blackmail and sex Watch
I am a bi young guy who had split up wiv a recent relashionahip and suppose at this point became more curious about a guy .
I never been near a guy or felt anything towards them until last year i was open to try it . I was not openly out as bi and really im still not as thats my choice for now .
Anyway i found someone local online and slowly trusted and liked him more and more as i became closer he wanted to meet but i didnt tell him my personal details like my home address or phone number just my mobile and first name . We then met for a drink one night and then a couple more times and engaged in sex . After the sexual meet slowly my feelings died out about this relashionship i slowly relized and learnt this was not really wat i wanted and maybe a wrong turn . I gentley let the guy down by saying it wasnt wat i wanted i had only met him 3 times by this point once sexual.
The guy also has a violent history of being in and out of prison of drunken abuse and violence which i didnt know until after i told him i didnt want to further the relashionship and wasnt wat i wanted. He did not like the fact i was choosing to end it and felt i played him along . I said i havent my feelings have changed he then found my name through my mobile number and address and home phone and my fbook profile and knows all my family. This scared me as he has pictures and msgs from me that he could use against me so we argued and he called me when i ignored him then called home number at 3 am and he was sorry sayinh it was a mistake. So he dicieded i could go and he would accept i was over with him. So we met i talked and said i was sorry and goodbye. I then had a couple of days too myself until on a work night i got a call from him drunk and screaming down the phone saying he was going to knock on my door ruin my life and talk tp my parents and family and ruin my life he then said he was going to bomb my house . As he threatend he said he was in a taxi round and there was nothing i could do i cried on phone and said get out and il drive and talk to u . So i drove to him while he waited we met on a random street where he yelled abuse at me and said he would get his family members to come and beat me up and still threatening to call my family or friends i then sat down on a bench where i got up to walk away as i cried i was sorry and he grabbed me squeezed me and stared at me and said "im not going to rape u thats sick " this worried me as i had know idea where those words would come from. I then sat back down and hugged him as he made me hugg him and he apologized for everything he had done that night so i said i was sorry and we seemed back to normal and apart . So i offerd him a lift home he was very drunk and as i dropped him off he kissed me i just kissed him becuase he was drunk but stopped as he kept putting his head in my crotch which i was very uncomftable with so kept pushing him away sayinh i.needed to go homw as by this poiny it was 3 am and nobody or my parents knew where i was as i had to run out before he got to my home . He then rufused to get out my car and grabbed onto me as i tried to get out saying he wasnt gunna go anywhere until i came im his house or stayed there we struggled for about 10 mins as i tried to get his hands off me and i fell out the car him still grabbing me and i then got back into there car tried to lock it but in a panic missed and he got back in . I argued more begging to let me go home . And he then message my family saying i was gay and he was with me( in an email wich i managed to delete but he doesnt know i deleted it ) .in shock and hysterics i called police as he wouldnt get out my car then he had my homenumber on his phone calling saying he was gunna talk to my mum so in a blackmailed panic i told police man i had sorted it . He then made me go into his house wich i begged not to go into i wanted to go home where he slayted me calling me names for half hour , then he let me go as i cried to my car he came out and threatend me more the police called back and i said i was fine and he made me come back in at this point i was in floods of tears in deep distress he then made us go to his mums bed wherw he tried to cuddle me as i had my hands over my face saying let me go home he then said "i will i just want to cuddle " as he saif it i turned over hands still over my face when he took his pants off and said make me *** and you can go so scared and threatend i mastubated him he then said u *** aswell i said i cant he said u have to or ur not going home . So i tried my hardest he kept sucking me even though i tried to stop him then kepy kissing me even thou i pushed him away and he then put himself inside me saying it make him *** faster i said no and he said he only do it a lil bit in scard positon i let him he pushed a lot in and i pushed him and said no and he pushed a lil bit in again and kept tryin i said no again stating i dony like it as he told me to *** . I managed to get there in the end he said okay you can go home . I was numb in terror nothing matterd to me in the world i got in my car and tried to forget it or it would ruin my mind.
Okay so after the horrific ordeal i have been having text saying he is so sorry for wat he did and said he will let me go after i meet him again and say bye to his face which trumatic again i did and said to leave me alone and he said he would and he sorry and he wont say anything . So i left it at that this has all made me extremely paranoid and depressed in anxiety and today he has made more blackmail saying im in the wrong for leading him on and i cant just choice to end this. We started talking 11 months ago but only met 5 times .i feel like a worthless human being who lost love and maybe paid the price i dont know .
Thanks you for your message, i know how hard it can be to disclose abuse and you have been through a horrible ordeal.
What you have described is harassment and threatening behaviour and is unacceptable. It is perfectly normal to be confused about your sexuality and to be curious and try things out. However, if you decide that you do not want to pursue this or see that person again, that is your right and they should accept that.
The main incident you describe sounds awful and must have been very scary. What he did to you was sexual assault and is against the law. I understand that you may not want to report it as you are worried that he may tell your family things but do please ring the police in an emergency if you are scared.
The most important thing though is your safety and well being.
I know you do not identify now as being gay but, i would recommend that you talk to an organisation called 'broken rainbow'. They specialise in working with people in same sex relationships who experience abuse. Even though you were not in a relationship, they will be able to listen non-judgementally and will be able to offer you support and advice.
These are their details:
Monday 2pm to 8pm
Wednesday 10am to 5pm
Thursday 2pm to 8pm
0300 999 5428
For general Helpline advice: [email protected]
If he is still harassing you, can you change your mobile number and email address? I do not think it is a good idea to meet him again as you may not be safe and he seems to have a pattern of saying he will leave you alone if you meet him one last time. Clearly he is not able to follow this through. Unless he gets some kind of intervention and support it is unlikely he will change.
You have done nothing wrong. Please ring the helpline above, they will really be able to help. I know it may be hard to talk about it but you can remain anonymous if you want. It is a confidential listening space and they can explore options with you, including reporting him to the police.
I hope some of this helps, do come back here and talk some more if you need to.