd want to be with forever so I just lived for the moment (most of which were drunken). How do I forget my past? I've cut off all the boyfriends who were dicks; deleted their phone numbers and when they have texted me I've told them not to contact me. But my mind drifts to the past and I feel ******. How can I forget it and realise that if my future husband thinks it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter?

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Reply 1
You can't forget the past; it's always going to be there and it's something that's a part of you. Just take it as one of life's many learning experiences and move on from there.
Reply 2
"The past is past and we cannot take it back" - great escape//guster. But seriously... the past has made you who you are, and you can't change it. Just make sure you give yourself time to heal, and be very communicative with your boyfriend/fiance.
Reply 3
Hey, you've acknowledged that you made a mistake and it's time to forgive yourself! Your boyfriend sounds great and you should counsel yourself with the fact that he loves you regardless.
We all have skeletons in the closet, right??

Ive done loads of stuff I'm not proud of, but I'm all the wiser because of them. Nobody needs to know about my past and I have no obligation to disclose anything to anyone, I'm just safe in the knowledge that I am who I am because of it.

Besides, when I'm too old to have fun and too crazy things I'd be kicking myself for not doing them. :smile:
Reply 5
He is amazing, we've even planned to have children together (something I never thought I'd do). I guess marrying him will be giving him something special (never thought I'd get married either). Are there any ways I could show him how much he means to me? Apart from the usual? I'm not very imaginative :redface:
Reply 6
no point in regretting the past. it's gone, it's over and you can't change it, so you have to move on.
the thing is, you are happy now and that is all that matters. it doesn't matter whether you have more of a dating history than your boyfriend. the point is you have each other, and as long as you make each other happy, it doesn't matter how many skeletons are in your closet.. :smile:
if you want to show him how much he means to you, bake him a nice big cake.. always remember,the way to a guys heart is through his stomach...
Reply 7
i dunno. you cant change it, so just live with it. he's done all he can to get himself over it.

i think the only thing that is a barrier is if you havent told him the whole truth. if you sit him down, clearly and calmy say you have had X one night stands, Y boyfriends and Z f**k friends, and let him ask about them if he wants.
you dont know, he might feel better to confess a few other grilrs too.

i think you gotta have trust, and tell him everything is the only way. if you have and he understands and accepts it all then greta! marry him!! *hears wedding bells*
Reply 8
What do you mean "real skeletons"? What are they gonna be, imaginary?? :confused:

I have told him everything :smile: And he's told me everything.

Cake sounds like a good idea. I'm a rubbish cook, but I bought him chocolate cake yesterday actually and he loved it :smile:
Reply 9
Pretty Boy
Shiny, you said a bad word.

God won't be pleased!:p:


Didn't know God disapproved of swearing...
Reply 10
Pretty Boy
Just be thankful he doesn't care.


:dito:
Reply 11
i'm confused about the skeletons thing.. you people are strange..

of course when someone says 'skeletons in the closet' they are speaking metaphorically.

wooh nerd.
Reply 12
lol

ok well if the guy knows, why exctly do you feel so bad?
if your boyfriend knows, and doesn't have a problem with it, surely that's a relief? The past is the past, it's over and done with, and doesn't need to be raked over again and again. Leave what you did in the past there - drag it up again and again and it may become a problem
Reply 14
pumpkin7
of course when someone says 'skeletons in the closet' they are speaking metaphorically.

you're a smart one.
Anonymous
I've cut off all the boyfriends who were dicks


My mind filtered out a couple of the words in that sentence the first time I read it! :eek:
Reply 16
You can't really change the past hun. Just be grateful that you've come around and vow to make the future better. Why do you think he's forgiven you? Think about what you would feel in the opposite position. If you met him and he were the one with the past, wouldn't you forgive? Why? Think about those things.
Apricot Fairy
My mind filtered out a couple of the words in that sentence the first time I read it! :eek:

LMAO @ Apricot, yeah I had to re-read that bit carefully :biggrin:
Reply 18
Never regret your past actions. By regretting you are causing yourself to express hatred towards yourself, one of the three evils. Therefore you will get a bad karmic response and you will continue to suffer not only now but in future rebirths by being trapped inside samsara.

Sorry ive just been doing and essay on karma and that was one of the last points i made
Your past is gone,never regret it.
Everyone may did a mistake,but it was our decision,
we should be responsible it.