The Student Room Group

How hard is it to say "I love you"?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and I care about him very much. In fact, I love him. I haven't told him this yet, because I am too cowardly to say it first and was hoping he would. Another reason I wanted to hear it from him first is so that I know it's sincere and not brought about just because he feels he's obligated to say it back. It's beginning to get frustrating though because anytime I try to mention anything about my feelings for him he doesn't seem to take me seriously and just changes the subject. I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't feel strongly for me the way I do for him, or it's because he's not an "emotional guy". But honestly, I don't want him to always be discussing his "feelings" and crying in front of me and all that kind of crap, all I want is to know how he feels about me. What should I do? And also, has anyone ever been in the same situation? What did you do?

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Jusssst say it.
hey
i think the fact thats hes been with u a year shows he cares for u very much! he may not tell u he loves u because sometimes its hard to know how u feel about someone. u may think love someone but then later in life u realise love is actually very different. tell him you love him when you're drunk, if he doesnt say it bk, pretend u only said it cos u were drunk :P
Reply 3
He might be thinking/feeling the exact same thing as you.

Just say it.
Reply 4
so_this_is_sam
hey
i think the fact thats hes been with u a year shows he cares for u very much! he may not tell u he loves u because sometimes its hard to know how u feel about someone. u may think love someone but then later in life u realise love is actually very different. tell him you love him when you're drunk, if he doesnt say it bk, pretend u only said it cos u were drunk :P


Not too sure that it's ever a good idea to say "I love you" when you're drunk...:p:

So I probably won't go down that road. Though what you said about it being hard to know how one feels about someone, I completely understand that, but I want someone to KNOW they love me(that's why I want him to say it first...).
Reply 5
Knogle
He might be thinking/feeling the exact same thing as you.

Just say it.


If that was the case, why is it that everytime I try to tell him how I feel about him he just ignores me?
Reply 6
Anonymous
If that was the case, why is it that everytime I try to tell him how I feel about him he just ignores me?

How exactly does he "ignore" you? Does he try to avoid the topic?
Reply 7
Anonymous
If that was the case, why is it that everytime I try to tell him how I feel about him he just ignores me?


Don't feel hurt or think he's ignoring you by doing this - maybe he's embarassed or self-conscious about talking about his feelings.
Reply 8
Knogle
How exactly does he "ignore" you? Does he try to avoid the topic?


Yes, he just sort of goes "yea yea..." and just avoids the topic and moves along to other things.
Reply 9
so_this_is_sam
hey
i think the fact thats hes been with u a year shows he cares for u very much! he may not tell u he loves u because sometimes its hard to know how u feel about someone. u may think love someone but then later in life u realise love is actually very different. tell him you love him when you're drunk, if he doesnt say it bk, pretend u only said it cos u were drunk :P


Tell him you love him when your drunk? Wow thats really romantic. One of the worst pieces of advice ive ever heard. What a muppet!
Reply 10
sssh
Don't feel hurt or think he's ignoring you by doing this - maybe he's embarassed or self-conscious about talking about his feelings.


I guess he could be.. but if that was the case, and I said I love you first, I would probably be the one always saying it later on. I don't enjoy that, I want someone who will tell me, and not have reservations about saying it.
Reply 11
It might very well be because he isn't of the emotional type; I wouldn't jump to (m)any conclusions by that action.

Push on at it, it'll pay off!
Reply 12
Push on how? try to discuss the topic with him? I don't like making him uncomfortable, but I do want to know how he feels about me. Though, there is a part of me that thinks I'm being a bit of a girl and thinking about something that shouldnt be too big of a deal because our relationship is so great. All I want is for him to be happy, but then I find myself being a bit pissed off not knowing if he feels the same way about me(but I don't want to push the issue).
Reply 13
I understand how you're feeling, but I think you should continue telling him how you feel about him, and I'm sure that one day he'll eventually open up and reciprocate. I know it's going to be tough, but that's what the job entails.
Reply 14
Yea... I guess so... but I'm also finding myself comparing our relationship to the one he had right before. They were already saying I love you to each other at least 7 months into it, so why can't we? That is what's making me doubt that it's just due to him not being able to discuss his emotions.
Reply 15
Anonymous
Yea... I guess so... but I'm also finding myself comparing our relationship to the one he had right before. They were already saying I love you to each other at least 7 months into it, so why can't we? That is what's making me doubt that it's just due to him not being able to discuss his emotions.


Maybe it didn't mean very much then? Don't necessarily think that they were more in love because they said it all the time.
Reply 16
Anonymous
Yea... I guess so... but I'm also finding myself comparing our relationship to the one he had right before. They were already saying I love you to each other at least 7 months into it, so why can't we? That is what's making me doubt that it's just due to him not being able to discuss his emotions.

Maybe the problem is that he doesn't want to say it first and maybe in his previous relationship she said it to him first.
Reply 17
sssh
Maybe it didn't mean very much then? Don't necessarily think that they were more in love because they said it all the time.


That's true. (I know this is completely off topic but is that Billie Holiday that you have as your avatar? I'm very willing to take advice from someone who likes Billi e Holiday...)
Reply 18
JaF
Maybe the problem is that he doesn't want to say it first and maybe in his previous relationship she said it to him first.


Well if we're going by his last relationship, then me saying I love you first wouldn't be a good idea( as he fell out of love with his ex....)
I was once in a situation where "I love you" was said far to quickly and I knew it, especially in hindsight and that situation didn't end brilliantly. As such I am loathed to say it nowadays unless I am well and truly certain I feel that way, once burnt twice shy. He may be the same, he may not want to jump in to saying something with as much baggage attached as "I love you" without being absolutely certain in his own mind it is sincere and what he genuinely feels.
Sorry, I can't really offer you any advise on what to do... I find these situations confusing enough myself to be able to suggest the actions another should take. :rolleyes: