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Ex Sex

Is this ever a good idea? My ex gf is coming home for easter soon so chance are we'll go out for a drink at some point (we're still really close)

Ok, to cut a long story short, I reckon we'd both be up for a 'friends with benefits' situation- there's still a spark between us even now, and we're both single...but how do I approach it, or is it best left alone?

Reply 1

TommyD

1

This doesnt apply to every situation:

But i would say steer well clear. It makes situations very complicated, and if theres feelings left on any side it can give false hope to either persons involved.

Best advice is to stay as distant friends until that spark dies away. Theres plenty of other girls around.

But hey thats just me speaking from experience.

OP

Anyone else?

Depends on the relationship. Don't expect to remain close friends, especially when one of you finds a new partner. On the other hand, it is good sex. Is it worth it? Do you want to have a long term friendship with her? If so, then don't. If not, then it's your call.

Reply 4

TommyD

1

Drogue

Depends on the relationship. Don't expect to remain close friends, especially when one of you finds a new partner. On the other hand, it is good sex. Is it worth it? Do you want to have a long term friendship with her? If so, then don't. If not, then it's your call.

Yeah thats good advice.
My ex wanted to be close friends, and then we slept together. That put an end to things.
We dont talk anymore.

Reply 5

Reue

20

I've had sex with a long time good friend, who then went and got a bf.. still good friends.

Reply 6

Lillybut

1

never found it a problem- but we've both known where we stand. Think that def. makes all the difference :p:

Reply 7

TrentEnd

OP

2

I'm not quite sure where we would stand...hmmm, I guess I'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

Reply 8

El Scotto

15

TrentEnd

Is this ever a good idea? My ex gf is coming home for easter soon so chance are we'll go out for a drink at some point (we're still really close)

Ok, to cut a long story short, I reckon we'd both be up for a 'friends with benefits' situation- there's still a spark between us even now, and we're both single...but how do I approach it, or is it best left alone?

Ex sex is just lazy.

All depends on how long you were together/why you split up.

The scale is that the longer you were with the ex, and the more emotions were involved when splitting up.... THE LESS YOU SHOULD SLEEP WITH HER.

If its say a two week ex, or something like that go for it. It does no harm.

Reply 9

icedout

1

Not a good idea, as girls can't help but make an emotional connection through sex.

Reply 10

anjurdsg

11

TrentEnd

Anyone else?

i personally think that being "friends with benefits" is quite a lot of fun...sometimes even more fun than being bf/gf... coz both parties get to have fun, and no one can really get "used" or anything, coz you're still friends anyway... better than a one-night stand, coz the girl ends up feeling used.. :eek:

i think you should just play it cool and just be normal friends with her... and when you're alone, start doing stuff...but YOU dont initiate anything for the first time... let her start (unless she's shy or something) ... the key is to do stuff with her without letting her feel used...

i had a similar situation where my female friend turned into the "benefit friend"...and she was perfectly ok with it... later she got an actual bf and we jus had to stop it..lol.. but she still talks to me quite a lot and most of the time she talks about sex

Lillybut

never found it a problem- but we've both known where we stand. Think that def. makes all the difference :p:

there we go...great example... i think that most girls (not making any fundamental assumptions) like to be friends with benefits... at least they dont feel used

PS: oh, and one more little tip: try having phone-sex ... to many people, this seems like a very sad thing to do... but i think that if you can get a girl turned on over the phone, she'll think of you as VERY powerful indeed

Reply 11

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

How did you break up? If it was mutual I'd say go for it, if it was one sided there's always the possibility that the person who was dumped might have some unresolved feelings to the one who did the dumping.

Reply 12

so_this_is_sam

3

You have to be careful. I've done this a few times and it can mess with your head. It recreates old memories and emotions that you think had gone, making you think you want each other back, when infact you are probably better off without. The sex itself, will be amazing, because it's kind of naughty....but think about how you might feel after. Is it worth it?

Reply 13

Monkey_Maiden

11

I would say don't do it
I think sex is special and should be done with people who care very much about each other and/or in situations where you have no messy past like with an ex :rolleyes:

From my experiences one of you will be maybe hoping for a reconciliation and be let down if the other one sees it as just sex and then blames you for it, tells people it was your fault and then refuses to talk to you ever again :frown:

sorry going off on a tangent, it all depends on the situation, good luck whate er you do

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

When me an my ex split up we carried on having sex until i called it off because i was getting attatched again. We both went on the rebound and are now both recently single, we've agreed to meet up on thurs so no guessing what's going to happen. I'll be happy if it does, not because i still want to be with him or anything, purely because the sex was great. It's up to you what you do, although if either you or your ex feel it'll lead to one of you getting attatched then dont do it.

Reply 15

icklehc

1

it depends on the situation. me and my boyfriend brokw up hen we were younger as we were too imature for a serious relationship. but are together again now and have been for 2 years. it can work. if there is a spark between you then id say see how it goes. dont push it just see hat naturally happens. but make sure you know that having sex again could lead to one of you/both of you wanting to be together again. if you broke up for a silly reason this could be a way of rekindling a relationship which never should have ended inthe first place. just be aware of both your feelings.

Reply 16

username47781

20

Personally i say it's not a good idea.

Reply 17

TrentEnd

OP

2

Tarts_n_Vicars

How did you break up? If it was mutual I'd say go for it, if it was one sided there's always the possibility that the person who was dumped might have some unresolved feelings to the one who did the dumping.

Yeah, it was mutual really, just due to the distance involved. We've already admitted we would probably still be together if we were in the same city

Reply 18

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

So wouldn't having sex with her when you're home be pretty much the same as going out with her if you never see her when you're at uni anyway?

Reply 19

Segat1

16

^^^ So, based on that if there is still a spark then you should be fine. As someone said above, make sure you know where you stand - if one of you meets someone else whilst apart, then you'll probably feel sad but you need to establish that you're apart, and not together so neither of you should mope about thinking "I wish he/she were here" cos you'll waste so much time... you're both grown ups, if you both want to do it then do so, but make sure you're open and honest with each other... Good luck! :biggrin:

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