The Student Room Group

Engagement Ring Strife

So, my boyfriend said he might propose around results day this year. And there is no question of my answer, BUT we have had disagreements over the source of the ring.

I am quite well off and could afford the ring of my dreams, but whenever I broach the subject of me paying for it, he gets defensive and upset. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored and loved.

Who should back down on this? Should I? Or does anyone have any advice on how to get him round to my side?

Thank you for any help.

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Reply 1
Talya
So, my boyfriend said he might propose around results day this year. And there is no question of my answer, BUT we have had disagreements over the source of the ring.

I am quite well off and could afford the ring of my dreams, but whenever I broach the subject of me paying for it, he gets defensive and upset. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored and loved.

Who should back down on this? Should I? Or does anyone have any advice on how to get him round to my side?

Thank you for any help.

No offence, but you seem a bit ungrateful. You should be thrilled that he wants to propose to you and buy/choose the ring himself, despite the fact that he's not as well off as you. I'd love anything my bf got for me, not just because he's able to choose the kind of things I like, but for the emotional significance. You seem to think that he's going to choose something you hate - if he's the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, why don't you trust him to choose something you like?
Talya
So, my boyfriend said he might propose around results day this year. And there is no question of my answer, BUT we have had disagreements over the source of the ring.

I am quite well off and could afford the ring of my dreams, but whenever I broach the subject of me paying for it, he gets defensive and upset. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored and loved.

Who should back down on this? Should I? Or does anyone have any advice on how to get him round to my side?

Thank you for any help.


In the grand scheme of things the ring is pretty insignificant - and you'll have a husband to look at for the rest of your life to both adore and love and make you feel adored and loved....If you are this concerned about a piece of jewellery I'd seriously consider what marriage means to you.

I'm sure he doesn't want you to be unhappy but at the same time if I were him I'd be quite annoyed you were getting so caught up in the jewellery and how much it cost rather than the fact I was about toe ask you to marry me!
Reply 3
Results day? How old are you?
Reply 4
Anonymous
In the grand scheme of things the ring is pretty insignificant - and you'll have a husband to look at for the rest of your life to both adore and love and make you feel adored and loved....If you are this concerned about a piece of jewellery I'd seriously consider what marriage means to you.

I'm sure he doesn't want you to be unhappy but at the same time if I were him I'd be quite annoyed you were getting so caught up in the jewellery and how much it cost rather than the fact I was about toe ask you to marry me!

Indeed, marriage isn't about materialistic things like jewellery. (Don't really see the need to post this as anonymous btw!)
Reply 5
Talya
So, my boyfriend said he might propose around results day this year. And there is no question of my answer, BUT we have had disagreements over the source of the ring.

I am quite well off and could afford the ring of my dreams, but whenever I broach the subject of me paying for it, he gets defensive and upset. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored and loved.

Who should back down on this? Should I? Or does anyone have any advice on how to get him round to my side?

Thank you for any help.


Do you realise how shallow you sound?
Reply 6
sorry, but in my opinion you are far too young to get married..... nuff said
i wouldnt if i was you, you sound really immature, and u are going to university....people change at uni, wait a couple of years if i was u.
Reply 8
Talya
So, my boyfriend said he might propose around results day this year. And there is no question of my answer, BUT we have had disagreements over the source of the ring.

I am quite well off and could afford the ring of my dreams, but whenever I broach the subject of me paying for it, he gets defensive and upset. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored and loved.

Who should back down on this? Should I? Or does anyone have any advice on how to get him round to my side?

Thank you for any help.


Yes you should back down...its not about the actual ring ffs. Also, how do you know he hasnt been saving up for some time? He wants to get something nice for you. If you get it it just wont be the same. Also you dont generally wear the engagement ring for your whole life.
Reply 9
Yeah I agree with other people, it's the fact he wants to marry you that matters, you do sound a bit spoilt and ungrateful. Like someone said he may have been saving up for a ring for you (even more of a sacrifice if he's not so well off). It doesn't matter what ring he gets you, I doubt he'd get something he knows you would hate. Why does it matter about the ring so much, are you bother what other people will say if it's not a giant magnificent ring? I know guys that havent been in the best financial positons get engaged and married and their other halfs were happy and grateful they even got a ring, an engagement ring is not a necessity. If my bf proposed to me I wouldnt even care about the ring!
Reply 10
even if the engagement ring is a shoddy piece of silver/tin alloy with a 0.03 carat shard of glass in it, i'm sure you'd treasure it forever.

just go with the flow, get bought some nice rings when you're married and older and in 40 years time you really will look upon your engagement ring, however cheap it is, with some sort of fondness and nostalgia.
You can always buy yourself a new ring later on in your married life - an eternity ring or something similar - if you really wanted.
Like everybody has said, the ring is about the emotional significance and not necessarily about the carat of the diamond etc. My boyfriend and I are buying my engagement ring next week and I know it will be quite a cheap one but I'm still incredibly excited, because of what it symbolises. I don't care if its cheap as long as its from him and means that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. That's whats important.
Seriously, though, if you've been argueing over the ring, you might want to take a close look at your relationship and decide it its strong enough to handle an engagement.
Reply 12
Rachel
No offence, but you seem a bit ungrateful. You should be thrilled that he wants to propose to you and buy/choose the ring himself, despite the fact that he's not as well off as you. I'd love anything my bf got for me, not just because he's able to choose the kind of things I like, but for the emotional significance. You seem to think that he's going to choose something you hate - if he's the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, why don't you trust him to choose something you like?
:ditto:

Besides, it's not your wedding ring. That one can be more expensive and he'll need one too, so you can pay half there.
Reply 13
Talya
t. However, I feel upset when I think about having to look at a ring for the rest of my life and knowing I could have bought something I would have adored


How bloody ungrateful.
I don't see the problem, get a cheapo ring this time..... then get the ring of your dreams for the next time you're engaged. Statistically you'll probably be having another one anyway, so wait till then for your dream ring I say.:wink: :rolleyes: Look at the positives, at least during the divorce there wont be any squabbling over who gets the ring.....
Reply 15
Seems like the ring's become more of a status symbol than symbolic of the unconditional love you should be sharing if you're getting married. The eternity ring is a good idea...who needs a massive rock at 18 anyway, lol.
Reply 16
Undry1
Results day? How old are you?

18, foo'. And we won't be getting married for a good long time.
Talon
Yes you should back down...its not about the actual ring ffs. Also, how do you know he hasnt been saving up for some time? He wants to get something nice for you. If you get it it just wont be the same. Also you dont generally wear the engagement ring for your whole life.

He doesn't save money ever. I don't want him spending his hard earned cash on me because he needs it for uni, not a dumb ring that I could get myself.
Little Girl Red

Seriously, though, if you've been argueing over the ring, you might want to take a close look at your relationship and decide it its strong enough to handle an engagement.

No arguments. We don't argue. He just seems to get depressed about it. I'm not much bothered because he probably won't end up doing it anyway, but if he does get more serious about it, I'm not sure how to react.

I'm an independent woman and don't feel that I can accept a ring from him because it would taking the money he needs badly (like, to buy food and survive).

I want to be part of the ring-buying process (as many couples do buy rings together) but he insists it should be a surprise for me.
Reply 17
Talya
18, foo'. And we won't be getting married for a good long time.

He doesn't save money ever. I don't want him spending his hard earned cash on me because he needs it for uni, not a dumb ring that I could get myself.

No arguments. We don't argue. He just seems to get depressed about it. I'm not much bothered because he probably won't end up doing it anyway, but if he does get more serious about it, I'm not sure how to react.

I'm an independent woman and don't feel that I can accept a ring from him because it would taking the money he needs badly (like, to buy food and survive).

I want to be part of the ring-buying process (as many couples do buy rings together) but he insists it should be a surprise for me.


Okay then, why don't you compromise? Say, agree that he can pay for it but go looking for a ring together. That way you can find something you love, and make it an activity to share, but he'll still feel all manly and caring for paying for it.
Reply 18
Talya
18, foo'. And we won't be getting married for a good long time.

Then what's the rush to get engaged? You might meet someone else at university.
Reply 19
Or go look at a couple together and hint like 'this is nice, oh or that type' and then he can choose on his own later.