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long distance relationships: do they ever work?

In light of some recent threads... do long distance relationships ever really work? And if they do work... what has to happen? If they don't work, why not?

Reply 1

Knogle

16

They work, but you have to bear with a stratospheric phone bill, be disciplined to avoid 'distractions', and be committed to your partner.

It takes a lot of effort - effort which one too many people faill to put in.

Reply 2

Toy Soldier

3

How long distance, and what are the circumstances? For example, my best friend and his girlfriend were (sort of) long distance for a year - about 200 miles apart. But they had already been together for a year before that.

So do you mean a relationship BECOMING long distance, or starting out that way?

Reply 3

ladygrey

OP

Toy Soldier

How long distance, and what are the circumstances? For example, my best friend and his girlfriend were (sort of) long distance for a year - about 200 miles apart. But they had already been together for a year before that.

So do you mean a relationship BECOMING long distance, or starting out that way?

well, either. I mean, how long do you think a couple has to be together before they can go long distance? Or do they have to be in love? its more of a discussion question.

Reply 4

Toy Soldier

3

ladygrey

well, either. I mean, how long do you think a couple has to be together before they can go long distance? Or do they have to be in love? its more of a discussion question.

It depends on the couple rather than the actal time. If they got together soon after meeting I'd say at least a few months so that they really know each other... but if they;d known each other a while before getting together it could be less. Also, I've seen couples who've been together 6 months that are far more committed than couples who have been together for years. Then it depends on the type of people. Are they likely to get bored? Do they have a high sex drive? Some people say that's no excuse, but it is, some people just need a highly physical relationship. Some can settle with their right hand for a few weeks / months at a time, and can have a perfectly successful relationship by talking on the phone etc. There's no definitive answers, all relationships (and the people in them) are different.

Reply 5

ladygrey

OP

Toy Soldier

It depends on the couple rather than the actal time. If they got together soon after meeting I'd say at least a few months so that they really know each other... but if they;d known each other a while before getting together it could be less. Also, I've seen couples who've been together 6 months that are far more committed than couples who have been together for years. Then it depends on the type of people. Are they likely to get bored? Do they have a high sex drive? Some people say that's no excuse, but it is, some people just need a highly physical relationship. Some can settle with their right hand for a few weeks / months at a time, and can have a perfectly successful relationship by talking on the phone etc. There's no definitive answers, all relationships (and the people in them) are different.

yeah... I mean... I have a lot of friends who had bfs a year older than them (we're all in our last year at college, the boys were first years at uni)... and they've all broken up now. It just makes me worried/curious that even the most loving relationship can't last it out.

Reply 6

Drogue

19

Yes. I know long term relationships where they live 5000 miles apart and it's worked for years. I have a friend getting married after having spent a year living in a different country to his girlfriend. It takes commitment and trust, a tall order, but by no means impossible. And to be honest, commitment and trust are needed for any long term relationship, but being long distance makes it easier to see whether they are there. Many short distance relationships have never had the commitment or trust tested.

Reply 7

ladygrey

OP

Drogue

Yes. I know long term relationships where they live 5000 miles apart and it's worked for years. I have a friend getting married after having spent a year living in a different country to his girlfriend. It takes commitment and trust, a tall order, but by no means impossible. And to be honest, commitment and trust are needed for any long term relationship, but being long distance makes it easier to see whether they are there. Many short distance relationships have never had the commitment or trust tested.

hmmm... thats interesting. Do you think that if a relationship is right, it'll last, no matter the distance, and if its wrong, itll collapse, no matter if you can see each other every day?

Reply 8

Drogue

19

No. I think some relationships work better short distance, and others long distance. Long distance relationships become serious quickly, as when you go to see each other, you stay over with them. However the obvious lack of seeing each other as often can be detrimental.

It being long distance or not has a huge effect on whether or not a relationship works, but it's not always one way. I've had relationships that may have worked had they not been long distance, and one that needed to become long distance for us to realise that it wasn't meant to last.

Reply 9

amie

14

Knogle

They work, but you have to bear with a stratospheric phone bill, be disciplined to avoid 'distractions', and be committed to your partner.

It takes a lot of effort - effort which one too many people faill to put in.

Nope, you just use MSN voice conversations or Skype or something :p:

long distance relationships: do they ever work?

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