Mother is threatening to tell my boyfriend about a nude pic I sent ages ago? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm 20 now. I sent it to someone online who I was into at the time (around 18 months ago). I hadn't met my boyfriend at this point. My mother is Indian and doesn't want me to date so she's threatening to tell my new boyfriend about this. She went snooping through my email once and found the pic.

My boyfriend doesn't take news about the other guys I've been with in the past well at all. I told him how many I'd slept with and he was really upset (even though he's slept with more). I know he shouldn't care but I know how he'll react, I'd prefer if he just didn't know.

What shall I do?
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soxygirl
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This is a horrible situation. =( Your mother is being completely unfair, you are 20, an adult and have the right to date who you want.

However, it seems like your mum isn't going to have her mind swayed easily but only you know just how serious she is about telling him. It's not easy but my advice would be to get in there first and tell your bf. It seems like he's quite sensitive about such matters and although he isn't going to take it well, it'll be far worse coming from your mum. As well as that, if he's worth having around he'll accept you for you which means accepting you have a past.

I hope things work out for you!
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TenOfThem
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I agree ... tell him yourself ... steal her power

If he dumps you then he was not worth dating anyway
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Anonymous #1
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Oh god. How do I tell him!
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username917703
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(Original post by TenOfThem)
I agree ... tell him yourself ... steal her power
In one way this is funny but in another he might end up thinking she did it out of honesty and the kindness of her heart when really it was for herself and damage limitation, which I don't agree with. This whole situation is very unfortunate. I don't think OP has done anything wrong.

If he dumps you then he was not worth dating anyway
Agree with this though. Who cares if you sent someone you liked a nude pic?

Also he's a bit of a hypocrite if he's slept with more people than you and is harsh on you for it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wilfred Little)
In one way this is funny but in another he might end up thinking she did it out of honesty and the kindness of her heart when really it was for herself and damage limitation, which I don't agree with. This whole situation is very unfortunate. I don't think OP has done anything wrong.



Agree with this though. Who cares if you sent someone you liked a nude pic?

Also he's a bit of a hypocrite if he's slept with more people than you and is harsh on you for it?
Well even he knows that he's being harsh on me when he's done the same thing, but he says he just can't stand thinking of other men touching me. Maybe I should just let her bring it up and then explain myself.
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soxygirl
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh god. How do I tell him!
I think you just have to be straight up honest. He's going to be upset however you tell him so all you can do is try and minimise the upset. Explain that it was before you met him and that you didn't want him hearing it second hand. Basically reassure him that it's in the past and be prepared for him to take it badly and to need a bit of time to get his head round it. Don't, however, let him make you feel bad about it because you weren't together then. He has a sexual history too and his previous reactions do display a lot of hypocrisy.
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username917703
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(Original post by soxygirl)
I think you just have to be straight up honest. He's going to be upset however you tell him so all you can do is try and minimise the upset. Explain that it was before you met him and that you didn't want him hearing it second hand. Basically reassure him that it's in the past and be prepared for him to take it badly and to need a bit of time to get his head round it. Don't, however, let him make you feel bad about it because you weren't together then. He has a sexual history too and his previous reactions do display a lot of hypocrisy.
If she's telling him, being straight up honest includes saying she wasn't going to tell him at all but was blackmailed by her mother.

It might be better to just say "tell him then" to her mother and use reverse psychology, she may back down. If the mother does tell him, at least OP didn't portray an image of honesty and if they stay together the mother doesn't get the impact of "I succeeded".

What does everyone else think? OP?
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soxygirl
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(Original post by Wilfred Little)
If she's telling him, being straight up honest includes saying she wasn't going to tell him at all but was blackmailed by her mother.
That's a fair point, I guess what I was implying was to be blunt and not to sugar coat it by leaving out information because that implies she has something to be ashamed of.

I agree the reverse psychology could work but only OP knows her own mum.
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tsrstar
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If you really believe your mother would actually tell him, and she’s not just saying it to scare you into dumping him, then tell him yourself. You sent it before you had met, it's only a pic, and you didn't do anything wrong. You mother is in the wrong her; she shouldn't be snooping through your emails and trying to dictate your life. Your 20, it's time to let go of the apron strings.

Whether it's an idle threat or not, do you really want your mother to have that power over you? Sometime down the road when you and your boyfriend get serious, she may just hold this over your head, if it was me, i would tell him.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well even he knows that he's being harsh on me when he's done the same thing, but he says he just can't stand thinking of other men touching me. Maybe I should just let her bring it up and then explain myself.
Talk to him about this. It is a problem.
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Okie dokie
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Get a revenge photo
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Bonzo10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Talk to him about this. It is a problem.
What guy enjoys thinking about their girlfriend with another man?
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I love shopping
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(Original post by Bonzo10)
What guy enjoys thinking about their girlfriend with another man?
I know it can't be very pleasant to think about it, but it's not like she cheated on him. It was before she met him. He needs to learn to accept her past and not get upset by it.
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kunoichi
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(Original post by Bonzo10)
What guy enjoys thinking about their girlfriend with another man?
Yeah but its her past? She didnt exactly plan her life before she met him to suit his wants did she?
He needs to get over it, especially if he has slept with people too.

As for the photo op, i think its potentially illegal for your mum to threaten to do something like that with nude pics without your permission.

And it sounds like blackmail.

Is she does send it to your bf, apologise for your mothers behaviour and if he complains about you sending pics to a man before you were even together, tell him to grow a pair.

Oh and change your email password
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wilfred Little)
If she's telling him, being straight up honest includes saying she wasn't going to tell him at all but was blackmailed by her mother.

It might be better to just say "tell him then" to her mother and use reverse psychology, she may back down. If the mother does tell him, at least OP didn't portray an image of honesty and if they stay together the mother doesn't get the impact of "I succeeded".

What does everyone else think? OP?
I agree with you. I don't think the pic was or is a big deal, so in ideal circumstances I wouldn't have brought it up. I'm not going to bring it up unless my mother does. The 'tell him then' idea is good.
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