Boyfriend can't say whether he fell in love with me... Watch

Anonymous #1
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He has never been the most expressive guy, and I definitely find it easier to express feelings openly. I was the first to say I love you, and he does say it (sincerely) but rarely. He's the type of guy to express love through his actions for sure.

But after coming back from a movie the other night we got to talking about falling in love...this got me reminiscing about falling for him, what it felt like, what it was about him that made me fall for him (these conversations never happen, so I was grabbing the opporunity!) and he said he hadn't experienced that gradual falling in love (for me, it was full on physical butterflies, becoming enarmoured with the kind of person he was...)- going on to say 'it wasn't like in the movies'. To hear him say this hurt me, like it fell so short of his expectations and got me wondering how he could 'love' me if he hadn't even fallen first. The conversation was just left like that, and honestly I have been developing some insecurity over his feelings because of dicussions like this. He will say 'I love you', but will never tell me why other than that 'it's hard to describe.' I understand this to an extent, but still...do you think this is cause for concern?
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Anonymous #1
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Guys, help? Is there a bit emotionally odd about a boyfriend who can't say whether he fell in love?
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gigglesgalore
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Some boys deal with this kinda of thing in a very different way to girls - it can be tricky to interpret the opposite sex when talking about emotions. You said that he expresses his love through his actions, which is great, so try not to worry that he´s less able to pinpoint the exact moment when he ´fell´for you Hope this has helped!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by gigglesgalore)
Some boys deal with this kinda of thing in a very different way to girls - it can be tricky to interpret the opposite sex when talking about emotions. You said that he expresses his love through his actions, which is great, so try not to worry that he´s less able to pinpoint the exact moment when he ´fell´for you Hope this has helped!
It wasn't so much pinpointing the moment (he said something along the lines of 'I knew by March/April it was more than just like'), but more that it seemed like he was saying he hadn't experienced falling for me at all? Like as though that didn't happen for him.

He does express emotions through actions, but I find it hard to understand sometimes because I'm the opposite almost...
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Anonymous #1
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Would really appreciate some more input, if anyone has advice?
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ClearC
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Hi! I am 23 years old boy. I haven’t met the girl yet I can say “I love you” and I perfectly know that when it will be (hopefully soon ☺) – I will be definitely open as hope you know by experiencing that loving somebody means both wanting physically, mentally and morally. It is so nice when a girl is open, oh my! It also depends what age you are guys? In my age I take it seriously. Hope it helps? So I think your current boyfriend is just spending time and that is it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ClearC)
Hi! I am 23 years old boy. I haven’t met the girl yet I can say “I love you” and I perfectly know that when it will be (hopefully soon ☺) – I will be definitely open as hope you know by experiencing that loving somebody means both wanting physically, mentally and morally. It is so nice when a girl is open, oh my! It also depends what age you are guys? In my age I take it seriously. Hope it helps? So I think your current boyfriend is just spending time and that is it.
We are around the same age.

And that (the part bolded) is what worries me...
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Anonymous #1
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Woops. I meant the 'So I think your boyfriend is just spending time and that's it' part.
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ClearC
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Hey, can you write me the private message?
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strawberry
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you're assuming that because you went through a specific feeling, that he must have too. Unfortunately, that's not how it works and the way men and women function regarding these things is very different. I don't think that just because he can't describe a butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling that he had while "falling in love" (how do you even really define that?) with you, means that he's not in love with you.
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gm15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He has never been the most expressive guy, and I definitely find it easier to express feelings openly. I was the first to say I love you, and he does say it (sincerely) but rarely. He's the type of guy to express love through his actions for sure.

But after coming back from a movie the other night we got to talking about falling in love...this got me reminiscing about falling for him, what it felt like, what it was about him that made me fall for him (these conversations never happen, so I was grabbing the opporunity!) and he said he hadn't experienced that gradual falling in love (for me, it was full on physical butterflies, becoming enarmoured with the kind of person he was...)- going on to say 'it wasn't like in the movies'. To hear him say this hurt me, like it fell so short of his expectations and got me wondering how he could 'love' me if he hadn't even fallen first. The conversation was just left like that, and honestly I have been developing some insecurity over his feelings because of dicussions like this. He will say 'I love you', but will never tell me why other than that 'it's hard to describe.' I understand this to an extent, but still...do you think this is cause for concern?
Newsflash: its not like the movies - especially for guys. Guys don't fall in full blown love on sight.
Even if full blown love comes later its crazy to expect him to know the exact moment he went from crush to love! ("well OP, love of my life, it was precisely 3:42pm on a rainy march saturday afternoon. You had x for lunch. You did/said y and I said to myself you know I really love her")
And most can't go into a hollywood speech about why exactly they love you.

He says he loves you, you believe him and he shows his love through actions. I'm sorry but needing more (ie being told more
often, knowing exactly when and why he fell for you) comes over as really needy.

Also nobody is so amazing that a guy falls in love on sight/meeting them the first time. He might develop feelings/a crush but love takes time.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my U20i
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by strawberry)
you're assuming that because you went through a specific feeling, that he must have too. Unfortunately, that's not how it works and the way men and women function regarding these things is very different. I don't think that just because he can't describe a butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling that he had while "falling in love" (how do you even really define that?) with you, means that he's not in love with you.
I understand that it's different for men and women, although this is something I'm only starting to get my head around (as previous boyfriends have found it easy to express love in this way - of course he is a seperate person and should be treated as such...).

But he said 'do you mean you want me to describe what falling in love with you was like?' I suggested it would be nice (getting quite excited) and he, well...couldn't. I had that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, but I also fell for him when I saw the overreaching kindness he had for other people, and as I watched him practice his hobby (and saw how passionate he was about it, and how much it meant to him). I didn't get much of a response to saying this, ie. he didn't say anything similar about me in return. I obviously feel very lucky to have him, and I suppose wish he could express something about me that for him, sets me apart from others. Otherwise, why else are we with a person?

It sometimes hurts to know that if I were to say 'why me?', he would reply 'why not you' rather than how he feels about me.
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strawberry
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he probably can't describe the feeling a hobby gives him either, so no need to be jealous about that! :lol:
my husband isn't as articulate as I'd like him to be about his feelings either, but he shows me rather than tells me .. and I think that's more than enough for me. Fact is, he loves me (your boyfriend loves you) ... and that's all that really matters.
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dgeorge
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He has never been the most expressive guy, and I definitely find it easier to express feelings openly. I was the first to say I love you, and he does say it (sincerely) but rarely. He's the type of guy to express love through his actions for sure.

But after coming back from a movie the other night we got to talking about falling in love...this got me reminiscing about falling for him, what it felt like, what it was about him that made me fall for him (these conversations never happen, so I was grabbing the opporunity!) and he said he hadn't experienced that gradual falling in love (for me, it was full on physical butterflies, becoming enarmoured with the kind of person he was...)- going on to say 'it wasn't like in the movies'. To hear him say this hurt me, like it fell so short of his expectations and got me wondering how he could 'love' me if he hadn't even fallen first. The conversation was just left like that, and honestly I have been developing some insecurity over his feelings because of dicussions like this. He will say 'I love you', but will never tell me why other than that 'it's hard to describe.' I understand this to an extent, but still...do you think this is cause for concern?
Life is not a fairy tale. Get over it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by dgeorge)
Life is not a fairy tale. Get over it.
I don't expect it to be!
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History123
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Loving someone and falling in love are two completely different things.
The butterflies isn't falling in love, its being attracted to someone.
I love my girlfriend, i love her very much, and i can remember the attraction growing, but i can't remember going from not 'loving' her to 'loving' her. I didn't wake up one morning and shout 'BTW I NOW LOVE YOU'. Its a gradual process, achieved by spending time together and sharing your life. Its such a common misconception that you remember falling in love, what you remember is the the attraction and lust growing, two completely different things.
Don't worry about it, he loves you, so chill.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by History123)
Loving someone and falling in love are two completely different things.
The butterflies isn't falling in love, its being attracted to someone.
I love my girlfriend, i love her very much, and i can remember the attraction growing, but i can't remember going from not 'loving' her to 'loving' her. I didn't wake up one morning and shout 'BTW I NOW LOVE YOU'. Its a gradual process, achieved by spending time together and sharing your life. Its such a common misconception that you remember falling in love, what you remember is the the attraction and lust growing, two completely different things.
Don't worry about it, he loves you, so chill.
Thank you. This post definitely made me feel better. I tried to rate you, but was told I need to rate another member before rating you again (though I don't think I have ever before, lol...).
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username447608
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People fall in love totally differently im pretty standoffish it takes a hell of alot to make me even like a person let alone fall in love,and for me its not all like you derscribed its kinda just being with that person and realising how much i care for them and want to be with them.

Whereas I have friends who have planned candlelit dinners, boat trips brought lavish gifts to say the 'i love you' phrase everybody is different do not worry
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SillyMilly)
People fall in love totally differently im pretty standoffish it takes a hell of alot to make me even like a person let alone fall in love,and for me its not all like you derscribed its kinda just being with that person and realising how much i care for them and want to be with them.

Whereas I have friends who have planned candlelit dinners, boat trips brought lavish gifts to say the 'i love you' phrase everybody is different do not worry
thanks, it's good to hear another point of view.
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