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I cheated and now it's come back to haunt me...

I was in a relationship with a guy a last year. We were together for about 14 - 15 months. By the end of our relationship, I had cheated on him for the last 4 months we were together. I know there is no excuse for what I did, but in my defense, at that point in our relationship, I was not happy with the relationship, and he had started to ignore and avoid me. It got to a point where he would not want to see me for weeks on end, and would tell me that he was too busy. I'd understand, afterall, school is always a first priority. However, what was always strange, is that he always had time for his friends. Always. I was getting depressed and upset over the entire situation. My shrink had prescribed me with Prozac to deal with the depression. Well, my school work started to suffer, and I could not let that happen. So, in an act of utter desperation, in order to chanell my depression in to a place where it would not affect my school work, I seeked out a friend who I had known for about 3 years. We started a relationship which lasted the whole of those 4 months. He had no idea that he was the guy I was using to cheat on my boyfriend with, however.

Well, fast forward to today. I now have a new boyfriend, whom I like very much. I have decided to try and make this one work.

Well, my ex-boyfriend found out yesterday afternoon that I had cheated on him. He confronted me and I confessed. He told me that he had got in touch with the guy I had used to cheat on him with, and that both of them were going to contact my current boyfriend and tell him all about my past indiscretion. That was my first and my last indiscretion. I told my current boyfriend about the fact that I had cheated on my ex, but I told him last night. He said that it would not affect the relationship I have with him now. However, today I find out that my ex and the other guy had indeed sent an e-mail to my current boyfriend telling him everything. I have not heard from my current boyfriend all day today, and am starting to get a little worried...

What should my next move be? Help!

Go to bed and wait.

Cheats never prosper and all that...

Reply 3

Talon

18

Wait until tomorrow before you start worrying.

Reply 4

Kittennffc

15

Try not to panic too much at this stage. Leave it a while to let your current boyfriend take in what people have been saying, as they might have embellished the truth, or told him things that are completely untrue to maybe split you to up or something similar.

If your boyfriend told you it wouldn't affect what you have together, I wouldn't worry too much!

Your current boyrfriend might have twigged that you only told him because you knew your ex had gotten involved and may be taking time to mill things over and get his head straight on how to deal with things, remember cheating effects more than the two people involved :smile:

Try and stay positive about everything though :smile:

Reply 5

Jack0

Sadly you can't stop your ex taking revenge - and I can understand where he is coming from. However if your current boyfriend is any good then he'll talk it over with you and not let if affect his relationship with you. However I absolutely guarantee you that your current boyfriend will be far more suspicious and want to know what you're doing all the time - which is again understandable.

Reply 6

Schmokie Dragon

17

When he initiates contact, talk to him! Don't just say "I cheated, silly me". Tell him about your ex and the depression and the PROMISE that if the relationship starts to get you down, you will talk about it and do something about it, not just find love elsewhere. Be honest and sincere. He isnt going to trustyou for a while, but you will have to deal with that.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the replies guys...

My current boyfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 months now. Not a long time in the least, but I happen to really like him.

When I was in the process of cheating on my ex, I regretted it, but I did not know what else to do. I realise, there is never an excuse to cheat on someone who trust you, but I feel the need to justfy what I did, I guess that's just rational?

What I regret the most, is hurting soo many people in the process. I should have just kept to myself...

Reply 8

Fleece

15

why didn't you just split up with the bf you were cheating on? :confused:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Fleece

why didn't you just split up with the bf you were cheating on? :confused:

I do not know. I should have, but I guess when you love someone, you don't want to leave them, but at the same time, for the sake of your own sanity, you need to be able to feel loved by the person you love...don't you?

I loved him, but I never felt the same from him for those last few months, and I wanted to end it, but I simply could not get myself to do so...

Now I am with my current boyfriend, and I just do not want something that is part of my past, to ruin what I have now. What I did to my ex was horrible, yes, but I do not see why it should become the factor that determines the life of my new relationship...

Reply 10

El Scotto

15

Shaggy had good advice....

"Say it wasnt Choooo"

If your new boyfriend questions you about what your previous boyfriend says, then just tell him that hes jealous or something and is just trying to split you up.

Reply 11

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

Gosh how old is your ex, 5 ?? Whatever you did to him he has no business telling tales to your current boyfriend....You know it was wrong to cheat, but it shouldn't affect your current relationship and hopefully your new bf would realise that. What happened before you were with him is exactly that - before him.

Just tell him the cheating was reflective of how bad the past relationship was and whatever your reason was for not breaking it off with the ex sooner. Your past is your business really, if I was going out with a fella who'd cheated on his ex I'd appreciate the info but wouldn't let it affect things between us.

Reply 12

Randomiser

Once a cheater always a cheater, isn't that what they say?

Reply 13

MagicNMedicine

20

Anonymous

I was not happy with the relationship, and he had started to ignore and avoid me. It got to a point where he would not want to see me for weeks on end, and would tell me that he was too busy. I'd understand, afterall, school is always a first priority. However, what was always strange, is that he always had time for his friends. Always.

sounds like a great catch this fella does

Reply 14

anjurdsg

11

Anonymous

I do not know. I should have, but I guess when you love someone, you don't want to leave them, but at the same time, for the sake of your own sanity, you need to be able to feel loved by the person you love...don't you?

I loved him, but I never felt the same from him for those last few months, and I wanted to end it, but I simply could not get myself to do so...

Now I am with my current boyfriend, and I just do not want something that is part of my past, to ruin what I have now. What I did to my ex was horrible, yes, but I do not see why it should become the factor that determines the life of my new relationship...

If you cheated on him, you DIDN'T love him anymore... I DO NOT think that it was desperation that made you do it... It was pure loss of interest ... What WAS holding you to him, however, was the feeling of "attachment", not love... the insecurity that you wouldnt find a new boyfriend like him if you lost him...

Think about it, if you really did love him, would you really ever chose a "substitute" for him? I dont think so...

You know what I think? I think you should say all that to your ex's face - the fact that you cheated on him because you didnt love him, and you didnt love him because he acted stand-offish... you should just say that so that he leaves you alone for once and stops trying to interfere with you new relationship ...

And talk about that with you new boyfriend as well..

And I dont think you should be worried about this new relationship, just tell your new boyfriend the absolute truth....

remember honesty/trust is VERY important in a relationship (probably the most important), no matter how big the consequence..... coz it always pays off...

Reply 15

ooz_me

i agree with this guy ^^^^^^^^

Naughty for cheating though!!!

Reply 16

username47781

20

Well really you should have either split with the guy or least tried to talk with him about what was wrong however the guy is so wrong for what hes doing what does he expect he gave you no affection so he's very immature, i guess lessoned learned for you when it comes to breaking it off before going off with another guy, but he's wrong for what he's doing. Just hope the new guy can see why you did it.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

It's been two days since my current boyfriend has talked to me. I tried calling him once last night but nothing. When I told him about my indiscretion, he said he would not affect our relationship, but ever since my ex boyfriend has contacted my current boyfriend, my current boyfriend has not communicated with me, at all. I'd like to talk to him about it, and try and clear the air, and move past this, after all, it is my past, it is of no ones concern but mine.

When I talk to him, I plan on telling him that I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner and waiting for it to come back to haunt me, but you have to understand the situation I was in. I was being neglected and my ex started to ignore me. I should've left him before doing that, but I didn't as I felt attached to him, not simply felt, but I was attached to him. So I made up intricate stories and lies, an I cheated on him. The relationship was so unbareable for me, that I had to stoopp to such a level in order to find some semblance of being wanted. However, that is all in the past now. I want to re-assure you that my past has no bareing on my relationship with you. They say that once a cheater always a cheater, if that's what you think, then there is simply one solution to this, and I'm really hoping you do not think that of me. It is important to out my indiscretion in its' context. This is a situation, which, thus far atleast, I cannot see arising between us. Even if it ever does, instead of letting it rot within me, I'll talk to you about it and try and figure out some sort of solution, between the two of us.

*shrugs* I guess that's all I can really say at this point in time.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Aetheria

Erm, I'd try a bit harder to get in contact with him. You really don't know what your ex has been saying.

I would try harder, but I also want to give him some space in order for him to think things through. I trust him enough to think rationally and view anything my ex says to him with a grain of salt.

Or am I expecting too much?

Reply 19

MNBStyle

9

Im sorry but you have no defense for cheating on your ex, if it was that bad why not dump your ex before you did anythng???? you can't expect people to sympathise,.
Plus you let this guy you cheated with take advantage of your vunerabillity, just talk to your bf and tell hm whats going on about the email

I cheated and now it's come back to haunt me...

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