Want to help a friend but im running out of ideas...

first of all i would like to say im posting anonymously because i know some people on this board who know me and would instantly figure out which friend im talking about if i posted under my username.

ok so to keep it short and simple, my friend is depressed. there are many factors to this:

he lacks confidence
he feels that he won't pass his uni exams (english is not his first language)
he feels that he lacks skills that other people have and he doesn't
he feels a failure that he doesn't have a girlfriend
he feels that he can't focus on revision and is distracted by a plethora of things.

to all these iv tried to reassure him that its ok in the end. iv tried to give words of support/advice to him but he always seems to be going around in circles.

i want to help him: seeing a friend like this really annoys me (well like hurts me, if you see what i mean). i don't like seeing people unhappy and i really want to say something to comfort him but nothing i say seems to be working?

what would you say?

Reply 1

The Canadian

11

he lacks confidence Tell him to help someone with something he's good at, like help someone with maths, or teach someone how to ollie on a skateboard
he feels that he won't pass his uni exams (english is not his first language) Uni isn't the be all and end all, if he fails, oh well, either resit or get a job, there are loads of good jobs out there that accept some uni experience
he feels that he lacks skills that other people have and he doesn't But everyone has their own unique talents, so they won't have skills he does have - he's probably a lot better at his second language than they are at theirs
he feels a failure that he doesn't have a girlfriend I'm 18, nearly 19 and never had a girlfriend - it isn't that big a deal, means you get to let your eyes wander if you're like that, and you can go to singles bars :p:

he feels that he can't focus on revision and is distracted by a plethora of things. I can never focus on revision, just like God knows how many other million students out there, avoiding revision is just life, and everyone gets distracted by something - me, it's shiny things

to all these iv tried to reassure him that its ok in the end. iv tried to give words of support/advice to him but he always seems to be going around in circles. Circles are the most perfect shape in the world, very strong (can't compress a pipe vertically), perfectly symmetrical, and the basis for so much in life (transport, music (CDs), videos, you name it, there's a circle in it)

i want to help him: seeing a friend like this really annoys me (well like hurts me, if you see what i mean). i don't like seeing people unhappy and i really want to say something to comfort him but nothing i say seems to be working?

what would you say? Read the bold text :p:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Aetheria

You just wrote this twice before...

yeah i know cos it kept being weird and it wouldn't post anonymously.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

The Canadian

he lacks confidence Tell him to help someone with something he's good at, like help someone with maths, or teach someone how to ollie on a skateboard
he feels that he won't pass his uni exams (english is not his first language) Uni isn't the be all and end all, if he fails, oh well, either resit or get a job, there are loads of good jobs out there that accept some uni experience
he feels that he lacks skills that other people have and he doesn't But everyone has their own unique talents, so they won't have skills he does have - he's probably a lot better at his second language than they are at theirs
he feels a failure that he doesn't have a girlfriend I'm 18, nearly 19 and never had a girlfriend - it isn't that big a deal, means you get to let your eyes wander if you're like that, and you can go to singles bars :p:

he feels that he can't focus on revision and is distracted by a plethora of things. I can never focus on revision, just like God knows how many other million students out there, avoiding revision is just life, and everyone gets distracted by something - me, it's shiny things

to all these iv tried to reassure him that its ok in the end. iv tried to give words of support/advice to him but he always seems to be going around in circles. Circles are the most perfect shape in the world, very strong (can't compress a pipe vertically), perfectly symmetrical, and the basis for so much in life (transport, music (CDs), videos, you name it, there's a circle in it)

i want to help him: seeing a friend like this really annoys me (well like hurts me, if you see what i mean). i don't like seeing people unhappy and i really want to say something to comfort him but nothing i say seems to be working?

what would you say? Read the bold text :p:

yeah iv nearly done all the things you've said but its not helping :frown:

Reply 4

endisforever

if someone is depressed theres not really that much you can do about it sorry to have to tell you.
my friend bought 'psychologies' and it had an article in it 'is someone you love depressed' and i read it because in the last few months one of my best friends and my boyfriend have been extremely depressed. Basically the article says that its something they have to go through, and that ultimately you can't really do anything to help. Don't push them and don't tell them to get a grip n so on, jus be there for them when they want to talk. It's hard to sit back and watch i know....my advice jus do fun stuff to try and help distract them, and don't let them bring you down too.

Reply 5

guitargirl03

13

As a person suffering from depression, the main thing which really helps is to have someone to talk to.

However, no one can really understand what it feels like to have depression, unless they've had it themselves. Sometimes, you want to be left alone. You need to be there for your friend, but don't try and push them into talking about their feelings, as they may not want to.

Just reassure your friend that you are there for them. :smile: