Dysfunctional family & grandma died, advice needed Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Basically, it's a long story, but I will keep it short as I could really do with some advice!!
2 years ago my dad died after being in hospital for 5 years in comas and critical care. In this time, my dads side of the family (grandma and aunt) made my immediates family life a nightmare with constant arguments, trying to take my dads money etc and not visiting him, even when they were told he didn't have long to live.
After my dad died, we moved house as we used to live next door to my gran, who I used to be close with. I visited her regular for a while after we moved as I felt I owed it to my dad and she was still my gran even after everything she had put my family through.
My aunt pushed family members away, as she's possibly the most selfish and nasty person you can meet. But I couldn't cope with pretending everything was ok and didn't want to tell my aunt and gran what i was thinking as i didn't want to upset my gran (although this is now my regret). So i decided to stop visiting them last year. Although they still send birthday and xmas cards.
Then on friday i found out that my gran died, but my aunt never told us, we found out by a stranger, as no-one gets on with my aunt who's just after the money.
It's my grans funeral later this week or next week and I feel so guilty that i never got to say goodbye and that i stopped seeing her. But I don't think i can face going to the funeral as i know my aunt will make me feel unwelcome and case an argument, even though many people won't go because she's there. Any advice what I should do? The funeral is going to be where my dads was and I haven't been back there since as I didn't cope with after my dads death and it took me months to go back to school and get back in good health as I lost a lot of weight. Sorry if this dosent make much sense.
1
reply
Orphan
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
I think you should go to the funeral.

Funeral's are an important family event and I think you owe it to yourself to not let your difficult aunt "win" by staying away. When my mum and dad were killed lots of people assumed that I wouldn't go to the funeral but I made myself go and I'm pleased that I did. The same thing will probably happen to you.
1
reply
Coffeegirl
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#3
Report 7 years ago
#3
You might regret it later if you don't go to the funeral because that's your last chance to say bye. Hope everything works out because I know how hard dealing with a death can be xx
1
reply
glousck
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#4
Report 7 years ago
#4
Don't let the Aunt be the one who hinders you from going to the funeral. I kind of see it as, if you don't go because of her, then she's won. Go for your Gran and ignore/be civil to the Aunt if she speaks to you - tell her calmly what you are there fore and that this is hard for you because of your dad.

I am sorry for you about the situation. However - and this is just my 2 cents - I think your Gran would still know that you loved her. Yu say you were really close at one point and lived next to each other. That's got to speak for something. Even if you had little contact towards the end, it's worth knowing that she'd probably had been through the same things with other family members before and they'd also come to pass and have a good relationship with her again.

Use the funeral as closure, as a way to say goodbye. I think it would be devastating if you didn't go because of the Aunt - see it as a day just between you and your Gran. I know it will be hard, undoubtedly so, so try and be strong as I think it will be a really good thing if you do go.
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you made up your mind on your five uni choices?

Yes I know where I'm applying (153)
59.53%
No I haven't decided yet (59)
22.96%
Yes but I might change my mind (45)
17.51%

Watched Threads

View All