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Am i the only girl who never comes during sex, and isn't that bothered?
I never come during sex, and it's been like this with every partner i've had, so i think the issue is mine. I don't care though. I don't know if it's cos i'm so used to it or what... but i just see being expected to come/or fake it, as a pressure, and it takes away from what's supposed to be an enjoyable experience.
For me to come during sex would be very difficult, and i'd really have to focus, and probably keep quite still and quiet, and then i feel bad cos it'd come across as if i wasn't enjoying it. I feel i should be writhing around and making appreciative noises, etc, or else it just seems dull and i worry that they're finding it boring.
So i just don't bother even trying to have an orgasm, cos it's so much pressure/hard work, and takes away from the enjoyment.
Try finding a guy who accepts this though... pff. They all get an attitude about it and don't like the fact i don't orgasm during sex.
For me to come during sex would be very difficult, and i'd really have to focus, and probably keep quite still and quiet, and then i feel bad cos it'd come across as if i wasn't enjoying it. I feel i should be writhing around and making appreciative noises, etc, or else it just seems dull and i worry that they're finding it boring.
So i just don't bother even trying to have an orgasm, cos it's so much pressure/hard work, and takes away from the enjoyment.
Try finding a guy who accepts this though... pff. They all get an attitude about it and don't like the fact i don't orgasm during sex.
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Ive known quite a few guys who arnt bothered about if i come or not, so think yourself lucky lol
Maybe its an age thing... im finding as im getting older (nearly 22) its getting easier to orgasm. I mean about a month ago during sex i kid you not i came 6 times in a row like maybe 10 seconds apart he just kept grinding it in it was just really lovely and amazing only stopping because he came and went soft.
Ive usually found it easy to orgasm though, it took me only a few months from when i was 15 to when i started orgasming. Apparently loads of girls rarely or dont orgasm, i dont get why though when it just happens it happens... i dont try for it at all im totally relaxed with it.
You shouldnt feel frustrated by it, if you cant orgasm then you just cant, tell them that you cant orgasm. Take a chill pill and enjoy it, one day it will happen then you will be addicted to sex!
Maybe its an age thing... im finding as im getting older (nearly 22) its getting easier to orgasm. I mean about a month ago during sex i kid you not i came 6 times in a row like maybe 10 seconds apart he just kept grinding it in it was just really lovely and amazing only stopping because he came and went soft.
Ive usually found it easy to orgasm though, it took me only a few months from when i was 15 to when i started orgasming. Apparently loads of girls rarely or dont orgasm, i dont get why though when it just happens it happens... i dont try for it at all im totally relaxed with it.
You shouldnt feel frustrated by it, if you cant orgasm then you just cant, tell them that you cant orgasm. Take a chill pill and enjoy it, one day it will happen then you will be addicted to sex!
I can come during sex but it's so difficult I don't often try...like you I feel like it is so much effort it ruins the actual sex for me and sex is more than enjoyable enough without orgasming, my BF is fine with it, he can make me come in other ways and he understands that I know what I enjoy most and that's to orgasm before sex so that's what we do
Actually, loads of women are physically unable to orgasm during sex, because they can't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Unknowledgeable guys needed to get educated on this.
It's pretty rough if you don't come at all though.
I always come during sex, just not during the peen-in-vag bit. It's not a big deal unless you see P in V as The Most Important Sex of All, which arguably you shouldn't.
It's pretty rough if you don't come at all though.
I always come during sex, just not during the peen-in-vag bit. It's not a big deal unless you see P in V as The Most Important Sex of All, which arguably you shouldn't.
(edited 12 years ago)
Yeah guys... i meant i don't come at ALL. Not during foreplay, and other stuff like you guys are talking about. I never come, ever. Unless i am alone during masturbation.
I can't come during sex, or any other sort of stimulation from a guy.
Like i said, a lot of it is because i'd have to lie really still and quiet and focus.... and i feel creepy doing that. I feel like i should be 'performing', by making noises, etc. I don't want to just lie there like i'm asleep. I'm sure if i did that, the guy wouldn't find it very exciting.
Sure i could spell it all out to them, and actually tell them this. But i hate having clinical conversations about sex like that, it's so unsexy, and embarrassing.
I can't come during sex, or any other sort of stimulation from a guy.
Like i said, a lot of it is because i'd have to lie really still and quiet and focus.... and i feel creepy doing that. I feel like i should be 'performing', by making noises, etc. I don't want to just lie there like i'm asleep. I'm sure if i did that, the guy wouldn't find it very exciting.
Sure i could spell it all out to them, and actually tell them this. But i hate having clinical conversations about sex like that, it's so unsexy, and embarrassing.
I have orgasmed once when I was on top, so i should maybe try going on top more often! Felt like I was getting close a couple of times but then the rythm was interupted or he finnished.
But it doesnt matter really, I still enjoy it and never really expect to orgasm so it makes no difference.
I have never faked it though, I keep thinking that maybe I should but I would just find it too cringey making moany noises and alll that!
But it doesnt matter really, I still enjoy it and never really expect to orgasm so it makes no difference.
I have never faked it though, I keep thinking that maybe I should but I would just find it too cringey making moany noises and alll that!
Can you bring yourself to orgasm? If so, its possible.
I wouldn't personally like it if a girl I was with couldn't, but I'd try my damn hardest to make you.
i.e with your help from what you know from personal experience.
There are other ways. Maybe you aren't comfortable during sex?...
But yeah, if you can bring yourself to orgasm, a guy can. He just doesn't know how.
Every girl is different in what she prefers/how she likes to be touched.
Show them.
I wouldn't like a girl faking it though either, so I'm glad you don't do that.
But saying you CAN'T isn't true at all, as you know you can masturbating. It's just showing the guy how to do it correctly for YOU.
I'm guessing you still get a build up, so it's not just boring for you?
I wouldn't personally like it if a girl I was with couldn't, but I'd try my damn hardest to make you.
i.e with your help from what you know from personal experience.
There are other ways. Maybe you aren't comfortable during sex?...
But yeah, if you can bring yourself to orgasm, a guy can. He just doesn't know how.
Every girl is different in what she prefers/how she likes to be touched.
Show them.
I wouldn't like a girl faking it though either, so I'm glad you don't do that.
But saying you CAN'T isn't true at all, as you know you can masturbating. It's just showing the guy how to do it correctly for YOU.
I'm guessing you still get a build up, so it's not just boring for you?
(edited 12 years ago)
Maybe you girls just masturbate too much?
Original post by Kage
Can you bring yourself to orgasm? If so, its possible.
I wouldn't personally like it if a girl I was with couldn't, but I'd try my damn hardest to make you.
i.e with your help from what you know from personal experience.
There are other ways. Maybe you aren't comfortable during sex?...
But yeah, if you can bring yourself to orgasm, a guy can. He just doesn't know how.
Every girl is different in what she prefers/how she likes to be touched.
Show them.
I wouldn't like a girl faking it though either, so I'm glad you don't do that.
But saying you CAN'T isn't true at all, as you know you can masturbating. It's just showing the guy how to do it correctly for YOU.
I'm guessing you still get a build up, so it's not just boring for you?
I wouldn't personally like it if a girl I was with couldn't, but I'd try my damn hardest to make you.
i.e with your help from what you know from personal experience.
There are other ways. Maybe you aren't comfortable during sex?...
But yeah, if you can bring yourself to orgasm, a guy can. He just doesn't know how.
Every girl is different in what she prefers/how she likes to be touched.
Show them.
I wouldn't like a girl faking it though either, so I'm glad you don't do that.
But saying you CAN'T isn't true at all, as you know you can masturbating. It's just showing the guy how to do it correctly for YOU.
I'm guessing you still get a build up, so it's not just boring for you?
I know it's possible, since i masturbate. But like i said, if i was to even get close to coming from a guy touching me, i'd have to lie still and quiet and focus. And i'm not comfortable doing that, cos i feel like i'm being boring in bed if i just lie there. And i'm too embarrassed to directly tell a guy that, so they'd just assume i wasn't enjoying it/was crap in bed.
And plus... most guys i have been with haven't touched me right anyway. I would have never come the way they were touching me (but i still enjoyed it, just didn't get off on it).
To be honest sometimes when my ex went down on me for ages i got bored, cos i didn't feel much. And i felt like i was having to act. One time i was really tired and he said he wanted to go down on me until i feel asleep, since i was too tired for sex. So we did that, and i actually enjoyed that more than any other time, and did get some build up (even though i still didn't come). Cos i was able to just lie there and not have to react.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Maybe you girls just masturbate too much?
I didn't when i was with my ex. Actually i tried not to do it at all, so i'd get more turned on when i had sex.
Ugh, i actually just feel like never having sex again.
Unless i had someone who actually understood my situation and we could experiment and see if it actually is possible for me to come during sex. I feel too embarrassed to talk to boyfriends about it. And i don't want to go on a sleazy sex site or something to meet someone.
I just can't be bothered with all this pressure.
I don't wanna have sex anymore. I think i'm just gonna get myself a good vibrator and be done with it!
Unless i had someone who actually understood my situation and we could experiment and see if it actually is possible for me to come during sex. I feel too embarrassed to talk to boyfriends about it. And i don't want to go on a sleazy sex site or something to meet someone.
I just can't be bothered with all this pressure.
I don't wanna have sex anymore. I think i'm just gonna get myself a good vibrator and be done with it!
I know it doesn't help you, but I'm in the same situation so I know exactly how you feel with feeling as of there's loads of pressure on you and having to act. It's not really something you want to tell a partner cos they aren't going to be thrilled about it are they, so I know why you feel embarrassed about it completely, however if you want to find a caring guy who is willing to experiment with you then you need to be totally honest about it with them. Believe me these guys do exist 
Just try to remember that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for you top, your enjoyment is important, so don't act so much so that's its all an act and you're getting nothing out of it. Don't be afraid to ask a guy to do what you like, they'll be grateful for the help.
This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
Just try to remember that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for you top, your enjoyment is important, so don't act so much so that's its all an act and you're getting nothing out of it. Don't be afraid to ask a guy to do what you like, they'll be grateful for the help.
This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
Original post by Antifazian
I know it doesn't help you, but I'm in the same situation so I know exactly how you feel with feeling as of there's loads of pressure on you and having to act. It's not really something you want to tell a partner cos they aren't going to be thrilled about it are they, so I know why you feel embarrassed about it completely, however if you want to find a caring guy who is willing to experiment with you then you need to be totally honest about it with them. Believe me these guys do exist
Just try to remember that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for you top, your enjoyment is important, so don't act so much so that's its all an act and you're getting nothing out of it. Don't be afraid to ask a guy to do what you like, they'll be grateful for the help.
This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
Just try to remember that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for you top, your enjoyment is important, so don't act so much so that's its all an act and you're getting nothing out of it. Don't be afraid to ask a guy to do what you like, they'll be grateful for the help.
This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
Thanks
It's just so embarrassing though, i blush even thinking about talking to a guy about it.Original post by Kage
I reckon its phycological. You say you can orgasmn on your own if you are lying still. Makes it seem like you have a fear of letting go...
May be wrong but I might not be. How were you brought up to view sex?
May be wrong but I might not be. How were you brought up to view sex?
No cos i can 'let go' during sex, as in be expressive and make noise and stuff, so it's not like i'm embarrassed about that. It's just when i actually orgasm, i need to focus on it, and not get distracted by having to do anything else. And keeping still helps me focus on getting off.
But obviously me not even responding is going to be a turn off for the other person, so that's the prob.
Original post by SarrBar
No cos i can 'let go' during sex, as in be expressive and make noise and stuff, so it's not like i'm embarrassed about that. It's just when i actually orgasm, i need to focus on it, and not get distracted by having to do anything else. And keeping still helps me focus on getting off.
But obviously me not even responding is going to be a turn off for the other person, so that's the prob.
But obviously me not even responding is going to be a turn off for the other person, so that's the prob.
Such a shame though. You shouldn't really have to focus. It should practically take over you.At least teach the guy you are with how to get you off the way you do on your own? It could still give you both pleasure if he knows how you feel.
Just try and see.
A guy sometimes needs some guidance.
I'll tell you what though. I would make sure I would make you orgasm, whichever way you liked. It's only fair.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Kage
Such a shame though. You shouldn't really have to focus. It should practically take over you.At least teach the guy you are with how to get you off the way you do on your own? It could still give you both pleasure if he knows how you feel.
Just try and see.
A guy sometimes needs some guidance.
Well we split up in april so i've not been with anyone since then.
Feel very insecure about going with someone else, knowing that it will be an issue all over again. The only thing i can think of is maybe getting to know a guy online first, and explaining it that way so i don't get as embarrassed. But then that's a backwards way to meet someone... we might meet in person and not even like eachother! Done the whole online thing before and it doesn't end well.
So yeah... don't know what i'm gonna do really
Sometimes i wonder if everyone else's experience of sex is totally different to mine... cos they orgasm. Maybe what i think of as 'good'sex, is actually crap.
Original post by SarrBar
Well we split up in april so i've not been with anyone since then.
Feel very insecure about going with someone else, knowing that it will be an issue all over again. The only thing i can think of is maybe getting to know a guy online first, and explaining it that way so i don't get as embarrassed. But then that's a backwards way to meet someone... we might meet in person and not even like eachother! Done the whole online thing before and it doesn't end well.
So yeah... don't know what i'm gonna do really
Sometimes i wonder if everyone else's experience of sex is totally different to mine... cos they orgasm. Maybe what i think of as 'good'sex, is actually crap.
Feel very insecure about going with someone else, knowing that it will be an issue all over again. The only thing i can think of is maybe getting to know a guy online first, and explaining it that way so i don't get as embarrassed. But then that's a backwards way to meet someone... we might meet in person and not even like eachother! Done the whole online thing before and it doesn't end well.
So yeah... don't know what i'm gonna do really
Sometimes i wonder if everyone else's experience of sex is totally different to mine... cos they orgasm. Maybe what i think of as 'good'sex, is actually crap.
Feelings during sex you will find are very subjective. I for example feel I don't get as much pleasure as probably some guys do. I certainly don't get as much pleasure as most girls are capable of.
Thing is, we are all different.
I've done the online thing too, and yeah, sometimes its good, as you are free to talk to someone, but sometimes its good to talk in person about personal stuff too. Gauge their reaction to it.
It just seems odd to me that you have to constantly pay attention for it so can't move much etc to feel it.
I'd still very much like you, for when you get a new guy, to tell him how you do it. Thing is, he'd probably get turned on watching you get off... Trust me.
Teach him how to (as you should have taught the others), and maybe things can improve.
Have you tried stimulating your g-spot area as well as your clitoris, etc?
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