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    hi, this is my personal statement, i feel it may be too long now (i have adapted it from when i applied last year) and also that i have not included enough about my course (anybody have suggestions what to write if applying to do maths?) anyway, any comments/views would be welcome...cheers, Andy

    I have chosen to study Mathematics at University because I have always thoroughly enjoyed the subject. I particularly enjoyed the intellectual challenge of the increasingly stimulating questions throughout the Mathematics and Further Mathematics A-level courses, coupled with the sense of fulfilment felt when the answer is deduced. This is especially true when I have put a lot of effort into a question, or if I found the topic particularly difficult. I find the challenge of solving a problem by applying mathematical methodology to be exciting and I believe that sometimes the application of a logical approach can result in beautiful solutions. I am certain the study of Mathematics has already developed the way I think and I would like the opportunity to continue this process. I would like to be able always to apply rational and logical thought to the problems I face both in life and in the future. If I find I do not understand how something works then I will ask and if I do not then get an answer I often find the concept hard to accept. This is why I would like to study a course that is slightly different from doing straight Mathematics, therefore I would find a course that allowed me to apply Mathematics to a practical situation most useful and I am confident the course I have applied for will provide this opportunity and will be a valuable precursor to employment.

    Sport has always played a large role in my life. From a young age I have been interested in both playing and watching a variety of sports. I was previously selected for my secondary school in football, basketball, cricket, rugby and athletics. Football though is my forte and I played in every school game from year 8 until when I left at the end of sixth form. Also through the school I was selected to represent the District.

    Last September I started University at Nottingham Trent studying Sports Science and Maths, however about half way through the first term I started having doubts as to whether I wanted to be doing the Sports Science part, but decided to stick it out until Christmas. During the Christmas break I thought about what I should do, and talked with friends and family about what they thought and came to a decision to leave University and re-apply next year for a different course, and in the meantime get a job. Currently I am looking for employment.

    During my final year at school I worked part time on the Produce department at Morissons supermarket in Stamford until I went to University in September. I enjoyed working there, and feel I left with higher confidence and greater communication skills, due to both having to take orders from the store’s managers, and my department manager, to a lesser extent giving orders to fellow employees and from helping customers with any enquiries they had. My other main responsibilities were: getting stock from the warehouse; restocking the department within the companies “first in, first out” policy; quality control - taking off any bad stock; and general tidying and cleaning of the department.

    Outside of school I represented Wittering Harriers J.F.C. from Under 13s to Under 16s level, at various times being made captain of the team. Being made captain of the team was a great honour, and involved both teamwork and using good communication skills with the other players both on and off the field. In my final two seasons at Wittering I was voted Players’ Player of the Year and in my last year was also presented with the Manager’s Player of the Year trophy. I was fortunate enough in the past to have had a trial with Nottingham Forest where I represented the club on tour in Holland. Also I have an avid interest in music, in particular punk and metal, although I do not play an instrument I enjoy listening to music as well as seeing live acts.

    Hence, I feel I have the relevant skills and ambition to succeed at University where I hope to develop my studies further. I would be fully prepared to join in with all aspects of University life both academically and on the sports field.
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    I have chosen to study Mathematics at University because I have always thoroughly enjoyed the subject.

    ok, im going to be blunt but thats what you need.. this sentence will ahve been said a million times before and is not interesting or attention grabbing.. it implies thatthe only reason youre applying is cos youre too lazy to look at other courses and just chose the subject you like best at school cosits the easiest option.. im sure this isnt true..you could start with sth like :I believe that the maths is an art form and that applying logical thought and calculation to a maths problem often results in a beautiful solution. (this is now a more odd sentence to begin with and therefore much more interesting)

    I particularly enjoy the intellectual challenge of the increasingly stimulating questions throughout the Mathematics and Further Mathematics A-level courses, coupled with the sense of fulfilment felt when the answer is deduced. - good ok

    This is especially true when I have put a lot of effort into a question, or if I found the topic particularly difficult. - possibly implies you struggle with some areas, might give the wrong impresion... think about this sentence

    I find the challenge of solving a problem by applying mathematical methodology to be exciting - and often extremely satisfying?

    I am certain the study of Mathematics has already developed the way I think and I would like the opportunity to continue this process. - what?! this is a bad sentence.. do you mean improved your patterns of logical thought? you need to change this sentence or take it out

    I would like to be able (always - delete) to apply rational and logical thought to the problems I face both in life and in the future. - rather than this maybe say, i also enjoy taking the thought skills that i have learnt through maths and using them to solve problems in everyday life eg...

    If I find I do not understand how something works then I will ask and if I do not then get an answer I often find the concept hard to accept. - take this out, it give the impresison that you struggle and often have to ask for help so delete it

    This is why I would like to study a course that is slightly different from doing straight Mathematics, therefore I would find a course that allowed me to apply Mathematics to a practical situation most useful and I am confident the course I have applied for will provide this opportunity and will be a valuable precursor to employment. - say how you enjoy applying maths to everyday problems and situations and maybe give an example of when you have... what youve said is a bit ... unclear

    being this para with sth like - i am also looking forward to contributing to university life through sport which .. has always played a large role in my life. From a young age I have (been interested in both playing and watching a variety of sports - delete) enjoyed playing..... (watching = lazy person who sits in pub watching football rather han going to lectures)

    (I was previously selected - delete) and i have represented my secondary school in football, basketball, cricket, rugby and athletics. Football though is my forte and I (insert word- have) played in every school game from (the beginning of) year 8 until (delete words here) the end of sixth form. (Also through the school I was selected to represent the District.- delete) instead put: I have also represented my district through football (this grammar is better)

    Last September I started University at Nottingham Trent studying Sports Science and Maths, however about half way through the first term I (started having doubts as to whether I wanted to be doing the Sports Science part, but decided to stick it out until Christmas. - delete because it sounds like youre a quitter - im sure youre not but it sounds bad) realised that sports science was not the right course for me.

    (During the Christmas break I thought about what I should do, and talked with friends and family about what they thought and came to a decision to leave University and re-apply next year for a different course, and in the meantime get a job. Currently I am looking for employment. - delete, irrelevant) i soon decided to reapply for a course which suited me better. During my time at Nottingham Trent i became increasingly absorbed with mathematics and have therefore decided to apply for a mathematics course.

    During my final year at school I worked part time (on - replace with in) the Produce department at (Morissons - is this spelt correctly?) supermarket in Stamford (until I went to University in September - delete). I enjoyed working (there, and feel I left with higher confidence and greater communication skills,- delete) as part of a team and greatly improved my communication skills as i had to (due to both having to take orders from the store’s managers, and my department manager, to a lesser extent giving orders to fellow employees and from helping customers with any enquiries they had. - delete -too much info) deal with customer inquiries as well as managerial concerns.

    (My other main responsibilities were: getting stock from the warehouse; restocking the department within the companies “first in, first out” policy; quality control - taking off any bad stock; and general tidying and cleaning of the department. - consider deleting, not relevant to wanting to do maths degree.. you need to shwo skills youve gained, not tasks you did)

    Outside of school I represented Wittering Harriers J.F.C. from Under 13s to Under 16s level (playing what?), at various times being made captain of the team. Being made captain of the team was a great honour, and involved both teamwork and using good communication skills with the other players both on and off the field. In my final two seasons at Wittering I was voted Players’ Player of the Year and in my last year was also presented with the Manager’s Player of the Year trophy. I was fortunate enough in the past to have had a trial with Nottingham Forest where I represented the club on tour in Holland. - this para needs to be with the other sport sutff

    (Also I have an avid interest in music, in particular punk and metal, although I do not play an instrument I enjoy listening to music as well as seeing live acts. - delete, no need for this)

    Hence, I feel I have the relevant skills and ambition to succeed at University where I hope to develop my studies further. I (would be fully prepared- delete) hope to join in with (and contribute towards ) all aspects of University life both academically and on the sports field.
    [/QUOTE]

    good stuff though .. just focus some of the sentences on skills gained etc rather than tasks..hope you can follow the stuff ive changed in brackets... good luck !! xx
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    (Original post by mooseyfish)
    hi, this is my personal statement, i feel it may be too long now (i have adapted it from when i applied last year) and also that i have not included enough about my course (anybody have suggestions what to write if applying to do maths?) anyway, any comments/views would be welcome...cheers, Andy
    Heya

    It's a little long, but I think it's easier to cut stuff out than have to add more!

    I would like to be able always to apply rational and logical thought to the problems I face both in life and in the future. If I find I do not understand how something works then I will ask and if I do not then get an answer I often find the concept hard to accept. This is why I would like to study a course that is slightly different from doing straight Mathematics, therefore I would find a course that allowed me to apply Mathematics to a practical situation most useful and I am confident the course I have applied for will provide this opportunity and will be a valuable precursor to employment.

    I think your opening paragraph is really good, but maybe the last part of it (italicised above) could go nearer the end...? It seems to sum things up well. (no pun intended) The sentence 'This is why...to employment' above is actually quite long, you may want to shorten it somehow.

    Last September I started University at Nottingham Trent studying Sports Science and Maths, however about half way through the first term I started having doubts as to whether I wanted to be doing the Sports Science part, but decided to stick it out until Christmas. During the Christmas break I thought about what I should do, and talked with friends and family about what they thought and came to a decision to leave University and re-apply next year for a different course, and in the meantime get a job. Currently I am looking for employment.

    I'm not sure about using the phrase 'stick it out'. Maybe try something a little more formal?


    During my final year at school I worked part time on the Produce department at Morissons supermarket in Stamford until I went to University in September. I enjoyed working there, and feel I left with higher confidence and greater communication skills, due to both having to take orders from the store’s managers, and my department manager, to a lesser extent giving orders to fellow employees and from helping customers with any enquiries they had. My other main responsibilities were: getting stock from the warehouse; restocking the department within the companies “first in, first out” policy; quality control - taking off any bad stock; and general tidying and cleaning of the department.


    As the person above me said, especially as your personal statement is quite long, you don't necessarily need to include all the things you did at Morrisons (check the spelling, I think it's two r's and one s in the middle...but I'm not sure!)


    Outside of school I represented Wittering Harriers J.F.C. from Under 13s to Under 16s level, at various times being made captain of the team. Being made captain of the team was a great honour, and involved both teamwork and using good communication skills with the other players both on and off the field. In my final two seasons at Wittering I was voted Players’ Player of the Year and in my last year was also presented with the Manager’s Player of the Year trophy. I was fortunate enough in the past to have had a trial with Nottingham Forest where I represented the club on tour in Holland. Also I have an avid interest in music, in particular punk and metal, although I do not play an instrument I enjoy listening to music as well as seeing live acts.


    I think this is an excellent paragraph. However, I know who Wittering Harriers are but you may want to specify it for the admissions tutors. It's quite obvious in the context, but it may help to clarify things from the start.


    Hence, I feel I have the relevant skills and ambition to succeed at University where I hope to develop my studies further. I would be fully prepared to join in with all aspects of University life both academically and on the sports field.


    This is a good way to end your personal statement, but as I said above, maybe you could move the second half of your introductory paragraph so it's just before the paragraph italicised above.

    Hope that's of some help Your personal statement looks good, I'm really impressed
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    (Original post by .NK)
    Heya

    It's a little long, but I think it's easier to cut stuff out than have to add more!

    I would like to be able always to apply rational and logical thought to the problems I face both in life and in the future. If I find I do not understand how something works then I will ask and if I do not then get an answer I often find the concept hard to accept. This is why I would like to study a course that is slightly different from doing straight Mathematics, therefore I would find a course that allowed me to apply Mathematics to a practical situation most useful and I am confident the course I have applied for will provide this opportunity and will be a valuable precursor to employment.

    I think your opening paragraph is really good, but maybe the last part of it (italicised above) could go nearer the end...? It seems to sum things up well. (no pun intended) The sentence 'This is why...to employment' above is actually quite long, you may want to shorten it somehow.



    Last September I started University at Nottingham Trent studying Sports Science and Maths, however about half way through the first term I started having doubts as to whether I wanted to be doing the Sports Science part, but decided to stick it out until Christmas. During the Christmas break I thought about what I should do, and talked with friends and family about what they thought and came to a decision to leave University and re-apply next year for a different course, and in the meantime get a job. Currently I am looking for employment.

    I'm not sure about using the phrase 'stick it out'. Maybe try something a little more formal?


    During my final year at school I worked part time on the Produce department at Morissons supermarket in Stamford until I went to University in September. I enjoyed working there, and feel I left with higher confidence and greater communication skills, due to both having to take orders from the store’s managers, and my department manager, to a lesser extent giving orders to fellow employees and from helping customers with any enquiries they had. My other main responsibilities were: getting stock from the warehouse; restocking the department within the companies “first in, first out” policy; quality control - taking off any bad stock; and general tidying and cleaning of the department.


    As the person above me said, especially as your personal statement is quite long, you don't necessarily need to include all the things you did at Morrisons (check the spelling, I think it's two r's and one s in the middle...but I'm not sure!)


    Outside of school I represented Wittering Harriers J.F.C. from Under 13s to Under 16s level, at various times being made captain of the team. Being made captain of the team was a great honour, and involved both teamwork and using good communication skills with the other players both on and off the field. In my final two seasons at Wittering I was voted Players’ Player of the Year and in my last year was also presented with the Manager’s Player of the Year trophy. I was fortunate enough in the past to have had a trial with Nottingham Forest where I represented the club on tour in Holland. Also I have an avid interest in music, in particular punk and metal, although I do not play an instrument I enjoy listening to music as well as seeing live acts.


    I think this is an excellent paragraph. However, I know who Wittering Harriers are but you may want to specify it for the admissions tutors. It's quite obvious in the context, but it may help to clarify things from the start.


    Hence, I feel I have the relevant skills and ambition to succeed at University where I hope to develop my studies further. I would be fully prepared to join in with all aspects of University life both academically and on the sports field.


    This is a good way to end your personal statement, but as I said above, maybe you could move the second half of your introductory paragraph so it's just before the paragraph italicised above.

    Hope that's of some help Your personal statement looks good, I'm really impressed
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    (Original post by mooseyfish)
    hi, this is my personal statement, i feel it may be too long now (i have adapted it from when i applied last year) and also that i have not included enough about my course (anybody have suggestions what to write if applying to do maths?) anyway, any comments/views would be welcome...cheers, Andy

    I have chosen to study Mathematics at University because I have always thoroughly enjoyed the subject. I particularly enjoyed the intellectual challenge of the increasingly stimulating questions throughout the Mathematics and Further Mathematics A-level courses, coupled with the sense of fulfilment felt when the answer is deduced. This is especially true when I have put a lot of effort into a question, or if I found the topic particularly difficult. I find the challenge of solving a problem by applying mathematical methodology to be exciting and I believe that sometimes the application of a logical approach can result in beautiful solutions. I am certain the study of Mathematics has already developed the way I think and I would like the opportunity to continue this process. I would like to be able always to apply rational and logical thought to the problems I face both in life and in the future. If I find I do not understand how something works then I will ask and if I do not then get an answer I often find the concept hard to accept. This is why I would like to study a course that is slightly different from doing straight Mathematics, therefore I would find a course that allowed me to apply Mathematics to a practical situation most useful and I am confident the course I have applied for will provide this opportunity and will be a valuable precursor to employment.

    Sport has always played a large role in my life. From a young age I have been interested in both playing and watching a variety of sports. I was previously selected for my secondary school in football, basketball, cricket, rugby and athletics. Football though is my forte and I played in every school game from year 8 until when I left at the end of sixth form. Also through the school I was selected to represent the District.

    Last September I started University at Nottingham Trent studying Sports Science and Maths, however about half way through the first term I started having doubts as to whether I wanted to be doing the Sports Science part, but decided to stick it out until Christmas. During the Christmas break I thought about what I should do, and talked with friends and family about what they thought and came to a decision to leave University and re-apply next year for a different course, and in the meantime get a job. Currently I am looking for employment.

    During my final year at school I worked part time on the Produce department at Morissons supermarket in Stamford until I went to University in September. I enjoyed working there, and feel I left with higher confidence and greater communication skills, due to both having to take orders from the store’s managers, and my department manager, to a lesser extent giving orders to fellow employees and from helping customers with any enquiries they had. My other main responsibilities were: getting stock from the warehouse; restocking the department within the companies “first in, first out” policy; quality control - taking off any bad stock; and general tidying and cleaning of the department.

    Outside of school I represented Wittering Harriers J.F.C. from Under 13s to Under 16s level, at various times being made captain of the team. Being made captain of the team was a great honour, and involved both teamwork and using good communication skills with the other players both on and off the field. In my final two seasons at Wittering I was voted Players’ Player of the Year and in my last year was also presented with the Manager’s Player of the Year trophy. I was fortunate enough in the past to have had a trial with Nottingham Forest where I represented the club on tour in Holland. Also I have an avid interest in music, in particular punk and metal, although I do not play an instrument I enjoy listening to music as well as seeing live acts.

    Hence, I feel I have the relevant skills and ambition to succeed at University where I hope to develop my studies further. I would be fully prepared to join in with all aspects of University life both academically and on the sports field.

    hi im in a boit of a rush so i havnt read it thoroughly, but what mostly struck me is that its way too long! mine was too took me ages to get it to fit in the gap of the ucas form!
 
 
 
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