Millie228
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#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
I am just on the bottom right now
I dated a guy during the beginning of the summer. We spent basically every day together, and had the most wonderful time. He would call or text all the time, be super affectionate, I basically lived at his place, he introduced me to friends, asked if he could come to his home country with me etc. Ive never had such a connection with a guy, he was over the moon about the sex we had and could literarly lay with his head on my stomach for 3 hours straight.
As he moved back home (2 hrs away) I mentally prepared to not see him again. But he kept contacting me and nagging to see me. For 2-3 weeks he contacted me a lot but I was unavailable due to exams + moving. When I finally got back to him, he seemed to have drifted. He responded, said he'd "love to see me", but was sporadic. He updated his status to "NYC" and I didn't hear from him for a week. There were also comments from friends implying he was meeting someone.
I saw no solution but to cut him off completely.

Now I see he's updated his profile picture. He is with a girl in the photo (she's not tagged, but I've seen her on facebook before), he is holding the camera and looking at her. It's like he's "showing off" that he's with someone new. He has no other profile pictures with girls, not even with his ex whom he was with for 2 years. It's the first time. It's so "in your face". She's also become friends on facebook with all of his friends. I don't know if he's assuming I'm over him or don't care. He also has public profile pics for everyone to see. I don't know if he wants me to be upset or what.
Due to the time frame, I can only imagine that he was in touch with her while we were going out, at least while he was still begging me to come visit.

I feel awful. I had taken the past month to move on and get past him, now I'm back to scratch. I feel like the time we spent together was a lie. I don't know what to do with myself right now
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Climbontoyourseahorse
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Although it seems you got attached to this guy, be thankful that it happened now rather than further down the line when you would have been even more attached.
The reason for his behaviour, from what you've said, is not clear. It seems that either he realised that it wasn't right and didn't have the balls to tell you, or your lack of contact over that period of a few weeks bruised his ego a bit, he assumed you weren't interested and now he's pulled some other girl and the evidence of all this on Facebook is possibly a bit of a dig at you. I guess it's not nice to not know why he's done this, but what you need to remember is that you spelled it out to him that you were busy during those few weeks, and if he couldn't understand that you needed your own space then he would not be the type of guy you'd want to get involved with. You don't want a boyfriend who is needy, unsympathetic or thinks everything is about him. People can be pretty immature when they've had their ego bruised, and so if you think that he is bragging on Facebook then remember that he must feel he has something to prove - and that's not going to be a nice feeling for him.
And if it's that he realised he didn't want to see you anymore, then he should have had the balls to tell you.
There are other, and better, guys out there. Chin up.
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Okie dokie
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Whose bottom are you on?
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Millie228
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#4
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(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Although it seems you got attached to this guy, be thankful that it happened now rather than further down the line when you would have been even more attached.
The reason for his behaviour, from what you've said, is not clear. It seems that either he realised that it wasn't right and didn't have the balls to tell you, or your lack of contact over that period of a few weeks bruised his ego a bit, he assumed you weren't interested and now he's pulled some other girl and the evidence of all this on Facebook is possibly a bit of a dig at you. I guess it's not nice to not know why he's done this, but what you need to remember is that you spelled it out to him that you were busy during those few weeks, and if he couldn't understand that you needed your own space then he would not be the type of guy you'd want to get involved with. You don't want a boyfriend who is needy, unsympathetic or thinks everything is about him. People can be pretty immature when they've had their ego bruised, and so if you think that he is bragging on Facebook then remember that he must feel he has something to prove - and that's not going to be a nice feeling for him.
And if it's that he realised he didn't want to see you anymore, then he should have had the balls to tell you.
There are other, and better, guys out there. Chin up.
Thanks for reply. This actually felt accurate to my situation, especially coming from a stranger who doesn't know me.
I know that not seeing him for 3 weeks or so was a problem. He actually called me on the phone, saying I was an amazing girl, that he wanted to see me soon and "needed me". The reason I didn't see him was a) exams and b) moving flats and c) family holiday for a week. I suppose I'm not a very spontanious and flexible person - I wanted to be moved in and ready with my new flat before inviting him over. He asked about specific days and why I couldn't go to his on holiday instead, like he was trying to get me stuck or as if I was avoiding him.
He went to Italy and the day I sent a message suggesting a day to meet up, it was 3 days after he called me and we had a great phone convo. He didn't reply to the text in a week. Even if his ego was bruised and he had "given up" on me, I think it was a bit sudden - it was not as if I had no explanation at all. If he cared about me, as he gave me every reason to believe ("I think you're perfect for me"), then surely it takes more to forget about me?

I find the facebook photo really odd. Keep in mind I deleted him off my facebook a month ago, so if he thinks I'll see it, it's because he knows I still go to his profile occasionally, or relies on it. He uses his fb for work a lot and have 1000+ friends there. All his other profile pics are him only, either a holiday shot or a nice portrait. I'm guessing he's a bit vain that way. But this one is clearly taken by himself, with this girl. It's a "clumsy" shot and has no other objective than to say "I'm with this girl". I am not sure if I can conclude it is done to taunt me.

Strangely enough, I'm not jealous with the girl per se. She's pretty, but I can say that objectively (going to sound stuck up by saying this, but just being honest..), she is not better looking than me.
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Millie228
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God I don't know what to do with myself... I am not so optimistic about meeting someone new, it's just so rare that I meet someone I absolutely "click" with and can imagine being with Last time I ended things with a guy, it took me SO LONG to move on and emotionally be done with it, I'm afraid it'll be the same this time.
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Jammie_x
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Tbh, i kind of know how you feel.. I liked someone for an awful while and then they keep getting wall posts on Facebook from this girl and one includes hearts - which definitely puts doubt into your mind quite literally. I can understand why you are upset, you said you felt like you had a connection with this guy and then he tries and makes you jealous. Which i think he is actually trying to do. Maybe he felt hurt when you couldn't meet him? so hes trying to get his own back on you by trying to make you jealous? The best thing to do is try talking to him, ask him if hes seeing that girl on fb? for all you know they could just be good friends.. And if he is, then loose touch with him.. I know its hard, since you feel like you perhaps wont meet someone like that again but trust me, you are better then that and you will most likely will. I'm like you, it takes me ages to get over someone.. I think its because you care so much about him and got easily attatched to him - which is probably why you spent everyday together. Perhaps he was scared so thought about moving on? i mean, perhaps it was getting serious too soon for him? I'm not to sure.. This guy could be a complete *******, which if thats the case - it'll be hard but you can definitely move on from him because you will find someone who will make you feel 100% happy all the time..
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Bonfire
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(Original post by Millie228)
God I don't know what to do with myself... I am not so optimistic about meeting someone new, it's just so rare that I meet someone I absolutely "click" with and can imagine being with Last time I ended things with a guy, it took me SO LONG to move on and emotionally be done with it, I'm afraid it'll be the same this time.
But if you both clicked as well as you think you did, don't you think you would still be together? Please don't think I mean that harshly, I don't, I've had my fair share of pain in this department. All I mean to say is that, fundamentally, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. It hurts now but in a few months you will be grateful he has done this - as ridiculous as that sounds. He is clearly not the person you thought he was, and in your place I would find his actions disrespectful considering how much time, energy and love had been bestowed upon him.

The sadness will go in time, but it's you that will remain. As for your final statement, I can identify with it, and all I can say is this: let it hurt now and for a little while longer, that's good and healthy, but when the tears start to dry remember that you and only you are in charge of how long you suffer. If you can give time, love and energy, then you deserve the same back, but you have to demand it first and foremost and not just hope that it comes around. Have it already. My mother always taught me that if you have love for the things you do and see, you never have to beg it from anyone. As Climbuntoyouseahorse said, chin up and report back in a few.
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Millie228
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(Original post by Jammie_x)
Tbh, i kind of know how you feel.. I liked someone for an awful while and then they keep getting wall posts on Facebook from this girl and one includes hearts - which definitely puts doubt into your mind quite literally. I can understand why you are upset, you said you felt like you had a connection with this guy and then he tries and makes you jealous. Which i think he is actually trying to do. Maybe he felt hurt when you couldn't meet him? so hes trying to get his own back on you by trying to make you jealous? The best thing to do is try talking to him, ask him if hes seeing that girl on fb? for all you know they could just be good friends.. And if he is, then loose touch with him.. I know its hard, since you feel like you perhaps wont meet someone like that again but trust me, you are better then that and you will most likely will. I'm like you, it takes me ages to get over someone.. I think its because you care so much about him and got easily attatched to him - which is probably why you spent everyday together. Perhaps he was scared so thought about moving on? i mean, perhaps it was getting serious too soon for him? I'm not to sure.. This guy could be a complete *******, which if thats the case - it'll be hard but you can definitely move on from him because you will find someone who will make you feel 100% happy all the time..
I am not talking to him - unless it wasn't clear, I deleted him off my facebook a month ago. So I have started "no contact" and I see this because his profile pictures are open. Now that he is seeing someone new, I'm definitely not going to talk to him, in a hope to maintain some dignity.
I just don't know what to think. When we spent time together, right before he went back home, he was sad and said "3 days, then you will have forgotten about me". I knew already then that it would take long to forget about him.

Am a little upset, I just spoke with a blogger friend and he is kind of harsh when it comes to these things, and said that he probably isn't even thinking about what I'm feeling, he's moved on. The idea that he has just forgotten, is truly upsetting. It makes me doubt myself - as if it was all in my head. How can you spend endless nights cuddling up to a person and then be over it just like that?
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Millie228
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#9
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by Bonfire)
But if you both clicked as well as you think you did, don't you think you would still be together? Please don't think I mean that harshly, I don't, I've had my fair share of pain in this department. All I mean to say is that, fundamentally, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. It hurts now but in a few months you will be grateful he has done this - as ridiculous as that sounds. He is clearly not the person you thought he was, and in your place I would find his actions disrespectful considering how much time, energy and love had been bestowed upon him.

The sadness will go in time, but it's you that will remain. As for your final statement, I can identify with it, and all I can say is this: let it hurt now and for a little while longer, that's good and healthy, but when the tears start to dry remember that you and only you are in charge of how long you suffer. If you can give time, love and energy, then you deserve the same back, but you have to demand it first and foremost and not just hope that it comes around. Have it already. My mother always taught me that if you have love for the things you do and see, you never have to beg it from anyone. As Climbuntoyouseahorse said, chin up and report back in a few.
Thanks.
Yeah, I'm beginning to see him as a bit of a serial monogamist. Someone who falls in love easily but quickly out of it too and is a bit dependent on it. His previous relationships seemed to have last approx 2 yrs or less - enough for the "magic" to run out.
At least now we're all over and there's been "closure", although a poor variant since I had to find out like this...
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