18, girl - NEVER had boyfrind - should i lie??? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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I do not want to lie, but this is really embarassing. You can say "oh blah lah if someone likes you then they won't care", but some guys will hold it against me and I do not blame them because it is part of attraction and it might be offputting.

I am not unattractive, I do get quite a lot of looks/attention from stranger (compliments from random people who have nothing to gain), but I do not think I am amazing looking or anything, just a bit above average (with make up) or maybe average. My problem is I am shy/quiet and the guys I always like are the loud confident (not gobby) ones (not "alpha males" or whatever guys on here call them) that never notice me because I am quiet. I am not really interested in shy retiring guys, probably because of my own shyness. I have no guy friends and haven't for at least 10 years. I find it hard to speak to guys, I find it hard to be myself around new people which is the problem because I am really self conscious about my personality.

I am just worried when the conversation comes up in the future when it does happen for me and I get close to a guy (whenever that is, I'm starting to think I'll be the next SuBo) and I admit I've never had a boyfriend/guy openly interested in me as a person/am a virgin, they will think there is something wrong with ME (which there probably is lets be honest) because like I said before I'm not unattractive, guys have asked me in the past "oh how come someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend" etc. (to which I made up some excuse about not liking any guys at the moment or something stupid).

My main problem is I feel pressure to be funny because people like funny people and I don't want to be seen as boring, but that pressure I put on myself instantly means it doesn't ever happen (by the way I'm not that person who tries hard and makes lame jokes, I just mean I try to be light hearted but because I'm stressing about how that person sees me, it doesn't happen).

I do have friends (girls)!

BTW - I am not desparate for a boyfriend, while I would like a boyfriend because of course I would love to have that relationship with someone, I am not unhappy MYSELF with never having a boyfriend. What concerns me is other peoples' (particularly guys) perception of me after having found something like this out about me. I'm nearly 19! That's so late!! I hate lying to people... hate it!
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Anonymous #1
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SillyEddy
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I wouldn't lie, but expect any relationships to be a bit more full-on that you might've expected. I know several people who got their first boyfriend (or indeed girlfriend) at 18 - Sometimes they paired. Hell, I know some people who didn't have a proper boyfriend until after their teens and only their virginity around 20-21. It's just how it went. Time isn't everything.

Guys just might be anticipating that you're at the same level as they are, so they might try to 'cut the corners' in the relationship. So be prepared that it might go faster than expected, but don't let it go too fast that it's uncomfortable. But be honest, because then you can have the best possible success.
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Lucia.
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No. Never hide who you are.
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IndeEDIEitsme
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Maybe you need to address how to be more confident in general before approaching a relationship. I know it may feel like the long way round but you'll feel much better off being able to talk to everyone and anyone, and then the confidence will come naturally when with a guy. Plus being in a more friendly relationship first with a guy can be better as you feel no pressure sexually (me and my boyfriend hardly knew each other when we first started seeing each other and I found it hard to trust him ie did he just want to muck around or was it serious).

I understand how you feel because the first guy I had a fling with, ended up turning me down cause he was so surprised I didn't have any experience. I was so upset.

If you've got a friend whose a little more confident (not overly) it may help just to spend time with her. Often people's confidence rub off on each other. Or maybe spend more time in a large mixed group so if you find yourself in an awkward situation you've got a mate to come and save you!!!

Hope this helps a little. And remember if a guy judges you over your history without giving you a chance, he obviously isn't worth your time and tears.


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Ortegas
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[sigh] Girls who have quite extensive sexual experience have all troubles to complaint, now even girls who are too young and don't have much experience are also complained. Quite a complicated world, isn't it?

I think most advice is like "be who you are" or "never hide who you are", but none of these things are specific or actionable. I do think you need to own the truth you have never had a boyfriend before, and though you may not have to tell guys this, you simply have to accept it. You will see nobody hurts you at all just because you have had any boyfriend. People say things as such sometimes to show off their maturity.

Amazingly, you will see guys like us at your age can be even more clueless than you ever think. This is quite common, thinking back those first dates early in your life where you just go on dates, on movies and have lovey-dovey sex, all that.

The best advice I can tell you is that you shouldn't worry too much about being funny. Things that you are looking for is some sort of spontaneous movements, you know, happy people start dancing on the street. Find a hobby that you like, join a social group that you enjoy people. Do make friends with guys, those that seem quite fun and draw you closer to them. You don't have to necessarily have any romantic or sexual interest in those guys, just join to make friends. Slowly you will see things start falling into your place.

SillyEddy do spell out quite a brilliant truth about how collective perception of people around you may trump your joy. You see, we aren't living in a school when we can divide people into class and grades and let you just naturally integrate with people in your own group. Therefore, it may quite right to find guys that perhaps share the same personality with you and spend more time with them, not necessarily as boyfriends or anything.

The thing with extrovert guys or brat party guys at your age is that while they do have certain superficial charms due to their look and confidence, they don't have enough maturity to handle a relationship, therefore may end up hurting you even though you like them a lot.

When you start gathering enough experience, do go out with friends and find guys that you like and try to bond with them, okay?

Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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ok
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IxI_Rhys_IxI
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Uhhh... I'm an 18 year old male, and I find that having a girlfriend on her first time relationship is WAY more attractive than having a girlfriend who has been in several in the past.

If your potential partner thinks that you're a freak for not being in a relationship prior to the one you're working on, they quite simply aren't a potential partner.
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farrow000
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Do you have female friends that could help you? I've experienced girls too shy to speak to me before instead they get a friend to ask for them, it saves the embarrassment plus you're not on your own.

A good conversation starter is ask what he does for a living and his interests.
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foolscap
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(Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
Uhhh... I'm an 18 year old male, and I find that having a girlfriend on her first time relationship is WAY more attractive than having a girlfriend who has been in several in the past.
Couldn't agree more.
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ildaf123
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at the age of 18 its really not a big deal to have never had a boyfriend, im 19 and I havn't. I would never lie about it as I know I havnt done anything wrong its just not happened for me yet, never been a fan of these meaningless flings anyway, which tends to be what most relationships before the age of 16/17 are.

If a boy who was my age told me that he has had 3/4 girlfriends before me that would be extreamly off putting, as I would just assume he was one of those types to just jump person to person and be in a relationship for the sake of it, so I don't see why it would be any different the other way round.

numerous failed relationships arent attractive to me.

Anyway what I am saying is, 19 isnt that old. I started Uni this year, all of the girls im friends with are normal girls, decent looking, really nice/funny personlities and none of them have had boyfriends before.
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Classical Liberal
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I can think of lots of my mates, both boys and girls, who are pretty good looking, cool people, who have never had a BF/GF. It is not at all wierd.

And who you are when you were 15-18 can be a completely different person to who you are when you are 19. Judging any young person on their "past" is ****ing stupid.
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dgeorge
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do not want to lie, but this is really embarassing. You can say "oh blah lah if someone likes you then they won't care", but some guys will hold it against me and I do not blame them because it is part of attraction and it might be offputting.

I am not unattractive, I do get quite a lot of looks/attention from stranger (compliments from random people who have nothing to gain), but I do not think I am amazing looking or anything, just a bit above average (with make up) or maybe average. My problem is I am shy/quiet and the guys I always like are the loud confident (not gobby) ones (not "alpha males" or whatever guys on here call them) that never notice me because I am quiet. I am not really interested in shy retiring guys, probably because of my own shyness. I have no guy friends and haven't for at least 10 years. I find it hard to speak to guys, I find it hard to be myself around new people which is the problem because I am really self conscious about my personality.

I am just worried when the conversation comes up in the future when it does happen for me and I get close to a guy (whenever that is, I'm starting to think I'll be the next SuBo) and I admit I've never had a boyfriend/guy openly interested in me as a person/am a virgin, they will think there is something wrong with ME (which there probably is lets be honest) because like I said before I'm not unattractive, guys have asked me in the past "oh how come someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend" etc. (to which I made up some excuse about not liking any guys at the moment or something stupid).

My main problem is I feel pressure to be funny because people like funny people and I don't want to be seen as boring, but that pressure I put on myself instantly means it doesn't ever happen (by the way I'm not that person who tries hard and makes lame jokes, I just mean I try to be light hearted but because I'm stressing about how that person sees me, it doesn't happen).

I do have friends (girls)!

BTW - I am not desparate for a boyfriend, while I would like a boyfriend because of course I would love to have that relationship with someone, I am not unhappy MYSELF with never having a boyfriend. What concerns me is other peoples' (particularly guys) perception of me after having found something like this out about me. I'm nearly 19! That's so late!! I hate lying to people... hate it!
Honestly, most guys won't care.

The only thing lying about it does is to get them confused as to WHY you would have lied about it in the first place, and make it harder to trust YOU.

Just tell the truth. Seriously, MOST 18 year old guys will NOT care
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