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Why Do People Cheat And Does It Have To Be The End?

Hi!

This thread nothing to do with my personal relationship. I don't need advice, but I would like to have a discussion of the reasons why people cheat.

I don't think that people cheat because they don't love each other, sometimes the opposite. I think that often it shows that they don't get enough attention from their partner.

I think that cheating doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship - If the person is sorry and cheating didn't take dirty turn (like all you friends finding out before you), I think it would be possible to move on.

I am only talking about cheating in a long-term relationship, not a guy or a girl who jump everyone they see.

So what are your views?

Reply 1

JaF

1

tanusha-tomsk

I don't think that people cheat because they don't love each other, sometimes the opposite. I think that often it shows that they don't get enough attention from their partner.

I'd agree with that.

Reply 2

pikaboo

13

'Cos we're not naturally monogamous. And for some the temptation just gets too much when the relationship's lost its spark.

Reply 3

Schmokie Dragon

17

As pikaboo said, we are not a monogamous species. Its natural for a male, however much he loves his woman, to want to seek other females to procreate with. Ditto with women, they often want to find the most suitable father for their future children (this is all very subconcious!)

Cheating could be because:

Not enough love in the relationship, leading to needs not being met.

An unsatisfsctory r/ship that the cheating partner feels they cannot escape from

a fundamental lack of decency and respect... etc etc

And no, its doesnt have to be the end. I am with a man I have been with for nearly two years and he cheated on me over a year ago. It was painful, and there was no excuse, but we are still together. It depends how you view eachother and what the offending party has actualy done.

Reply 4

pugnacious

Because men are all bastards. *cries*

Reply 5

so_this_is_sam

3

Cheating shows you arent happy with something in the relationship. If you find yourself contemplating cheating, or actually cheating on your girl/boyfriend than it shows there are issues that are needed to be dealt with. Sometimes it will be the end, because the trust has gone from the relationship, but I do also think that it can bring problems out into the open which can then be solved

Reply 6

bluedreamer

1

If I ever cheated, it’d be because I want, need and desire loads of attention :p:

it makes me feel good and builds up my self esteem. I feel special, wanted maybe even needed. It’s a quick fix, I suppose. Though not permanent.

But I have to say, if I resorted to cheating, it would show something’s not right within. I think with passive aggressive people, cheating can be a form of revenge.

Reply 7

bluedreamer

1

Schmokie Dragon

As pikaboo said, we are not a monogamous species.

So a gorilla would search for another mate because the “spark” is gone in his current relationship? :s:

Sorry, had to :p:

I‘m not certain, but I don’t think apes cheat :dontknow:

with gorillas for example, they just have a certain harem, and only the top dominate male can mate. Which means a lot of males go without, unless they become solitary and steal them or something.

If some man has a harem, it doesn’t make him a cheater. Again, I’m not certain about gorillas.

**EDIT**
never mind :biggrin:

Reply 8

*Kates*

I don't think you can make excuses for cheating on a partner and if my bf did that to me, there would be no reasoning and no forgiveness, that would be it. It is better to talk about your feelings and see how you could make things better in the relationship than cheating. I see it as pointless, why be with someone if your going to cheat.. i would rather my bf finished with me than do that to me.

Reply 9

ChemistBoy

16

It would be difficult for me to forgive any infidelity because I would expect my partner to agree with my standards on behaviour. Cheating damages all relationships and I haven't seen one that has recovered to the state it was in before the infidelity was exposed.

Reply 10

deaks

pugnacious

Because men are all bastards. *cries*

Theres plenty of slutty girls who cheat on their boyfriends. Its 50/50 if you ask me...

Reply 11

ezyazd

1

I think it depends on the people involved in the relationship. I think on of the main reasons someone cheats is lack of attention from the othe partner. But the bottom line is, if you are cheating something is currently wrong in the relationship. It doesn't have to be the end, but again it depends on the people in the relationship, some people will never find it in their heart to forgive, and would never be able to trust that person again. But if they both want to make it work they will have to work on it and address the issues that lead to cheating in the first place.

Some people believe that once a cheat, always a cheat. I don't believe this to be true for most people as they would no cheat in a happy relationship. Although for some people it is in their nature, they seem to be unable to commit to a relationship maybe because of fear of being trapped, being cheated on themselves by a previous partner, wanting to boost their ego, lack of self control and other psychological issues.

Reply 12

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

tanusha-tomsk

I don't think that people cheat because they don't love each other, sometimes the opposite. I think that often it shows that they don't get enough attention from their partner.

That might be a reason why they do it, but it doesn't make it any less of a betrayal. If you love someone but they aren't giving you enough attention, you talk to them about it. You don't jump in the sack with someone else. For that reason, I'd never ever excuse it, I think it's the ultimate line to be crossed and once you're gone past it there's no going back. So yes, in my opinion, once someone cheats it's the end.

PS: You do see people who get back together after and stay together, I just couldn't forgive it myself!

Reply 13

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

Tarts_n_Vicars

That might be a reason why they do it, but it doesn't make it any less of a betrayal. If you love someone but they aren't giving you enough attention, you talk to them about it. You don't jump in the sack with someone else. For that reason, I'd never ever excuse it, I think it's the ultimate line to be crossed and once you're gone past it there's no going back. So yes, in my opinion, once someone cheats it's the end.

PS: You do see people who get back together after and stay together, I just couldn't forgive it myself!

Agreed. I also think that if you love someone you will not want to hurt then no matter how much you are hurting. I couldn't imagine even kissing someone else whilst in a relationship, as I would think of it as a betrayal. I know, I contradict my first post.. But this is love, that's it's nature.

Reply 14

helloworld

6

i love some one and i just physically cant understand if you love soemone that much how you can even bring yourself to be with another person

Reply 15

PaperMoon

All the reasons given above, e.g. lack of attention, relationship not going great could explain why people cheat.
But, some people simply cheat because they can't resist temptation, even if they do get enough attention and love from their partner. They haven't got enough willpower, or enough consideration for their partners to say no.

Personally, I don't think I could ever forgive someone who cheated on me, not right now. It may be different for a married couple who might decide to stay together for the sake of their children however.
Even if I was 100% sure he would not cheat again, that special bond a couple have, or are supposed to have, is broken if one has betrayed the other in such a way.It just would not be the same.

Reply 16

Katia

6

JaF

I'd agree with that.

Yeah, me too. In my own experience, it was a stupid mistake and it was due to mixed up feelings, but it all boiled down to attention, well lack of. Also something happened a few months before with him and his ex, so sub - consciously, I seeked revenge :frown:

I was silly and messed up, that's all I can say..

And, no it doesn't have to be the end, we're still together 18 months after it. We've been together 2 and a half years too. Things are really good. I feel awful still and I always will do, but it's the past and I try my best to forget and he has forgiven me.

[x]

Reply 17

Katia

6

PaperMoon

All the reasons given above, e.g. lack of attention, relationship not going great could explain why people cheat.
But, some people simply cheat because they can't resist temptation, even if they do get enough attention and love from their partner. They haven't got enough willpower, or enough consideration for their partners to say no.

Personally, I don't think I could ever forgive someone who cheated on me, not right now. It may be different for a married couple who might decide to stay together for the sake of their children however.
Even if I was 100% sure hewould not cheat again, that special bond a couple have, or are supposed to have, is broken if one has betrayed the other in such a way.It just would not be the same.

He?

Women cheat too.

Reply 18

PaperMoon

Katia

He?

Women cheat too.

Well, I'm a girl....so I was just talking about the possibility of my partner cheating.
I'm sure women cheat just as much.

Reply 19

always + forever

1

I think that sometimes people cheat because they are bored in their current relationship. i've cheated in previous relationships, and its something that I deeply regret, but it's always been very near the end of that relationship: it's almost as if I already know my current relationship is over, and that I want to be single again. I've never cheated and tried to save the relationship: I'm an all or nothing kind of girl!

My gosh, I sound like a bitch!

Why Do People Cheat And Does It Have To Be The End?

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