Calling engagement off for the moment

OP

Jonatan

Are you sure its not just coold feet then? How long have you been feeling uncertain about it? A decision like this is not going to be easy and if I remember correctly it wasn't long ago that you seemed to be quite happy about it. How have things been bumpy? You say you think you want to study in England, but you don't seem completely sure yet. Is that a definite decision or do you think you might change your min in a while? Youhave a french flag as your icon, are your boyfriend living in France? England and France are not that far appart it might be possibel for you to stay together even if you go study in England. I don't think i can offer much advice on this matter as I really don't know what your relationship is like. Only thing I can say is that you probably need to talk to him pretty soon. If you don't feel ready to enter an engagement you shoudl probably tell him befor eyou go on a trip.

hey there. well i live in cyprus. i dont think its cold feet no, because iw as looking forward to it. things have been a bit bumpy last coupe of months. if i come to study in the UK we d be apart 7 months out of 12 and he can come and visit. the thing is that i am not sure. the course at my home country uni is very nice too, albeit not being as interesting as the one in Keele. I have tried talkin to him but just the look of hurt in his eyes is killing me...

Reply 3

Jonatan

13

mrteacher

hey there. well i live in cyprus. i dont think its cold feet no, because iw as looking forward to it. things have been a bit bumpy last coupe of months. if i come to study in the UK we d be apart 7 months out of 12 and he can come and visit. the thing is that i am not sure. the course at my home country uni is very nice too, albeit not being as interesting as the one in Keele. I have tried talkin to him but just the look of hurt in his eyes is killing me...

Well if you are not certain you want to get engaged next week I'm afraid you have to talk to him. Since you have decided to get engaged next week you will eitehr have to go through with it or you will have to tell him. Now as much as it may be difficult to talk tohim it will sure not get easier. Hopefully he will udnerstand that you don't want to get engaged without being absolutely certain so you can ahve some time to sort thinsg out. In any case you definately don't want to get engaged unless you feel abslutely sure about it so you will have to talk to him.

Reply 4

Dutchess of Doncaster

mrteacher

my boyfriend and I are supposed to get enganged next week on our one year anniversary :frown:

One year? I understand you not being sure about engagement - Maybe suggest to him that you wait until after you've come back from your studies.. if you last that time then you'll know it is worth it, or you may find that you grow apart/change and then you've had a lucky escape. Especially so if you describe him as being 'v nasty sometimes'.. talk to him.

Reply 5

blackcurrant

mrteacher

I am a little bit scared of his reaction because he can be v nasty sometimes. :confused:

Nasty as in say horrible things or nasty as in violent??

I think you should do want you want to do and if that's study in England so be it. If he really loves you then he'll wait for you and if you get married, you'll have the rest of your lives together. He can always visit during term and you'll see him when you go home in the holidays :smile:

As for actually getting engaged, 1 year really isn't a very long time. I agree with what Robin*Hood said :smile:

Reply 6

Katia

6

Well in 50 years time how do you want to look back at you life? The woman who went for it, achieved her goals, had the best time at University. Or the woman who stayed with her boyfriend and stayed at home to keep him happy? Go with your gut feeling - which seems to be coming to England and studying. If he loves you, he'll wait.
[x]

Reply 7

Katia

6

Sorry - I assumed you were female in my first post. Excuse me.

Reply 8

Happy1

14

A year isnt a very long time. Its around the year mark that you tend t get all the arguments. i know I did. You hav to talk to him about it - i know its hard and you wont want to hurt him, but it'll be much better, explain about how you dont feel you're strong enough for it, and that you'd like to continue as before for a while. Make sure he knows youre not ruling out any possiblity of engagement in the future, just taht you want to hold it for a bit.

Id tell him before you go to Athens though...

Then, tell him about wanting to study in England.

If he cares about you and loves you, he WILL understand and he'll support your decision. I'm sure he'll be hurt but there's no gtting around that. You just have to choose words carefully and try to time it right.

Reply 9

OP

oh he never gets nasty physically thank God.
Thanx everyone for their replies!
Well i havent managed to tell him anything, not yet, i just can't. i dont want to talk about it with him though i know i have to. if he really loves me he will stand it and he was ready to do it when i didnt have the option of studying at my home country. but it is my fault too for encouraging the notion that ill stay at my home country to study. now, i honestly dont want to. i can feel teh big talk coming up. it's not that i am afraid that we might brake up; i just dont want to go through the whole talking about it drama. :s-smilie:

Reply 10

I'm afraid you will have to. :smile:

Don't write him a letter, see him in person. It's not going to be fun and he might even get very angry but give it time. After all, you said you'd stay at home first so you're taking away sth he was looking forward to.

I think you should go to Keele and see if you can handle the LDR. :smile:

If you break up over it, I guess you can be glad you didn't get engaged after all. It would be very sad of course 'cos if you're planning on getting engaged after 1 year you must be really in love and aww.. :hugs:

Good luck.

Reply 11

white_haired_wizard

16

mrteacher

Well, story is that my boyfriend and I are supposed to get enganged next week on our one year anniversary. We are going to Athens and staying at the Intercontinental blah blah blah.
Thing is I think I want to call the engagement off - not the trip but the whole ring exchange, life comittment promises etc. Lately we have been having a bit of a bumpy time and we are not as strong at the moment. Plus, I think I have made up my mind to come and study in England rather than stay at my home country and be together
So what do I do? How do I tell him? I am a little bit scared of his reaction because he can be v nasty sometimes. :confused:

engaged at 18, married at 19-22, kids by 24-25, seperation, divorce, single parenthood, legal wrangles over access to kids and his payments for childcare et cetera.....What do you think? and who does the responsibility lie with seeing as you are a same-sex couple?

Don't worry into things - it's pathetic that people can tend to do this, follow this path.

Reply 12

her0n

If you don't think you can talk to him about this do you really think you were ready to get engaged?
IMO, you should be able to talk about anything with your partner before considering that level of commitment..

Reply 13

OP

definitely no letters. i can talk to him about anything EXCEPT the Uni thing. he ll go ballistic and he ll be right to do so because i wanted to stay - i said i wanted to stay at least= thats what i thought i wanted. but not anymore.
about the engagement - well i called him and we just talked for a little while - he was working and i said..u know may be we should just take things a little bit more slowly. he went 'hm ok aha i have to work'.

Reply 14

mrteacher

definitely no letters. i can talk to him about anything EXCEPT the Uni thing. he ll go ballistic and he ll be right to do so because i wanted to stay - i said i wanted to stay at least= thats what i thought i wanted. but not anymore.
about the engagement - well i called him and we just talked for a little while - he was working and i said..u know may be we should just take things a little bit more slowly. he went 'hm ok aha i have to work'.

Sounds like he wasn't very impressed.. :hugs:

But of course he was at work so can't get into it right now.

You can be engaged for years, so if you want to take it slower he'll know it's because you're not comfortable anymore with him.

Reply 15

OP

hugatree

Sounds like he wasn't very impressed.. :hugs:

But of course he was at work so can't get into it right now.

You can be engaged for years, so if you want to take it slower he'll know it's because you're not comfortable anymore with him.

yeay thats what am worried about. that he ll think am no comfortable anymore with him. :s-smilie:

combined with the fact that i want to go the uk.. doesnt good does it? :s-smilie:

Reply 16

mrteacher

yeay thats what am worried about. that he ll think am no comfortable anymore with him. :s-smilie:

combined with the fact that i want to go the uk.. doesnt good does it? :s-smilie:

No it doesn't sound good but tell him that you realise it sounds bad and explain why you feel this way. Just tell him Everything that's on your mind, repeat if necessary.

Reply 17

OP

hugatree

No it doesn't sound good but tell him that you realise it sounds bad and explain why you feel this way. Just tell him Everything that's on your mind, repeat if necessary.

oh well. everything sort of settled. talked to him about both. he did understand and everything. didnt make telling him much easier though. oh well. england it is:P

Reply 18