Is my boyfriend disrespectful or am I over-reacting?

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Anonymous #1
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I´ve been with a a boy for almost 3 months, and we haven´t known each other much longer than that. We´re in an LDR and see each other around twice a month.
Everything seemed perfect in the beginning, however, we have argued a lot which i´m sad about, and the problem is that sometimes I feel like he speaks to me disrespectfully, he gets angry easily and swears at me and sometimes belittles me.

He told me he never really argues with anyone else so it makes me feel sad that I annoy him. I´m a sensitive kind of person, some people say i´m ´too nice´ and stuff like that, so I dunno if i´m over reacting.

Sometimes he says stuff as a joke and I take that, when he makes it clear he´s joking it´s ok, because I do the same thing with him, and I make it clear i´m joking too.

However, sometimes, if I have a problem or don´t feel good about something and I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry.

Last night, I told him I was a bit disappointed because he didn´t make a lot of effort with a certain thing and i´d appreciate it if he tried a little more. I was calm and I felt like it was a reasonable point, but he told me to **** myself, and started saying stuff like maybe he doesn´t love me, and tells me i´m talking s**t, and said if you talk s**t with me then don´t talk to me at all.

Then he started to be very sarcastic with me and seemed to be deliberately trying to upset me in some way.

In the past he´s told me i´m stupid or annoying sometimes, he´s told me to f**k myself, and he slapped me once when I was upset about something and he tried to reassure me, not a hard slap but he was doing it in a ´snap out of it´ kind of way I think...

I talked to him once about soon when we´ll be spending a long time together, I made a joke like I hope he won´t get sick of me (I made that clear I was joking) and I said stuff in general like i´ll always give you space if you need it I know sometimes it´s nice to have a change and see your friends and stuff ( I felt like I was saying a decent thing rather than being clingy or controlling saying, no, don´t see anyone else, spend all your time with me etc.) And he got angry and started calling me insecure..

I confronted him about this, I told him I never say stuff like that to him unless I make it clear i´m joking, and he said he was sorry and he acted stupid. I was glad he apologised, but I just want to know if i´m being too sensitive about this or he´s been out of line? He can be a very sweet and kind boyfriend and very caring a lot of the time... but now i´m scared that he´ll just keep being like this with me every time we talk about something.. I really love him and I want it to work with him..

Do you think it´s a bad sign? Thanks.
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CoolRunner
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I´ve been with a a boy for almost 3 months, and we haven´t known each other much longer than that. We´re in an LDR and see each other around twice a month.
Everything seemed perfect in the beginning, however, we have argued a lot which i´m sad about, and the problem is that sometimes I feel like he speaks to me disrespectfully, he gets angry easily and swears at me and sometimes belittles me.

He told me he never really argues with anyone else so it makes me feel sad that I annoy him. I´m a sensitive kind of person, some people say i´m ´too nice´ and stuff like that, so I dunno if i´m over reacting.

Sometimes he says stuff as a joke and I take that, when he makes it clear he´s joking it´s ok, because I do the same thing with him, and I make it clear i´m joking too.

However, sometimes, if I have a problem or don´t feel good about something and I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry.

Last night, I told him I was a bit disappointed because he didn´t make a lot of effort with a certain thing and i´d appreciate it if he tried a little more. I was calm and I felt like it was a reasonable point, but he told me to **** myself, and started saying stuff like maybe he doesn´t love me, and tells me i´m talking s**t, and said if you talk s**t with me then don´t talk to me at all.

Then he started to be very sarcastic with me and seemed to be deliberately trying to upset me in some way.

In the past he´s told me i´m stupid or annoying sometimes, he´s told me to f**k myself, and he slapped me once when I was upset about something and he tried to reassure me, not a hard slap but he was doing it in a ´snap out of it´ kind of way I think...

I talked to him once about soon when we´ll be spending a long time together, I made a joke like I hope he won´t get sick of me (I made that clear I was joking) and I said stuff in general like i´ll always give you space if you need it I know sometimes it´s nice to have a change and see your friends and stuff ( I felt like I was saying a decent thing rather than being clingy or controlling saying, no, don´t see anyone else, spend all your time with me etc.) And he got angry and started calling me insecure..

I confronted him about this, I told him I never say stuff like that to him unless I make it clear i´m joking, and he said he was sorry and he acted stupid. I was glad he apologised, but I just want to know if i´m being too sensitive about this or he´s been out of line? He can be a very sweet and kind boyfriend and very caring a lot of the time... but now i´m scared that he´ll just keep being like this with me every time we talk about something.. I really love him and I want it to work with him..

Do you think it´s a bad sign? Thanks.
I'm more annoyed by your use of ´instead of ' .
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AliimzBabii
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what an ******** seriously tell him you need more respect
and that your worth it
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Okie dokie
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(Original post by CoolRunner)
I'm more annoyed by your use of ` instead of ' .
Word.

This for my killers and my hundred dollar billers. If your ***** is a sappy emo, ditch her. Real talk.
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TheQuietOne
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(Original post by Anonymous)
the problem is that sometimes I feel like he speaks to me disrespectfully, he gets angry easily and swears at me and sometimes belittles me.

he told me to **** myself

seemed to be deliberately trying to upset me in some way

he slapped me once when I was upset about something

he got angry and started calling me insecure..
This is a really bad sign. Don't take it from him, he should NOT be treating you like this, no matter the reasons and apologies he gives afterwards. No good boyfriend should ever slap their girlfriend, especially when they're upset (and vice versa of course). You deserve much better.

I had a boyfriend who swore at me and often told me things like "go die in a hole, *****" or "go **** your mother" when I didn't act exactly how he wanted me to. He would get angry over nothing, I'd react, and by the end of the argument the blame would be all on my shoulders and he would play the poor, innocent, mistreated boyfriend...and I would forgive him and accept the blame over and over again.

Just think about this - when he apologises, do you really believe he's sorry and won't do it again? Do you really believe things might get better if you stay with him long enough? Are the moments where he's sweet and loving really worth the anger and abuse?

EDIT: :rolleyes: yay a neg, what did I say wrong?
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CoolRunner
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(Original post by Okie dokie)
Word.

This for my killers and my hundred dollar billers. If your ***** is a sappy emo, ditch her. Real talk.
Right on brother.
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TenOfThem
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I really love him and I want it to work with him..
why
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheQuietOne)
This is a really bad sign. Don't take it from him, he should NOT be treating you like this, no matter the reasons and apologies he gives afterwards. No good boyfriend should ever slap their girlfriend, especially when they're upset (and vice versa of course). You deserve much better.

I had a boyfriend who swore at me and often told me things like "go die in a hole, *****" or "go **** your mother" when I didn't act exactly how he wanted me to. He would get angry over nothing, I'd react, and by the end of the argument the blame would be all on my shoulders and he would play the poor, innocent, mistreated boyfriend...and I would forgive him and accept the blame over and over again. That relationship ended with him abusing me when I refused to webcam strip for him.

Just think about this - when he apologises, do you really believe he's sorry and won't do it again? Do you really believe things might get better if you stay with him long enough? Are the moments where he's sweet and loving really worth the anger and abuse?


Thanks for the advice.. it wasn't a hard slap and I think he just meant it in a jokey way, i'm not sure... sometimes he does that with me if he's play fighting or something..
yeah, I hope so.. last night was the first time I confronted him about it, and he seemed to be acting a bit nicer to me since then so I hope he realised...
I feel sad because I feel like he's perfect sometimes, and I love him so much... I hope he can stop being like this with me, but if it continues i'll have to take more action...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TenOfThem)
why
Why what sorry?
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TenOfThem
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why what sorry?
why do you really love him and want this to work
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TenOfThem)
why do you really love him and want this to work
Because he's such a great, lovely guy, I'm really attracted to him, we have a lot in common and he's really sweet to me. Why, do you think he isn't worth it or something?
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AliimzBabii
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he is DISRESPECTFUL
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TenOfThem
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because he's such a great, lovely guy, I'm really attracted to him, we have a lot in common and he's really sweet to me.
This is not what you said in your OP

in your OP you make it clear that he is
  • abusive
  • disrespectful
  • cruel
  • dismissive of you and your feelings
  • angry
  • nasty
  • scary
  • violent
  • manipulative



(Original post by Anonymous)
Why, do you think he isn't worth it or something?
I only know what you have said here

You say you love him but I read nothing in your OP to love
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TheQuietOne
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the advice.. it wasn't a hard slap and I think he just meant it in a jokey way, i'm not sure... sometimes he does that with me if he's play fighting or something..
yeah, I hope so.. last night was the first time I confronted him about it, and he seemed to be acting a bit nicer to me since then so I hope he realised...
I feel sad because I feel like he's perfect sometimes, and I love him so much... I hope he can stop being like this with me, but if it continues i'll have to take more action...
I know that feeling. My boyfriend seemed perfect too, when things went right I was so happy. I stuck with him for over a year in the hope things would get better and we'd argue less. I explained away the fights as jokes or misunderstandings. If I confronted him about things he would always be really sweet for a while afterwards...but then he would go back to his old ways again. He never changed though, and it took me over a year to realise I'd rather be alone than live in a relationship with the constant threat of anger hanging over me.

My advice would be not to wait for him to change. No matter how sweet he can seem most of the time, if he can act so cruel to you at the drop of a hat, he is NOT worth it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TenOfThem)
This is not what you said in your OP

in your OP you make it clear that he is
  • abusive
  • disrespectful
  • cruel
  • dismissive of you and your feelings
  • angry
  • nasty
  • scary
  • violent
  • manipulative





I only know what you have said here

You say you love him but I read nothing in your OP to love

Yeah... I don't know if i'm over-reacting, it's not as if he's like this every day, it's just when we argue sometimes... he told me he thinks he's a mean person sometimes and it's in his character... I really hope we can sort it out... and he'll treat me with respect like I feel i'm treating him with...
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TenOfThem
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(Original post by Anonymous)
it's not as if he's like this every day,
I guess that you have a different line to me

For me ... the behaviour you described would only need to happen once for it to be too often
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TenOfThem)
I guess that you have a different line to me

For me ... the behaviour you described would only need to happen once for it to be too often
I feel depressed right now... I thought I met the perfect guy for me.. I wanted us to have a long, happy relationship... I've never met anyone like him...
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Vohamanah
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel depressed right now... I thought I met the perfect guy for me.. I wanted us to have a long, happy relationship... I've never met anyone like him...
Get out, OP. Your relationship now isn't happy, and you don't want it to be a long and unhappy relationship. What he's doing isn't just 'disrespectful', its disgusting. You don't tell someone you love to "go **** yourself, you're talking ****", no matter how angry you are. You don't slap someone you love, even lightly, no matter what they've said or done. It really could be only a matter of time before he gets seriously violent with you.

I know exactly how it is to be in a relationship like that. I know it may seem like there's two sides of him, the sweet loving caring side and the horrible angry side. And I know you may try to kid yourself that the angry side only comes out every now and then, perhaps you'll blame yourself for making him angry. You'll think that you'll put up with that side for the other side of him, the side that you love. I did that, and slowly (so slowly I didn't even see it coming) the nice side of him disappeared and I was eventually in a relationship with a horrible angry person. Don't make the same mistake I did. The good doesn't make up for the bad, its not enough.
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shezshez
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Hop along troll.
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username952244
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#20
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Why LDR after only 3 months. Doomed.


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