Ugly duckling?

Well I never thought I was an attractive kid (kid as in pre-teen and early teen). Hell this girl even came up to me once when I was 8 and told me that I was so damn ugly and that my best mate was so much prettier. I was reasonably popular though and usually had a few guys who were into me but they coulda just been desparate. I look back at photos from Year 10 and still thought I wasn't actually that good looking back then.

Anyway, I'm 18 now and have noticed that in last 3 years or so that people have really started to compliment me on a regular basis. When I walk around college and town, I notice that guys stare at me. At first I was paranoid at why were they looking at me but as I started to smile at them, they'd smile back. Somedays I feel I can look presentable with a bit of slap but I still don't feel amazing. I dislike my face, my hair, the way my body's so out of proportion in all the wrong places - yet guys seem to like what they see. Sometimes I feel guilty because I'd test if I was looking good to other people on a particular day by walking past a group of guys to see if they'd turn around and look at me. I'm can be quiet and shy, but at times I'm quiet flirtatious. I guess it's selfish of me to make myself feel good on such a superficial level when inside I hate how I look. If that even makes sense?

Is this possible? To act attractive and seem attractive, but feel so unattractive inside?

Thanks for reading.

Reply 1

ladygrey

Yes, its definitely possibly. Learn to love yourself, as cliche as that sounds... because if you hate your body, you'll never be truly happy.

Reply 2

~the_one~

With the risk of sounding big headed i know exactly what you mean. I was a relativly ugly kid (even my mum said i was ugly, and my sis was much more beautifal as a kid). But over the past 2 years i've apparantly 'blossomed' according to my best friend. Its very confusing. When you have a guys attention it really lifts your confidence, but inside your side that ugly little kid and im scared of people seeing her.

Reply 3

*~CARALA~*

because if you hate your body, you'll never be truly happy.

So, so true! Unfortunatley I don't think I can ever learn to love my body!

Reply 4

Sithius

~the_one~

No offence but your mum sounds like a bitch.

Reply 5

burningwings

Oh, me too! I was a pretty kid imo though.. but then became UGLY!! and fat! and Im trying to get over it, but it's not working!!
I think it will eventually though :smile:

And as for you..Youre beautiful now, from the sounds of it, so make the most of it and do try love yourself! Look at yourself in the mirror each day and go "WHO DA MAAAN?!!!" and go "raarghh" and shake, then you'll laugh, and feel better, and realise how cool you are. :biggrin:

Reply 6

TommyD

Very few people find themselves attractive, and those that do are generally pompous self centred ****s.

So dont worry if you dont think you are. If other people tell you so, thats what matters right?

Being attractive is being pretty in the eyes of someone else. So if somebody tells you you're pretty, then you are attractive. Problem solved.

Eg. I think im as ugly as sin, but all my gfs have told me otherwise. They find me attractive, so i guess i am.

Reply 7

icedout

We can't help you if you refuse to provide a picture.

Reply 8

Ludivine

TommyD

Very few people find themselves attractive, and those that do are generally pompous self centred ****s.

I disagree. I think that quite a few people find themselves attractive, but not many find themselves attractive enough. There is always going to be someone more attractive, and it's as though people become accustomed to what they percieve as their 'level' of attractiveness, that becomes standard for them, and they then feel a little unattractive when reminded of people on the next 'levels'. We always want to be more than we are.

To the OP, try and see for the positive for god's sake... you've grown to be more attractive! I do kind of see your point, but think about it that way. And then you'll be even more attractive, since confidence is generally seen as far more appealling (I for one find confidence in a guy so much sexier than insecurity.) From the sounds of things you look fine.

Edit: I also disagree that it's generally "pompous self centred ****s" who find themselves attractive; it's not wrong to find yourself attractive if you have a good feeling you are goodlooking, and that kind of generalisation seems to suggest it's better to feel insecure...

Reply 9

Monkey_Maiden

TommyD

Being attractive is being pretty in the eyes of someone else. So if somebody tells you you're pretty, then you are attractive. Problem solved.

That makes kinda sense :smile:

I personally don't feel pretty most if the time but if guys say I do that means I am? What if a guy says I'm ugly, does that mean I am? :rolleyes:

Reply 10

ooz_me

I'm gorgeous, won't be told otherwise :wink:

Reply 11

Segat1

Anonymous

Is this possible? To act attractive and seem attractive, but feel so unattractive inside?

Thanks for reading.

Yes. I was hit with the ugly stick repeatedly as a child, but from 23 I noticed I got heaps of compliments.... and i thought people were taking the piss. I know I'm not bad looking, but I still find it hard to believe when people tell me I look pretty *oh so pretty!* etc. Without getting a big head. This sounds so trite. I also really don't care what people think about me anymore so I suppose I am jsut happy wtih myself....

Reply 12

high priestess fnord

i know exactly what u mean. i never thought i was pretty but then i got a bf and gained sooo much confidence and suddenly get lots of male (and occasionally female) attention. i think there is a huge difference between being attractive and pretty. i know im attractive because ive never had issues getting a bf etc but i rele dont see myself as pretty.

Reply 13

Sithius

I find myself attractive. Does that make me self centered? (sarcasm..)

Reply 14

Eidothea

Marie05

hey, i am exactly in the same situation! but for me...i think i used to be reallly cute :redface:

until i turned 12 or 13. It was during my early teens that i turned extremely ugly!! i always looked tired, had black circles around my eyes, my nose was growing big, lol i should really stop embarrassing myself haha! :redface:

i seriously feeel i want to destroy all of my pictures in my early teens and even my mum thought i was ugly.. and it really doesnt help that my mum, cousins, aunts are all pretty..
...so throughout secondary school..i felt i was the ugly duckling until in year 11 when a girl (sort of a friend) said to me that she thought i was soooo pretty :eek:

i seriously couldnt believe her..and to some extent i still dont think i believe her (im in year 13 now). Then other friends started saying the same thing. Then at the very end of year 12 till now i have realised that there are a number of guys who r interested..i can currently think of at least 5 of them.. but inside i still feel ugly..

OMG, you sound freakily similar to a friend of mine! I'm not saying you are her btw as she's applying to do art at uni and she has a sister, but it just goes to show that through the teenage years, ppl have the same sort of insecurities and experiences. So to the OP, you are not alone!

Reply 15

ninevah

when i was in secondary school, i know no-one was every attracted to me. literally the "cool" boys and girls would look at me and call me a "minger" a "mong" bla bla bla. never did anything for my self esteem. however, i though whatever, in a few years time i'm moving away from all of those freakshows, and all of my other friends are gonna blossom for sure. finished my gcse's moved to the south with my family, started a levels. didn't really hear from that many people afterwards until recently. 4 years after. 2 girls who i was really good friends with, moved to london together. they weren't especially pretty at the time, in fact in school, one of them was called dog EVERY day ... when i moved away, i think i was able to found out about myself a lot more, when i lived in wigan there wasn't really enough space for me to have my own personality - or face the consequences ... signed with a top london model agency last year, it didn't really do anything for myself esteem, i'd already sorted that out making new friends as an older teenager a few years ago ... however, i have started to thing that at least one person out there thinks i must be attractive/not a "minger"!!! one of my friends that moved down (who might i add, was called a dog everyday in school) was scouted by storm models in her first month in london, and she's a real jetsetter, and i'm really proud. i'd never rub it in anyone's face, however i do still get THAT look whenever i bump into old school friends on visits and they ask what i'm doing ... especially those slags .. oh did i say that ... :0 xxx